Garon's Royal Harem
by KingOfAllCondos
Summary: Just a little sin I've been working on for a few years now nbd
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1**

 **Chapter 1**

Chrom was upset, because he already knew he won't be in Sma5h, even though his best friend and daughter will be. He decided to look for other characters who won't be in Sma5h, and eventually met King Garon of Nohr. The two became friends quickly, so Chrom suggested they go to the theater and watch something.

At the theater, Chrom had a surprise planned for Garon. They reached their seats and sat down. Garon grabbed his drink and sipped.

Suddenly, Garon began choking. "I ordered ice-cold Dr. Pepper! What is this Diet Coke nonsense?!" Chrom was worried now, because he wasn't sure it was a good time for the surprise now. You see, Chrom wanted to reach S Support.

Logically, the only one who would have messed up a drink for someone as kawaii as Garon would be Takumi. #BlameTakumi2k15.

Chrom was about to find Takumi and get revenge for hurting Chrom's soon-to-be lover when none other than Dr. Robotnik stepped on stage. He began to do the Rasputin dance from Just Dance 2, which mesmerized the entire audience. Chrom resumed his search for Takumi when Robotnik spotted him. "SnooPINGAS usual, I see!" shouted Robotnik.

Logically, Chrom's first course of action was denial. Unfortunately, de Nile was full of crocodiles and pissed-off hippopotamuses, so Chrom had to swim for his life. As Robotnik chased after him, he fell in the water and sank because he was a robot, made out of metal, and denser than 1 gram per cubic centimeter, even though most of that is false. He also short-circuited, frying all the animals in the river except Chrom, because he was busy eating all the electrically toasted fish sticks.

Meanwhile, Takumi had found Garon and bought him an ice-cold Dr Pepper. They watched the movie together and then rode off into the sunset on the magical mystical fairies to do Takuron things.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Lucina and Robin looked down from the Final Fantasy stage and sighed at their father/best friend. "See?" Lucina asked. "This is why they don't put him in Sma5h."

And so, they completely missed Takuron flying by on the magical mystical fairies. Chrom didn't, however, and as he realized his plans were foiled again by bad luck, he shouted at the sky, "Curse you, RNGesus!" Of course, no one understood him with his mouth full of fish sticks.

Chrom had had enough. He was done with RNGesus's cruel tricks of FatesTM. And so, he built a rocket out of fish sticks, glued with maple syrup from the Canadian Mafia and powered by the unbreakable-ness of the Falchion. He aimed it at the sky, and he blasted off, shouting, "It's time to tip the scales!"

The sky shouted back, "That's my line!" Of course, that was Robin up on the Final Fantasy stage with Lucina. But Chrom didn't know that. After all, he couldn't see them (his windshield was made out of fishsticks). So he decided to fly straight towards that indignant voice. (Although made out of fishsticks, his auditory radar was perfectly functional.)

As he crashed into the stage, Lucina and Robin's only method of escape from the careening rocket was a premature "No contest." So they stood back and watched, clapping saltily, as Chrom no-clipped through the stage and off into the beyond.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Meanwhile, Takumi and Garon had stopped making out in order to go to a café to eat. All the other cafès kicked them out because of too much OPDOA (overly public displays of overt affection). However, because RNGesus couldn't find Chrom (his unbreakable rocket was smashed against and sliding down the front of someone's screen), he decided to frick with Takumi. And so, the cafê people got the order wrong. When the cafë waitress brought over a Diet Coke, Garon blamed Takumi. #BlameTakumi2k15.  
"You lying son of a scumbag, Takumi!" Garon exclaimed in a surprisingly high-pitched voice. It was at that moment it struck Garon-it WAS #BlameTakumi2k15. How could he be so foolish as to love a HOSHIDAN, anyway!? /r/Nohrmasterrace

Elsewhere, Chrom's fishstick rocket had finished sliding down the screen. He was unconscious.

When he regained consciousness, a girl with light blue hair that looked vaguely like his daughter stood over him. Chrom instantly decided to make this woman his new tactician, even though she clearly has Trench Foot. Azura suggested that their best plan to win back Garon's love was to help him massacre an entire nation, because there's no good way to transition into that.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Garon couldn't believe what he let himself do. He had to assure Chrom that they were meant to be. He knew that where there were fishsticks, there would be Chrom, so he set off on an adventure to find a land shark to use as a bloodhound. Of course, the best place to find a land shark was Atlanta, which is the land version of Atlantis. As he wandered past casinos, restaurants, and more casinos, he came across a beautiful silver-haired maiden. It was Nyaruko-slam! She invited Garon to come on and slam, if he wants to jam. So they wandered into a casino. Of course, if one wants to find a land shark in a casino, all they have to do is order fish sticks from the bar.

So once Garon had danced to "Hoops! Nyaruko-slam W" on the dance floor for an hour or two, he went and ordered a plate of fish sticks. As soon as he sat down, a penniless land shark teleported into the seat across from him. "That's some nice fish you got there," he said.

Garon replied, "It'd be a shame if something were to happen to it..." as he put one in his mouth. The land shark visibly winced each time he picked up another fish stick. Garon offered him a proposal. "If you can lead me to Chrom by the smell of fish sticks, I'll use my vast powers as the antagonist to buy you a supply of fish sticks for a year." The land shark didn't ask questions. He didn't have to. And so a deal was made. The two left the casino, pursuing the smell of distant fish sticks.

Nyaruko-slam followed them. "Subject 2 has left the vicinity. I repeat, Subject 2 has left the vicinity," she reported in a low voice through her earpiece. The earpiece was silent a moment, then shrieked with feedback and spontaneously combusted. Nyaruko did a tribal slam dance to recover hp, then continued to follow Garon and the land shark. Garon was reaching sanchi pichi. He couldn't take being separated from Chrom any longer.

Meanwhile Chrom was rallying his shepherds for a massacre of an entire nation when Azura told him she didn't know what nation to massacre and that Chrom had to choose between his home country of Ylisse, or Hoshido, which would be easy to slaughter. "Hoshido! That Hoshidan Takumi took my beloved Garon from me! They must pay!"  
His Shepherds, being smarter than the average bear, knew they were going to need some heavier weaponry. So they went to the dollar store and bought themselves a proper arsenal of AK-47s, RPG-29 Vampirs, and a handful of T-90s. It was a Russian dollar store. So it was a ruble store.

Anyway, they proceeded to sack Hoshido.

All of it.

Far away, Garon's massacre senses were tingling. He followed his gut and was led straight to Chrom. Garon then fried the land shark into a fish stick.

Garon enjoyed the show. "This is much better than the movie we went to, Chrom." Chrom gave him a winning smile as he offered him an ice-cold Dr. Pepper. And so Chromaron flew off into the sunset on the magical mystical fairies.

And RNGesus decided that fricking with Takumi was better than fricking with Chrom. So Chrom got +5% luck stat, and Takumi was miserable with his measly 45% Luck growth. #FrickWithTakumi2k15.

While Chromaron flew away, they thought of the everlasting question that had been plaguing humanity for centuries: Why does Garfield hate Mondays? They focused on their love to try to avoid this puzzling question. Little did they know that it would tear them apart.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Takumi was furious with RNGesus and so he plotted to kill Chrom in Hoshido by grinding in Nohr. RNGesus laughed, because in Nohr there is no grinding (other than Lazward's personal skill, if you know what I mean) Takumi decided to use pay2win DLC to overcome this. Unfortunately, a glitch occurred and his Fuujin Yumi gained a Durability stat. He didn't know this, so it broke. He, too, was broke because he spent all his money on the DLC so he couldn't get another weapon, and so he had to run from the DLC enemies until he found a tree branch. Unfortunately, that was a Sword, so he couldn't use it. But his brother, the Lobster Lord, could since he was a Trueblade. Sadly, Ryoma had committed the sudoku.

Takumi was about to be attacked by a Faceless when generic guard #175937 Dual Guarded. Generic guard #175937 then Dual Struck and defeated the Faceless. The guard was about to leave when Takumi asked him a question. "Will I ever see you again?"

"Nah, I'm just a filler character." With that, the guard left.

 ** _Man,_** **Takumi thought,** ** _I sure love_** **Deus Ex Machina.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

It was time for Chrom to marry Garon. However, it was Chapter 11 (no shut up Jeremy it definitely doesn't say chapter 6 right there), so Chrom was forced to marry Sumia instead. Garon was devastated, but hell hath no fury like a lover scorned. He decided to break into Ylisstol.

Inside, Garon ran into Nyaruko-slam again, who had just assassinated Emmeryn. She had also replaced her earpiece, but it wasn't working because the guards managed to activate a CQC jammer canceller breaker eraser confiner obstructor buster closer and also their power level was really high so things just broke. So she had reverted to her Michael Jordan persona, and was currently spinning a basketball on her finger. Garon thought the basketball was his ex, the Annoying Orange, and promptly began to argue with it. Nyaruko-slam took this as a hoops challenge, and shot the Annoying Basketball into the nearest medium-size hole, which just happened to be the exhaust port for Ylisstol's central reactor. The entire city exploded in a gigantic supernova, which Garon and Nyaruko-slam miraculously survived, because sci-fi bullshit.

Since Emmeryn died, the game reset to a save state in an alternate timeline, leaving Chrom and Garon free to break, like, all the rules. Chrom pulled a Henry VIII and broke from the Church, forming his own religion where the god is fish sticks and divorce is legal. (There was no need to change any laws regarding Chromaron.) Chrom conveniently got rid of Sumia by sticking her with Takumi. For his part, Takumi was alright with it, because his date up to this point had been the Annoying Orange.

Anyway, Garon and Chrom decided to meet back up amidst the ruins of Hoshido, which reminded them both of good times as kid. As they wandered through the ruins, stepping over rubble, blackened and mangled corpses, and discarded Russian firearms, Chrom and Garon had a heart-to-black heart chat.

Just then, a familiar figure appeared. It was generic guard #175937! He pointed a silver blade at Garon's throat. Their eyes locked. After what seemed like ages, Garon said "Go on! End a pitiful old man's life!" Generic guard #175937's blade quivered, then was lowered. He removed his helmet...it was actually Lucina! She knew Garon was meant for Chrom, but she had always been one to challenge fate. "I love you, Garon."

Chrom couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not satisfied with taking his spot in Sm4sh, she was going to take his bae as well! "LUCINA!" Chrom shouted in anger. "You are a terrible son!"  
Awkward silence.

"What?"

Awkward silence.  
"Oh! ...daughter. Sorry. Just, you know.." Chrom made a vague motion.  
"You know how much I love you, Xxx_Gar0n_xxX? I love you as much as 100% pulp free orange juice, not to be confused with the hit game 100% Orange Juice" Lucina continued.

Chrom's eyes widened. Lucina sounded serious. He knew he had to do something, so he tapped his earpiece to turn it on and pulled Nyaruko-slam out of his pocket. "Prepare plan Delta Mu 642-83 over 0, urgently," Chrom hissed into the earpiece. Fortunately for Chromaron, RNGesus was busy giving Takumi shit on his honeymoon with Sumia-and I mean literally giving him shit: cow pies were falling from the sky-so neither Chrom's nor Nyaruko's earpiece spontaneously combusted. Nyaruko-slam summoned her ancient powers of H.P. Lovecraft and completed the ritual.

The ground trembled, and suddenly Lucina's legs began to shake uncontrollably. The shaking progressed up her body, intensifying as it went. As Lucina's whole body began to convulse, her head flew back, her eyes rolled up into her head, and her mouth opened, emitting a cloud of dark gas that could only be described as dank. And then, Lucina bellowed, "100%? SIKE! THAT'S THE WROOOOOOOOOOOONG NUMBA!" and the air exploded with the sounds of people shouting "OOOOOOHHHH!" and the wail of rapid-fire air horns.

Far away, Takumi could sense something MLG occurring. This sent him into shock. he returned to Hoshido to raise an army but when he arrived he found his country in ruins. Infuriated, he set after Chrom, thinking of a minimum of 9001 memes to use.

Chrom's meme sense was tingling. He shouted, "It's a trap!" At that, Takumi meme'd, saying

"Deez nutz xd"

Chrom couldn't handle the meme's dankness. It was driving him insane. Luckily, Sumia appeared, and she bitch slapped Takumi in the name of freedom, that cock-sucking hypocrite punk-ass bitch (of course, this describes Takumi). Now judge that, you frick life! That's right!

Oh yeah on to part two.

 _Editor's note: I have no idea how to edit this I thought this was about Smash Bros_


	7. Part 2, Chapter 1

h1 id="docs-internal-guid-bc6afc31-d432-f9a4-e3e7-6a6455ea152a" dir="ltr" style="line-height: 2.4; margin-top: 20pt; margin-bottom: 6pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Part Two: Garon's Royal Harem/span/h1  
h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 2.4; margin-top: 18pt; margin-bottom: 6pt;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Chapter 1/span/h2  
p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 2.4; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;"strong style="font-weight: normal;"span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"In a world...without spooky scary skeletons...Shulk was really feeling it. "Unfortunately, I'm not, so I need cognitive therapy," said Lucina. She was upset about Chromaron. /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"br class="kix-line-break" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"br class="kix-line-break" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"The therapist was Dr. Shulk. "Lucina, do you know why you aren't really feeling it?" asked Shulk. "Well, it's probably because Garon loves Chrom instead of me." replied Lucina. "I see. Maybe you should challenge Chrom to a duel for Garon's love. Maybe then you'll really feel it, just like I do."/spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"br class="kix-line-break" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"br class="kix-line-break" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Elsewhere, Takumi was upset that Innes is an edgier archer than Takumi. #BlameInnes2k15? /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"br class="kix-line-break" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"br class="kix-line-break" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Meanwhile, Chrom and Garon were watching /spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"Titanic/spanspan style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" in Ylisstol, drinking their ice-cold Dr. Peppers and crying their hearts out at Leo's beautiful face. Little did they know, an elite sniper was nearby with a water gun filled with Diet Coke...Who could this mysterious sniper be? Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z! (Hint: it's Innes)!/span/strong/p 


	8. Part 2, Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Lucina decided to take Shulk's advice. She snuck into Ylisstol (even though she's the princess). Surprisingly, there were no guards (besides Generic Guard #175936). The only thing there was an inconspicuous cardboard box, so Lucina moved on. But after she left the room, the cardboard box was thrown aside. "!" said Solid Snake. He was angry that not only will he not be in Sma5h, he wasn't in Sm4sh either! He would remove Lucina from the roster and take her place by any means necessary.

Unfortunately for Lucina, Chrom and Garon weren't even in Ylisstol anymore—they were at an Ace of Base concert. They performed "The Sign" and halfway through, Chrom turned to Garon and whispered, "this song always reminds me of you." Garon blushed.

Ace of Base was about to reach the third chorus when a blonde woman in her twenties leaped from the lighting system and onto the stage. "Is that Carrie Underwood?" asked someone in the audience, too much of a pleb to know that Carrie Underwood is in her thirties.

Taylor Swift looked at Jenny Berggren and said, "So it's gonna be forever, or it's gonna go down in flames! You can tell me when it's over, if the high was worth the pain. Got a long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane—"

At that moment, Garon shouted "that's because you are!" from his seat, generating 5 watts of chuckles.

Taylor Swift was about to attack Ace of Base when she was hit by a liquid. "Is...is this...ICE-COLD DR. PEPPER?!" She let out a scream as the ice-cold Dr. Pepper's perfection obliterated her evil, Diet Coke-based form. Her sudden death invoked many screams (mostly of joy), and everyone turned towards the shooter. The one who blasted the liquid at Taylor Swift was none other than... Obama! #ThanksObama

 **** **For his noble deed, Garon decided to knight Obama. He was now Sir Barack Saddam Hussein Obama. However, little did he know that Chrom didn't like Garon giving Obama attention. "Yell" graaaaaghed Chrom, as he ran at Obama and attacked him with his special ultimate weapon, a fish stick, Obama dancing away from his punishing strikes with his smooth coolness. How much longer could Obama keep up his dodges?**


	9. Part 2, Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Lucina had no idea where her father could be. But she knew one way to find out- the only thing Chrom loves more than Garon. She pulled out a fish stick, and miles away, Chrom's fish stick senses tingled. He grabbed Garon and ran toward the source, dropping his stale fish stick and leaving Obama and his hip moves behind. Lucina finally sensed someone approaching, but it wasn't Chrom...

Chrom arrived to the scene just in time to see Lucina attack the figure with an array of ultra combos. "LUCINA, NOOOOOO!"

Lucina halted, and stared at the figure as she fell down in slow motion, in a manner which was similar to a hunky lifeguard running across the beach. Robin's head fell into a beam of heavenly light from the Ace of Base concert that was miles away, because the concert was that good. Lucina's eyes widened in horror. "Open your eyes, Robin! OPEN YOUR EYES!" Lucina yelled with sobbing and regret. Chrom knew only one thing could bring Robin back. He pulled out his iPod, and played their favorite song, that not even Robin couldn't not sing along to. "I saw the sign, and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign!"

Lucina was too embarrassed at what she did, so she ran to her room at the Smash Mansion (that now exists just now as you read this). She cried into her pillow. She was sad not because of what she did to Robin (because that was actually intentional, frick you Robin) but because her plan to break Chrom's spirit failed. She looked up at her autographed poster of Nyaruko-slam (which was capable of speech, similar to one of those wall fish that sings Bob Dylan or something). "Oh, Nyaruko-slam, what would you do?" "I'd come on and slam, if I wanna jam!" Lucina knew Nyaruko-slam was right. She would invite Chrom to the Space Jam, and defeat his spirit with her sick dunks.


	10. Part 2, Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Takumi was Blinded By Rage. He was sick of RNGesus' bullshit. He wouldn't let Chrom be the one who was Garon's significant other. #AngerTakumi2k15 He began to plot, when Sumia came over and once again bitch slapped him in the name of freedom.  
Elsewhere, Lucina, Nyaruko-slam (the poster), Chrom, and Garon were at the Space Jam (except it was actually just Arena Ferox). Here's their chance, do their dance at the Space Jam, alright. They were about to come on and slam when eight figures suddenly appeared. "Halt, evil doers!" Each pulled out a pen.

"Moon Prism Power, make up!" shouted Ness.  
"Mercury Prism Power, make up!" shouted Ryu.  
"Venus Prism Power, make up!" shouted Wario.  
"Mars Prism Power, make up!" shouted Luigi.  
"Jupiter Prism Power, make up!" shouted Zero Suit Samus.  
"Saturn Prism Power, make up!" shouted Wii Fit Trainer.  
"Uranus Prism Power, make up!" shouted King Dedede.  
"Neptune Prism Power, make up!" shouted Dark Pit.

Each one of them went through a magical girl transformation, and became the Sailor Scouts. Lucina gasped in surprise, not due to the Scouts but because this actually seemed like a Smash Bros story and not a Fire Emblem one. Ness glared at Nyaruko-slam and said, "In the name of the moon, I shall punish you! Moon tiara action!"

Ness—uh, I mean, Sailor Moon's tiara glowed and she threw it at the non-sentient Nyaruko-slam. The tiara-boomerang-thing hit Nyaruko-slam and something fell out of her two-dimensional pocket and rolled toward King D- Sailor Uranus, who picked it up. "I am Sailor Uranus, and I won't let you have this crystal!" Da—Neptune chimed in, "Same goes for me! Neptune's my name, saving heart crystals' my game!"

Sailor Moon's tiara flew past Kirby, who was sitting in the Space-slam-jam-bam VIP stand. It looked so magically delicious, that he sentenced both the tiara and its owner to the eternal hell that is his stomach and became Sailor Moon Kirby. The other Sailor Scouts just accepted this, of course, and acknowledged Sailor Moon Kirby as their new leader. Sailor Pluto (who's actually the real Pluto, go away these are Smash characters) commented that Sailor Moon looked shorter and gained weight, but nobody noticed, because she's not a planet (neither is the moon, but it's actually because they hate Pluto).

Sailor Venus booped Lucina with her pen of all that is just in the universe and suddenly, a dark figure appeared, almost as if Lucina's shadow had left her (even though that's not Venus's thing). But this figure wasn't a Lucina alt...

It turned toward Lucina, opened its mouth, and said one of the most horrifying phrases possible in the English language. "Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)."

Taking in the scene, Garon (and everyone) realized it was best to flee. He called Chrom over and summoned the magical, mystical fairies and the two flew away on them. Seeing Chromaron leave, the Sailor Scouts fled too, as that ship had set sail and they were its sailors (it's funny because a ship is a pairing between two characters and Sailor Scout has the word Sailor in it so when the ship left it's implied that they were its crew).

Lucina stabbed Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, and Enoby puffed up as if she were smoke. The smoke filled the room until an arrow was fired and the smoke dispersed. Lucina looked around for who could have fired the arrow when she spotted none other than Takumi. Takumi had planned to eliminate Chrom during the Sailor Scout commotion, but he missed his chance. Sumia swooped in. Takumi jumped onto her Pegasus and the two left.


	11. Part 2, Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Back in the therapist's room, Shulk asked Lucina, "Did you do what I suggested? Are you really feeling it yet?"

"I tried, but then the Sailor Scouts flopped it up for me..."

"Well, you just need to wait until it's (Reyn) Time™."

Lucina walked out of Shulk's office. There was only one person she knew who was a master of time...

Lucina walked into the infirmary and over to a bed. Her brother, Morgan, was already there. They both were concerned about the person on the bed, but Lucina needed to ask a question. "Mother, I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience, but...how do I know when it's 'time?'"

"Well...sweetie...I know that it's always time...TIME TO TIP THE SCALES!"

Morgan chimed in, "Except for when it's TIME TO EVEN THE ODDS!"

Lucina still didn't understand this stuff. "What about if it's...time to make Garon love ME?"

"Well, sis, that just...sounds awful. You need a GOOD quote. You like to challenge your fate, so how about...TIME TO CHANGE FATE!"

"Perfect!"

A few hours later, Lucina thought that it was time to change fate. She had written a serenade for Garon. She walked up to outside Garon's window, and music began to play. Garon heard it and peeked his head out the window and looked down on Lucina. She began singing, except her voice was awful.

Lucina's singing, if it could even be called that, was atrocious, but she just wouldn't stop. But then, King Dedede emerged from the bushes nearby. "Bored by your off-key singing, Sailor Uranus steals the show!" said Uranus in that weird cadence that she has in the dub.

 _Editor's note: The following has been redacted for obscenity._

 **Lucina, realizing this was a Sailor Scout, tried to seize her chance for revenge. She** **bit off both ends of a pixie stick** **, but then the other Sailor Scouts appeared and** **snorted the sugar powder themselves.** **Then Mercury took a deep breath and** **she got real high, and she, screamed at the top of her lungs, "what's going on? And I say heyayayayay, heyayay, I say hey, what's going on?" (** ** _Editor's note: I'm sorry)_** **Lucina,** **not having access to YouTube in her castle, couldn't handle the dankness of it all, and** **fled the scene.**

 **Shulk was sitting in a tree nearby, watching. He was ashamed of Lucina. She was doing a bad job of really feeling it.**


	12. Part 2, Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Garon needed to confront Chrom, so he did just that. "Chrom, I think your daughter is trying to take me away from you."

"Well, anything can change! ... Even Lucina's feelings. Perhaps some fish sticks could change her mind." Chrom prepared the fish sticks, but he and Garon ended up eating them, forgetting they were for Lucina.

"Oh well."

Once again in Shulk's office, Shulk told Lucina that he saw what happened outside Garon's window. "I'm sorry, Shulk. I just can't really feel it," complained Lucina.

"Well that's not good. I'm telling you, you need...to...really...feeeeel..." With that, Shulk feel asleep. His feels-o-meter had become empty. He needed new feels, and fast.

A look of worry quickly covered Lucina's face. She laid Shulk down on the chaise lounge and hurried out of the office. On her way out of the building, she ran into none other than the Pokemon Trainer from Brawl. He was kicked out of Smash Bros, so clearly he knew SOMETHING about feels. Lucina explained the situation to Pokemon Trainer.

"Oh, Pokemon Trainer, I NEED to find feels for Shulk! I will travel across the land, searching far and wide!"

"Each Pokemon, to understand the power that's inside?"

"What? No, I'm looking for feels..."

"Pikur pikur," exclaimed Pikachu, who was hiding behind the potted plant by the entrance. Of course, Pikachus only say "pikur pikur" if they've been fed fish sticks recently.

"Naga dammit, Father..." muttered Lucina under her breath. Lucina, Pokemon Trainer, and Pikachu set out on a journey, searching for feels for Shulk.

Elsewhere, Sailor Uranus sat in front of a screen, with Escargoon nearby. The screen turned on to display a "tall" figure. "How can I help you, King Dedede?"

"I need a monstah ter clobbah dat dere Lucy!"

"That's what we do best at N.M.E." However, Dedede had gotten hungry during the salesman's line, so Escargoon couldn't add in his classic "We better get a money back guarantee!" The N.M.E. Salesman said, "we'll send in our newest, the T.O.E."

Lucina, Pokemon Trainer, and Pikachu headed toward the Miiverse stage, the stage with the most likelihood of containing feels. Various Miiverse posts flew across the background, all of them talking about how Lucina is best waifu (even though in reality RNGoddess Anna is best waifu, at least from Fire Emblem.) Posts about Pikachu flew around, too, but none were about Pokemon Trainer. Eventually, a glitch occurred in the system, and a post about Shulk appeared. Lucina grabbed the post somehow, and added it to her inventory. They were about to head back when they all became surrounded by red outlines.

"What?" questioned Lucina.

"Pikur pikur?"

Then, across the stage, three figures outlined in blue appeared. It was the Trinity of Edginess: Shadow the Hedgehog, Takumi, and Innes!

"No...Oh gods, no!" Lucina wailed.

"Ow the edge," added Pokemon Trainer.

Takumi and Innes drew their weapons, in a very edgy fashion. Takumi's bow shimmered, and a blue drawstring made of light appeared, as well as an arrow fitting the same description. Innes didn't pull out his own bow, though; he pulled out a Diet Coke-filled NEW pump-action Super-Soaker.

Innes was about to fire a blast of Diet Coke, when a Smash Ball appeared. Pikachu broke it, and the Smash Energy flowed through his body, flushing out the excess fish sticks. "Pi...ka...CHUUUUU!" shouted Pikachu as he unleashed his Final Smash. Despite the controls being super jank, he rammed into Shadow, and knocked him off the stage, and condemning him to a life of being an assist trophy.

Unfortunately, Shadow's extreme edginess caused Volt Tackle to end prematurely. Takumi released his arrow and delivered a whopping 4% to Pikachu.

Innes fired Diet Coke at the Pokemon Trainer instead, who still hadn't sent out Ivysaur, and the soda's diabolicalness delivered 44%. Not that that percentage mattered, because the attack's knockback instantly KO'd Pokemon Trainer, even though he is only in the background. Not that _that_ mattered, because he was cut anyway and wouldn't make it back into Sma5h. But while Innes was shooting Pokemon Trainer, he didn't see Lucina roll behind him and begin to charge Shield Breaker, nor did he see the countdown that appeared above the fighters. It was a countdown for the round-winning kill. At the exact moment the timer hit zero, Lucina's Parallel Falchion stabbed Innes. The fully-charged Shield Breaker generated enough knockback so that Innes was KO'd even faster than Pokemon Trainer was. Lucina, Pikachu, and Pokemon Trainer headed back, not even caring about that shrub Takumi.


	13. Part 2, Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Lucina tacked the Miiverse post onto Shulk's bulletin board, and its feels flooded into Shulk.

"I'm really feeling it!"

Lucina breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank Naga..."

Even anger was a feel, so Shulk tried to make Lucina jealous. "Lucina, have you heard? Your father's gonna appear in another game! He'll be in 'Project Shin Megami Attorney: Genei Ibun Roku #FE Final Genealogy of the Golden Portable Sacred Awakening Dual Investigations All Night Survivor 5 Ultimate Default of Justice vs Hyperdimension Capcom VII Overclocked Fantasy FES featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series and Knuckles!'" Unfortunately, Shulk's plan failed, because Dante is only in sub-par games nowadays.

The Nyaruko-slam poster burst into the office, panting (or maybe it was always there and no one noticed). She looked like she wanted to say "The Sailor Scouts are coming!" but actually didn't because it is an inanimate poster.

Then, the Sailor Scouts were there. "Hiiiii! (Lucina! In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!)" poyo'd Sailor Moon Kirby.

As the Sailor Scouts advanced, Shulk stepped in front of Lucina and Nyaruko-slam, and unleashed the Monado. "Stand back," he said, as the Monado's beam glowed white. "I'll blow you away...Monado Cyclone!" However, Shulk hadn't inflicted Break on the Sailor Scouts, so Monado Cyclone couldn't Topple them.

Then, the Nyaruko-slam poster stepped up, ready to unleash her Space CQC Jammer Canceller Breaker Eraser Confiner Obstructer Buster Closer! However, the Sailor Scouts were ready, too. Only a Final Smash could stop them now, and neither Shulk's nor Lucina's would do...

The Sailor Scouts were about to unleash their attacks when Sailor Neptune was hit by a blast of lightning. "Time to tip the scales!" shouted Robin.

Then, a stream of fire hit Sailor Mars. "Time to even the odds!" shouted Morgan. Now that they were here, Lucina, Shulk, and Nyaruko-slam stood a chance. Maybe Robin's Final Smash would be enough to defeat them?

Robin broke the Smash Ball, and pulled out a fish stick. "Chrom!" At that moment, Chrom and Garon appeared, and the three unleashed Robin's Final Smash on Sailor Moon Kirby. The attack's knockback KO'd Sailor Moon Kirby, and the rest of the Sailor Scouts scattered.

Once the Sailor Scouts had all left, Chrom turned to Garon. "Come, my love." With that, the magical mystical fairies arrived and flew Chrom and Garon back to Ylisstol.

"Heck..." said Lucina, once again blowing her chance to confess her love.


	14. Part 2, Chapter 8

hapter 8

Chrom and Garon were watching another movie in Chrom's room; this time, they were watching _Sixteen Candles_. They really needed to stop watching chick flicks. Chrom handed Garon a Dr. Pepper. Garon was about to drink the Dr. Pepper, when Lucina and Nyaruko-slam (the poster) burst in. Lucina wanted to challenge Chrom to a rematch at the Space Jam, since they were never able to finish (thanks Sailor Scouts). The poster said, "Everybody get up, it's time to slam now."

With that, the four of them were teleported to Arena Fe-the Space Jam. Lucina pulled out a basketball and did a sick dunk. "Beat that, father!" However, Chrom couldn't, because he could only jump during a critical hit as a Lord or Great Lord.

Lucina passed the ball to the Nyaruko-slam poster, but the ball was intercepted by a figure whose head was obscured by a hood. The figure placed the basketball on the ground and lowered the hood. It was the _real_ Nyaruko-slam!

"Lucina, that's just a poster, it's not real! I'm the real Nyaruko-slam! You expected her to come on and jam!? I'm bored, so I'll play B-ball with you!"

"How do I know that you're not lying?!" Lucina sobbed, pulling a gun.

"Where the hell did you get a gun? And that's clearly a poster!"

"I'M GOING TO BE THE ONE ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE! Alright, I'm going to ask a question only the real one can answer: Which of you is the real Nyaruko-slam?" cried Lucina with sleuthing skills.

The real Nyaruko-slam responded with "I am, that's a poster! Put the gun down, we need to talk."

And the poster responded with, "Come on and slam!" With that, Lucina shot the real Nyaruko-slam. The poster said, "Thank you!" as it walked away.

However, this victory was short-lived, as something else soon happened. Shulk's body convulsed, and a golden light erupted.  
When the light died down, Zanza was there. "I must thank you for reviving me. But now, it is time to begin the ceremony of destruction and recreation." Zanza moved toward Shulk and took the Monado. "With this, it can begin. Mine is the one true Monado, instrument of destruction and rebirth!"

However, while Zanza was talking about how he'd use the Monado to continue the passage of fate or whatever, he hadn't noticed Chrom had moved from the rest of the Red Team, and had stolen the Monado from Zanza, and replaced it with a fish stick. Zanza said, "but now...You stand in my way. Monado...Buster."

But since Zanza had a fish stick, all that happened was more fish sticks were launched at the group. Then, Zanza made some dipping sauce appear. " _ **THE POWER OF SAUCE CANNOT BE OVERCOME!**_ " Sucks for Zanza, because he's secretly a lemon, not just a god. But lemons can't harness the full power of sauce-only limes can. Being powerless to stop them, Zanza watched the Red Team leave. Yep.


	15. Part 2, Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Chrom and Garon held hands as they happily frolicked out of Arena Ferox. Lucina and Shulk were a ways behind them—unfortunately, they should've been closer. Before they could reach the exit, the gate closed. Zanza made a last-ditch effort to defeat Lucina and Shulk. Using his godly powers, Zanza summoned Pac-Man. But because Shulk needed to be eliminated, Zanza used his lemony powers (as opposed to his godly powers) to turn off the respawn- if someone was KO'd in this fight, they were gone for good (or were they? Hint hint)

Pac-Man waka waka'd up to Lucina, but Pac-Man sucks, so Lucina killed him with her weakest move, Dolphin Slash. Good riddance, Pac-Man.

As Pac-Man died, the gate reopened, so Lucina and Shulk returned to Shulk's room at Smash Mansion. Together, they watched some bootleg Neon Genesis Evangelion. But because it was bootleg, Shinji was replaced by none other than Sailor Uranus. Sailor Uranus got into her mech to combat the Angels. Sailor Uranus approached two Angels—both of them were Sir Barack Saddam Hussein Obama and Michelle Obama. And by that, I mean that one individual Angel is both Obamas, so there were two pairs of Obamas. Sailor Uranus did whatever they do in NGE and killed the Angels. The mech then turned to face Lucina and Shulk.

"Lucina! In the name of Uranus, I challenge you!" With that, the TV cut out. Good timing, too, because at that moment Master Hand passed by, and everyone knows that Master Hand despises both bootlegs and Neon Genesis Evangelion.

"Myeh! You two weren't watching Neon Genesis Evangelion, were you?"

"Of course not!" responded Shulk.

"Good. I hate that garbage mech anime. If I caught someone watching it, why, I'd kick them right out of Smash Bros! Gwahahahahaha!" Lucina had an idea.

She pulled out a Pac-Man Amiibo, and Pac-Man was revived, completely negating half of Zanza's attempt at destruction, and now with an NGE pin. Master Hand pointed at Pac-Man. "You DARE bring THAT into this mansion? _**You're fired!**_ " Master Hand summoned the Ghosts via assist trophy, and they ate Pac-Man. "Hey…another slot's opened up. I think the roster could use someone who looks like Roy… hmmmmm… Dark Classic Pit."


	16. Part 2, Chapter 10

Chapter 10

In Ylisstol, Chrom and Garon were also watching bootleg NGE until Lissa came in unexpectedly. After all, she may surprise you! However, it turns out that Lissa, being so young, had a bad taste in anime, which is why NGE is her favorite. So Chrom and Garon let her watch, and they left.

Chrom and Garon went into another room. Garon rubbed Chrom's face, but Chrom couldn't in return, since you can't do that in Awakening. Garon lowered his hand, but then none other than Captain Falcon burst out of the closet!

"Show me your moves!" he said as he saluted Chrom and Garon for no reason. Garon glanced at Chrom nervously, feeling intimidated by Captain Falcon. Chrom looked at Captain Falcon.

"Hey, uh… Could you please leave?"

Captain Falcon responded, "YES!" and with that, he turned toward the doorway. "Falcon Kick!" He then fire-slid out of the room.

"Well, that was awkward…"

But Captain Falcon wasn't the only one who had been hiding in the room. Neither Chrom nor Garon noticed, but the other closet door opened slightly, and Lucina peered out with a pair of binoculars pressed to her face. "I swear to Naga, father, Garon will be _mine,_ (Fire Emblem) Fates™ be damned," she muttered under her breath.

Elsewhere, Dr. Shulk was busy doing therapist stuff. "So, Zanza, what's bothering you?"

Zanza sniffled, then slowly said, "Well, ever since my Monado was replaced with a fish stick, I haven't been able to perform the ceremony of destruction and recreation."

"I see. Have you tried really feeling it?" Dr. Shulk asked.

Zanza sniffled again, and then responded, "No… But how will that help me recreate the universe?"

"When you really feel it, you'll know. But if you'll excuse me, I need to help another patient with something else."


	17. Part 2, Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Lucina, are you ready to finally defeat your father?" asked Shulk.

"Of course. I challenge my fate!" she replied.

"Good. I hope that you'll really feel it." With that, the two boarded the aircraft, and it began to fly off to probably the worst stage, that one Ice Climbers stage from Brawl. (Funnily enough, the only stage that could arguably be considered worse was also from Brawl-the accursed Hanenbow stage.) The ride was uneventful, until…

The iceberg that was the stage would soon become visible. Lucina was getting ready to depart, when a figure crawled out of the luggage storage above her seat. "Hiiiiiiiiiii! (Lucina! You have done nothing but cause trouble for my Sailor Scouts! In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!)" poyo'd Sailor Moon Kirby, as he began to be surrounded by the Blue Team outline. Lucina and Shulk unsheathed their swords, as they were surrounded once again by the Red Team outline.

Shulk quickly shifted through his Monado Arts until he reached a purple symbol. "Buster!" Shulk began to pummel Sailor Moon Kirby, quickly racking up damage. As Sailor Moon Kirby neared 125%, when rage would kick in, Lucina began charging Shield Breaker. Shulk grabbed Sailor Moon Kirby so he couldn't escape, and Lucina thrusted Falchion. The knockback was absurd, but because they were in the aircraft, there was no blast zone. Instead, Sailor Moon Kirby bounced off the walls, because he was a scrub and didn't tech.

Sailor Moon Kirby finally stopped on the floor, and began to tremble. He reverted back to vanilla Kirby, and another figure emerged from within Kirby. However, this figure was not surrounded by either a Red Team outline or a Blue Team outline, but rather a Green Team outline. It was Ness, the real Sailor Moon! But Ness wasn't just surrounded by a Green Team outline. Ness was glowing with high amounts of Smash Energy coursing through his body.

" **PK...STARSTORM!"** Because they were inside, the meteors spawned inside, too. Lucina and Shulk ran and took cover, but it wasn't enough. The sheer force of PK Starstorm blew up the aircraft, and Lucina, Nyaruko-slam, Shulk and Kirby were knocked unconscious as they plummeted out of the sky.


	18. Part 2, Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Lucina woke up in a field of white flowers, still dazed from the explosion. She slowly sat up and saw Shulk unconscious nearby. She crawled over to him. Shulk coughed, slowly opened his eyes, and gazed at Lucina. She sighed in relief, and looked for the Nyaruko-slam poster. She seemed unfazed, but that may be because she is a poster.

"We...We're alive! Shulk, Nyaruko-slam, we somehow survived that!" cheered Lucina.

Shulk groaned and sat up. "Why do you care about that poster so much? That's not a real person, you know."

"Yes she is—see?"

"Come on and slam!" jammed the poster.

"Lucina, that's recorded... I think we need to have more counseling sessions."

"But it said 'thank you' and walked away earlier, and it sometimes moves around."

"Now that I look at it... How is it even remaining vertical, anyways?" questioned Shulk.

"Here, I'll show you. C'mon, get a move on!" Lucina tapped the poster on the shoulder, and it drifted to the ground... revealing the cardboard box it was tacked to.

"Huh, it's just a cardboard box." murmured Lucina. Shulk, having a vision, recognized the impending danger, and BACKSLASHed the box, cutting it clean in half, revealing... nothing.

Lucina snorted. "See? I told you!" Lucina laughed as she was choked out by Snake. Snake threw Lucina down and pulled his combat knife, going into crouching (psycho) mantis stance. The impact shook Lucina fully awake, but she was only able to feebly watch Snake and Shulk charge each other, as the blow had sapped both her strength and her air.

Shulk activated his Monado, even though it doesn't hurt humans. Snake sprinted forward in a bull-rush, knife held out. Shulk realized his situation: His visions don't work on Snake's lightning fast CQC. The two engaged in a duel reminiscent of those in Star Wars Episode III, even though the knife was the size of the Monado's hilt.

Lucina sat up and looked around for her sword, which seemed to have fallen. She heard the ringing clashes of steel on light beams, and knew that she had to help Shulk. She had a bad feeling about the outcome of this fight if she didn't intervene. Lucina found that she was standing on her sword, and scooped it up quickly. She turned back to the battle just in time to see Snake, on his back, Shulk standing over him, pull out a malicious looking small black box where Shulk couldn't see!

"SHULK, LOOK OUT!" Called Lucina, trying to stop the trick Snake had up his sleeve. It backfired as Shulk looked over at Lucina, and gave Snake time to sweep Shulk's legs with his arm, toppling Shulk. Snake combat rolled over, and prepared to unleash the box. Lucina rushed forward, hoping to stop Snake, when he grinned and opened the box.

"NOOOOOOOoooooooo... What..."

"Kept you waiting, huh?" said Snake, looking at Shulk. Shulk sat up, and screamed.

"Yes!" looking at the wedding ring inside. Snake pulled Shulk up, and shook his hand. Lucina stood agape, and heard clapping from behind her. The paparazzi was here, photographing this moment of true beauty as Shulk and Snake shook hands vigorously.

The Nyaruko-slam poster got up and said, "Congratulations!" while clapping with poor animation.

"Hi! (Congratulations!)" poyo'd Kirby, clapping as well.

Then, the Sailor Scouts burst out of the ground.

"Congratulations!" said Sailor Mercury.

"Congratulations!" said Sailor Venus.

"Congratulations!" said Sailor Moon.

"Congratulations!" said Sailor Mars.

"Congratulations!" said Sailor Jupiter.

"Congratulations!" said Sailor Saturn.

"Congratulations!" said Sailor Uranus.

"Congratulations!" said Sailor Neptune.

But nobody heard Sailor Pluto say "Congratulations!" as well.

Cake was brought out from a nearby truck, and the groom and other groom danced. A local pastor walked up and started giving vows. "You may kiss the bride!" They kissed with the force of the Shagohod, and Lucina fainted.


	19. Part 3, Chapter 1

**Part Three: World War Waifu** Chapter 1

Lucina couldn't believe what had just happened. Just when she realized that she loved Jesus, Shulk fell in love with Solid Snake!? Didn't they know the Bible condemns homosexuality? And even worse, Nyaruko-slam was just a poster!? Just how could this happen? She needed to get to the bottom of this.

Meanwhile, word of Shulk and Snake's marriage had spread. "Good for them," said Chrom. "But our love is still stronger than theirs, Garon."

"Yes, Chrom. I love you tons, you are the bestest." A yellow Nopon child then burst out of the closet, an angry expression on his face.

" **Heropon Riki beeeeeeesssteeeeesssstttt!** " he shouted in slow motion.

Garon leaned over, closer to Chrom. He whispered, "why do so many people hide in our closet?" "I...I don't know."

The Nopon child advanced toward Chromaron. "Take back what you said about Heropon Riki!"

"Never! I love Chrom too much!" Garon was scared. Chrom was, too, but he had to protect his lover. Chrom picked up the Nopon and drop kicked him out the window. The terrifying Nopon had caused Garon much stress. Chrom could sense this, and let Garon sleep for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Garon sat up in his bed and saw a familiar figure in a deep purple cloak, but there was something...different about the wearer. But this slightly off figure wasn't the only other one in the room. Garon's adopted daughter, Kamui, was there too! MaRobin glanced behind his shoulder to look at Garon and mouthed "time to tip the scales," with a mischievous grin on his face, and then he flicked his tongue. He then proceeded to stroke Kamui affectionately with a tactical nuke. This shocking turn of events caused Garon to pass out.

When he came to, MaRobin and Kamui were gone, and Chrom was standing over him, a look of worry on his face. "My love, are you ok?" "Another Robin-daughter-tactical nuke-" Garon stammered. "Slow down. Tell me what happened," Chrom responded.

Garon explained what happened to him. Chrom paused, as if thinking, and then sat down. If it was true that a male Robin existed as well, then he would be incredibly thirsty for booty-regardless of whose, so long as they were female. A male Robin would even dare to do it- _without an S support._ But there was a more current matter-Garon hadn't had breakfast yet and was hungry.


	20. Part 3, Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chrom and Garon walked down to the dining room/kitchen, where Chrom had recently finished making fish stick pancakes before he had gone upstairs. He served some to Garon, who took a bite and said, "these are great!" But at that moment, none other than MaRobin and Kamui came careening into the room, passionately making out! Garon was paralyzed with shock. Chrom had to protect his lover. Chrom underwent a magical girl transformation, and suddenly wore a French maid outfit! He pulled out a flyswatter and proceeded to slap MaRobin and Kamui with it until they left. Chrom's outfit then reverted back to his onesie and cape. He let Garon eat his breakfast in peace.

Meanwhile, Lucina wandered the streets of Smashville, not quite sure where she was headed. All she knew was that Shulk should've been the Lord's-not Snake's. Now she was forced to try to get Garon again. She continued to wander the streets, hanging her head down, not looking where she was going. This caused her to run into an unfamiliar figure, knocking both of them down.

Lucina got up first, and looked toward the figure. It was a super sexy mech robot. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry," Lucina apologized. "It's okay," Face Nemesis responded with robot sounds. "I'm fine." What Lucina didn't know was that Face Nemesis had once been in love with Jesus, just like Lucina.

Face Nemesis could see the emotional longing in Lucina's eyes. "Hey, are _you_ ok?" Face Nemesis asked. "Actually...no." "Oh? What is the problem?" "Well...I fell in love with someone, only too late." "Oh...I know exactly how you feel. I've had the same happen to me. ...Hey, on the count of three, let's tell each other his name." They both counted. "One...Two...Three… Jesus!" exclaimed Lucina while Face Nemesis exclaimed "Shulk!"

"Oh, hey, I know Shulk! He's my therapist. So, who did Shulk fall for over you?" Lucina asked.

Face Nemesis answered, "some girl named...Lucy? Rukina? Leukemia?"

"L-Lucina?"

"Yes, that's her name!"

Lucina's face turned white. "I-I- _I'm_ Lucina…" she stammered.

" _what_ _ **whatWHAT**_ _!?_...No, it's alright. I heard he got together with Solid Snake-he doesn't feel romantically attracted toward you anymore either. Let's be friends," Face Nemesis said, as she extended her arm for a handshake. Lucina slowly grabbed Face Nemesis' sharp hand, and they shook.


	21. Part 3, Chapter 3

Chapter 3

MaRobin and Kamui walked into the recently restored Shirasagi Castle, holding hands. Takumi walked up to them. "How did the plan go?" he asked. "It went well at first, but then we ran into an...unexpected problem." MaRobin responded. At that moment, Princess Sakura walked in, too. MaRobin instantly let go of Kamui's hand, angering her, and just like that, he was next to Sakura. He would do it _without an S support_. Takumi continued to ask questions. "What was this unexpected problem?" "Chrom...he underwent a magical girl transformation. He was too powerful." Kamui then walked over to MaRobin and bitch slapped him! "Ouch" said MaRobin with pain. However, he secretly enjoyed it-MaRobin is also into BDSM. Or rather, he's into everything. While this was happening, Princess Hinoka entered the room as well. However, Ryoma did not enter, since he'd committed the sudoku, but was having trouble aligning all of the numbers perfectly.

Back in Smashville, Lucina and Face Nemesis continued wandering the streets until Lucina bumped into a not-as-sexy mech robot. Lucina looked up as the not-as-sexy mech robot's cockpit opened-It was King De-Sailor Uranus, and the mech was the one from the bootleg NGE! "Lucina! In the name of Uranus, I challenged you! But you never showed up! Now, we duel! There is no chance to escape!" Face Nemesis then said "Oh...Later!" and flew away. "Goddammit…" Lucina muttered.

Lucina unsheathed Falchion, ready to fight. Sailor Uranus did whatever they do in NGE, but then an Obama Angel appeared. It was Sailor Uranus' job to help eliminate Obama Angels, so she looked at Lucina. "You get a break this time, but next time it'll be different!" A green light surrounded Lucina, and she disappeared with a flash.

Chrom, Garon, and Lissa were crowded around Lucina, who was lying on the floor. Lucina opened her eyes and saw the three of them. "Wha...what happened?" she asked. "Thank Naga you're safe! I used my Rescue staff to get you out of there," Lissa answered. Chrom opened his mouth, as if to add something, but then closed it. "My...I think I need to rest," said Lucina. But she was too lazy to get up and walk to a bed, so she just fell asleep on the floor.

Chrom and Garon went into another room. "Honey…I'm worried about Lucina. I think she wants to break us up," said Garon. Chrom had an idea. "I know how to get her to stop-let's focus her attention elsewhere." "But where, my love?" Chrom pondered, and then his eyes narrowed. "GameFAQS." Garon let out a small gasp.

Chrom walked over to Ylisstol's new computer, and opened Google Chrom, and he went to GameFAQS. "Alright, what should her username be?" he asked Garon. "How about… Xxx_Luc1n4_xxX?" "Perfect."

When Lucina woke up, there was a piece of paper next to her. It had a username and password for her for a site called GameFAQS. The username was "Xxx_Luc1n4_xxX" and (she didn't know it) the password was Chrom's social security number, 7.

Lucina went to her room at Smash Mansion and walked over to her closet. She pulled out her new laptop and logged into GameFAQS with her new account. A smirk came over her face and she went over to the Super Smash Bros. for Wii U board and posted her first topic: "Who is best waifu?" Logically, the opening post was "It's Jesus, right?"

The first response was from PrincessPeachToadstool. "Uh, no, it's me." Of course, xX_Z3ldA69_Xx responded to _that_ with "girl please." Then, ScaleTipper01 posted, "ladies, please. You're all best waifu ;)" Lucina muttered to herself, "perfect. Let the waifu war begin."


	22. Part 3, Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Zelda was confused. How could people think they're better waifus than her? She had the Triforce of Wisdom! How was that not enough to make her best? During her pondering, her new roommate, a Nyaruko-slam poster, walked in with a new School of Smash uniform. "Wow, Nyaruko-slam, you look nice in that school uniform," commented Zelda.

"YOU'RE ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS OF ME!" retorted the Nyaruko-slam poster.

"No, I'm serious!" Zelda responded.

"Yeah, right, bitch! He's mine, back off!"

"Who?"

"What?"

Lucina could hear the argument in the room across the hall from hers. "Great. They've begun fighting. My plan continues." Then, Morgan entered the room through the window. "Hey, sis!"

"Whoa, Morgan, what the hell? How'd you get in here?"

"The window. Duh."

Elsewhere in Smash Mansion, Shulk was looking for Solid Snake. He wasn't sure where Snake was. There were only 2 rooms he hadn't checked, so he walked into the nearest one. In the corner, he saw...Master Hand? Master Hand was reading a comic book, except it appeared to be backwards, and in black and white. Shulk activated Monado Speed, and ran over to the corner, picking up the book. He looked at the cover. "By Bionis…" Master Hand made a weird hand (body?) gesture.

"I-It's not what it looks like!"

"But, Master Hand...I thought you hated…" Master Hand was reading none other than Neon Genesis Evangelion!

"I can explain!"

Then, Crazy Hand floated in, holding a sandwich. "Hey, Master Hand, did we run out of musta...oh my Sakurai." Crazy Hand stuttered, as his sandwich fell to the floor. Master Hand drooped. Now not only did Crazy Hand know the truth, but a fighter did, too! He pointed at Shulk. "If you tell _anyone_ , I'll fire you!"


	23. Part 3, Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Face Nemesis and Lucina were at the park, sitting on a bench. Well, only Face Nemesis was on the bench due to her size; Lucina had to sit on the ground next to the mech. Face Nemesis closed her robot eyes and sighed.

"Ah, the breeze feels so good...I wish every day could be like this."

"I agree. In the future, we didn't have anything like this. We didn't have Jesus, either." Face Nemesis handed Lucina a sandwich, and Lucina took a bite.

"So? What do you think?"

"This is great! It tastes so good!"

"Really?"

"It's amazing!"

"Oh, Lucina, you say that every day…Even though I only met you like yesterday. "

"Not quite. It's always delicious, but today it's amazing." Face Nemesis breathed a robotic sigh of relief, but it was short-lived.

Just then, the bushes nearby rustled. Lucina and Face Nemesis both turned to face the bush, as Peach popped out. She frolicked over to Lucina and said, "How _dare_ you suggest I'm not best waifu!" With that, she bitch slapped Lucina and floated away daintily on her parasol. Lucina glared.

"Oh, it is _on_. _On like Donkey Kong_." But there was a more current matter. They were out of sandwiches, and they were still hungry.


	24. Part 3, Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Lucina and Face Nemesis walked into the Smash Mansion cafeteria, which was also open to friends and family of Smashers. As a matter of fact, Chrom and Garon were there too. Lucina sat across from Chrom, while Face Nemesis went somewhere else, as she was like 3 times the height of everyone else. "Father," Lucina said in a cold voice. Garon could sense the tension. Everyone at the table remained quiet, until Lucina slapped Chrom with a chicken finger. Pit, who saw this, immediately shouted "FOOD FIGHT!" Chrom grabbed a fish stick, and he and Lucina began to duel. There was much intensity, as fish clashed on chicken. Bread crumbs flew.

Garon picked up a turkey and threw it at Solid Snake, knocking him unconscious. Shulk ran over and held Snake in his arms. "Snake? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaake!"

Lucina glanced at Shulk, giving Chrom time to slap her with a fish stick. Robin gasped, then grabbed a lunch tray. "TIME TO TIP THE SCALES!" she shouted as she threw it at Chrom. However, another lunch tray flew, and knocked Robin's off course so it hit Takumi, who had just entered, instead. "Checkmate," proclaimed MaRobin monotonously. Then, he grabbed another lunch tray. "Here's how it's done," he said in the same monotonous voice. He threw it, and it hit FeRobin in the face, knocking her off her feet and into unconsciousness.

However, MaRobin's victory was short-lived. Chrom and Garon ran at MaRobin with fish sticks, staggering MaRobin. Unfortunately, they had underestimated the power of infinite grinding-MaRobin had maxed his HP. He wasn't down yet.

MaRobin picked up yet another lunch tray and threw it at Lucina. It hit her in the stomach just as she jumped at Peach, but MaRobin had also underestimated the power of infinite grinding. Lucina's jump strike was canceled, and she crashed to the floor, but she still had some HP left. Shulk pulled out the Monado, and it opened up, although there was no beam of light. "Monado...PEPPER!" Shulk screamed, and the Monado unleashed a stream of Dr. Pepper at Lucina, fully revitalizing her.

Lucina turned back toward Chrom, and grabbed another chicken finger. Chrom and Lucina continued to fight, until Palutena came in and to ruined the fun. She was furious, and unleashed Heavenly Light onto the two Ylisseans-but it was actually lemonade, not light. Heavenly Lemonade, bitch. Lucina blacked out.


	25. Part 3, Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

When Lucina awoke, she was in an unfamiliar room, tied up on a bed, but not in a kinky way. The room was actually just MaRobin's room at the Smash Mansion. The TV was on, and was showing Dragon Ball Z for some reason. Then, MaRobin stepped into the doorway... MaRobin stripped off his shoes and climbed on top of the bed (lewd~). "Talk dirty to me~" he whispered into her ear.

"...Lunes," responded Lucina. Robin gazed at her. "Martes."

"Miercoles."

"Jueves."

"Viernes."

"Saba…" Then, Lucina shook her head, coming out of her Espanol daze. "You will not watch Dragon Ball Z with me!" she shouted at him. MaRobin already had his steely response ready: "No u." He cackled. "We are both going to watch Dragon Ball Z and you will like it!" Olivia burst through the doorway, asserting "I can watch Dragon Ball Z too!"

Then, Chrom walked in, partially asleep. It took him a few moments to realize what was happening to his daughter. "Oh...my bad." he said, and walked to the kitchen, where he got some fish sticks from the fridge and brought them over to the table. He was about to eat them, when he realized he needed tartar sauce, so he walked back to the fridge and grabbed the jar.

Chrom returned from the fridge, only to find his fish sticks had been eaten! However, the culprit was Metal Face, who Chrom loved almost as much as Garon, so Chrom let it slide. Everyone (except Takumi, since he's too edgy) loved Metal Face, and for good reason. I mean, look at how kawaii he is. The way his claws slid right through Fiora's soft flesh, like a hot knife through butter. So sugoi sugoi kawaii desu. Metal Face blushed like a generic anime girl.


	26. Part 3, Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Lucina was ready to begin her master plan. She untied herself (it was a square knot), snuck into Master Hand's room and placed a note, forged in Crazy Hand's writing. She hid in a closet as Master Hand entered and read the note. He made a thumbs up to absolutely no one.

The next day at lunch, Master Hand floated in. "Excuse me, but I have an announcement. It has come to my attention that Jesus is, indeed, best waifu. That is all." with that, he left.

Peach and Zelda shot out of their chairs and simultaneously said, "he did not just say that! I'm best waifu!" they turned toward each other and both said, "No way, nerd! It's me!" Still in her seat, Bayonetta smirked. "Awfully cheeky, aren't we? Why don't we settle this with a good, old-fashioned waifu war?" Bayonetta realized what she said and how stupid the concept was. Palutena stood up, now. "I agree, for some reason. But even still, do you really think you stand a chance against a goddess?" From his seat, Pit added, "Yeah! Go, Lady Palutena!" Dark Pi-I mean, Sailor Neptune tossed a roll at Pit and knocked him out.

The males fled the room, because they usually cannot be waifus since they were male. Well, all but a few. MaRobin hid behind a trash can and watched the sexy girl fight begin. He thought of Lucina, and realized a waifu war must have been her plan all along. "Now, she's thinking with portals."

Peach somehow pulled out a turnip from the tile floor and threw it, but Rosalina used her space waifu powers to draw the turnip toward her, and then vomited because the turnip was covered with the toxic tile-dust. Meanwhile, Bayonetta, Sheik, and Zero Skill Spamus were having a combo fight in midair, just like in the episode of Dragon Ball Z Lucina and Robin watched the other night. It was a pretty okayish episode.

Severa drew her sword and pointed it at Face Nemesis, proc'ing Vengeance. "SAY GOODNIGHT!" she shouted, and jumped at Face Nemesis. She slashed open the cockpit, and inside was….Fiora Kirby? Fiora Kirby pulled out two daggers and launched at Severa. "Unh! Thooo! Kos Impaact!" poyo'd Fiora Kirby, his baby voice filled with murderous intent, cutting Severa. "B-baka! You cut me!"

Lucina grinned as the girls kept fighting, until another girl hit her with something pointy. Lucina turned around and drew Falchion, ready to fight this waifu who dared challenge her and her love for Jesus. Marth pulled out her own Falchion, and the two clashed, Marth parrying Lucina's strikes. "Minna, mitete kure!" Marth said, and the other waifus suddenly stopped and looked at Marth. Even Bayonetta, Sheik, and Zero Skill Spamus did, still in midair. But as soon as Marth finished saying it, everyone resumed.

Kamui clashed with FeRobin, but called for a time-out. She spotted MaRobin and walked over. "Hey babe, let's get out of here." MaRobin agreed, but he secretly thought Lucina was best waifu. Lucina had to survive this fight. He cast Arcfire to create a diversion, and Lucina fled the cafeteria.


	27. Part 3, Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Lucina knew that no woman was safe in the Smash Mansion for now. She fled to Ylisstol (which was actually just down the road, believe it or not), completely unaware of what-or who-awaited her there….

Lucina entered her room there and plopped down on the bed. "Good. Now those other, subpar waifus will destroy each other, and Jesus shall reign supreme!" She let out a surprisingly evil laugh, but just then, a figure emerged from the shadows. It was Lucina's mother! "Wait, mom? How'd you get here already?" FeRobin ignored Lucina's remark. She was ready to destroy even her own daughter if it meant she'd be best waifu. She advanced toward Lucina and pulled out a red book. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but I'm best waifu, and by the gods I'll prove it, dammit! BALOGNANONE!" But Robin didn't just cast Balognanone (which is different than Bolganone)-she did it while doing the hella swag Mage GBA crit animation.

The room was engulfed in an inferno. When the flames settled, FeRobin gasped. She didn't realize Morgan had been in the room as well, and Dual Guarded Lucina! Then, Chrom and Garon burst in. "Lucina! We know what you've done! We know you tried to start World War Waifu! And because of that, WE'RE REVOKING YOUR GAMEFAQS ACCOUNT. But not just that...you're banned from going to Church!" Lucina fainted from shock, and Chrom and Garon began to exit the building.

They made it to the front door, but were stopped by Pete from Animal Crossing. "I have a letter for a...Mr. Garon?Is there a Mr. Garon here?" he announced. "That would be me," Garon responded. "Here you go," said Pete as he handed the letter and then flew away, off into the sunset, only he flew too close and burned up. Garon opened the letter.

"King Garon of Nohr,

You have been formally invited to join the next installment of Smash Bros., Super Smash Bros 5. I sincerely hope you will accept my offer.

From, the Smash God

Masahiro Sakurai"

Garon couldn't believe it. He was going to be in Sma5h!? "Sorry, Chrom, but I'm in Smash now. I can't love you anymore. Please understand." Chrom broke into tears. Their eternal love was not truly eternal.

And that is why you do not question why Garfield hates Mondays.


	28. Part 4, Chapter 1

**Part Four: Takumi's Royal Shitfest** **Chapter 1**

Takumi couldn't believe the news. Garon had broken up with Chrom!? Now was Takumi's chance. Takumi snuck into the Smash Mansion and up to Garon's new room. He opened the door, and saw Garon combing his luscious beard. Garon's iPod was playing his favorite song, "The Sign" by Ace of Base. Takumi took a deep breath, and walked in. "King Garon of Nohr….I love you." Garon stopped combing his beard and turned around, but left "The Sign" playing. "Eh? Oh, you're not a Smasher. I could never love you." Takumi felt his heart shatter. He ran from the room, crying. He kept running and running.

Eventually, Takumi somehow made his way to Castle Krakenburg. "Ah. Good. A place to rest." However, Takumi failed to realize he was at the Nohrian royal palace.

Takumi made it inside just fine, but it all changed when he reached the hallway leading to the throne room. There, he ran into four figures- legendary troll Mariotehplumber, Princess Elise, Failed Seductress Camilla, and...Nyaruko-slam? And not that poster-no, this was the real deal. Or so Takumi thought. Mariotehplumber was arguing with the princesses. "If you're gonna localize something, localize what appeals to North Americans. Not Japanese weeb shit. Don't make a Direct using Japanese voice acting. Or someone going Oniiiiii-" At that moment, Elise and Camilla turned around, and the Nyaruko-slam poster switched to her Cc Lemonhead persona. The four of them activated the power of Onii-slam Puppet Snake. Takumi couldn't handle this. He passed out.


	29. Part 4, Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

When he came to, they were gone. Or were they? Another Nyaruko-slam poster was there, but Takumi thought it was the real deal too. He drew his bow. "Nyaruko-slam! Take this!" He released the arrow, but because it was made of wind, the poster simply drifted away. "Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!" it chanted as it cruised along the wind.

Somewhere far away, the true silver-haired paper maiden stood in front of a printing press. "Perfect. At the rate these are being printed, I can exact my revenge on Lucina." The posters that had already been printed chanted in unison. "Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam! Come on and slam, if you want to jam!"

In Ylisstol, Lucina was throwing a tantrum. "Waaaaaaaahhhhh! Papa! How could you take away my Jesus? It's not fair!" Lucina had been whining for days. Chrom had had enough. "Lookie here, you little bitch. You tried to start a world war. Over something other than fishsticks. I'm ashamed of you."

Lucina stopped crying. "What the frick did you just fricking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Ylissean Guard, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Plegia, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in Galeforce and I'm the top Great Lord in the entire Ylissean Royal Family. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the frick out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in this Outrealm, mark my fricking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over a spy network? Think again, fricker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Ylisse and your land is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fricking dead, pops. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire armory of the Ylissean Guard and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fricking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fricking dead, kiddo."

Lissa and Frederick burst out from around the corner, both of them blaring airhorns. Lissa raised one hand above her head and shouted, "Oooooooooooooooh!"


	30. Part 4, Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Takumi had finally made it out of Castle Krakenburg, and ran all the way to Cheve. He was preparing to leave Cheve, when he heard footsteps from behind him that landed in a seductive rhythm. A mysterious, almost eerie music began to play.

Takumi turned around to face the source of these anomalies. From the shadow cast by the border wall, a figure walked out in a seductive manner. It was Guile! Takumi gasped, and Guile opened his mouth. "Are you man enough to fight with me?" With that, the eerie music stopped, and a new music began to play-Guile's Theme, and the Street Fighter II version at that! Takumi knew he couldn't defeat Guile, but he had no choice. He knew his Fuujin Yumi couldn't even mildly injure Guile, so he prepared a different fighting style.

"Kikoken!" Takumi shouted, and launched a ball of energy at Guile. Unfortunately for Takumi, his 0% Magic growth meant it fizzled out before it even became close to Guile, who smirked. In a flash, Guile had rushed up to Takumi, and jump kicked him. Takumi was knocked down, and Guile began to sweep kick Takumi repeatedly. Eventually, Takumi's health bar depleted, and he was knocked into the air and immediately fell backwards, all in slow motion. The letters KO suddenly appeared, and Guile struck a triumphant pose. However, this was only round one.

Round two was just as brutal. In fact, Guile went with the exact same tactics, yet Takumi still lost. Guile struck the same triumphant pose, and glared at Takumi. "Go home and be a family man." Takumi was barely able to stand, and hobbled away back to Shirasagi Castle.

At Shirasagi Castle, Takumi walked into his room and plopped onto his bed. However, he had little time to rest from his recent beating, because Ryoma then entered the room. "B-Brother!? But how!? Everyone thought you committed the sudoku!" "I did, Takumi. I did commit the sudoku. But you see...I was on Casual mode. And...I met a lobster companion." With that, Walhart the Conqueror walked in, wearing his crimson lobster armor. "Takumi, this is Walmart." "Fool! It's Walhart!" "Yes. Anyway, Walmart and I plan to raise a lobster army. With that, we can win this war against the Nohrians." Takumi, being the idiot he is, forgot to warn Ryoma of Guile, Nohr's greatest, most undefeatable warrior.

Takumi was stressed by Ryoma's plan. He decided to walk around the Hoshidan Capital to relieve it, but he was crying. Suddenly, he stopped when he passed a pink-haired loli. "Madoka, is that you?" "No! Jesus fricking Christ why does everybody ask me that," responded this mysterious girl. Then, Takumi thought to himself, "wait, who's Madoka anyway? And why does she have lookalikes everywhere?" with that, he resumed crying.

He continued to cry, as the salty tears obscured his sight. Since he couldn't see properly, he bumped into Camilla's breasts and fell over. "Oh my~ If it isn't the darling little Prince Takumi of Hoshido?~" she said seductively, and extended her hand to help Takumi get back up. But as soon as Takumi stood up, he blacked out.

When he woke up, he was in his bedroom. Camilla was there. She looked sexy, and Takumi was horny. "You know, darling Takumi, you've got some pretty sweet action figures here." "T-thanks…" Suddenly, before either of them knew what was happening, the two ended up on top of Takumi's bed. They began to have sex. "Oh, Camilla…" he moaned. Then, he said, "You're awfully two-dimensional. And made of paper." "Pay it no heed, little princeling." However, inside the box, things were different. "Snake, why is someone making odd noises and hitting our box?" "These action figures... They're pretty good."


	31. Part 4, Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

When Takumi woke up the next morning, the Camilla poster was gone. He cried.


	32. Part 4, Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Lucina had locked herself in her room again. Chrom couldn't believe how much of a baby she was. "Morgan, looks like you're the only one who can get in there. So...uh….Get in there, or something." With that, Morgan jumped out the window and began scaling the castle wall, because that's strategy. He crawled into Lucina's window. "Heya, sis!" Lucina looked at him, and shaked her rattle. "Agoo…." she babied. Then, Lucina stepped out of the shadows. "Morgan." Morgan opened his mouth, but Lucina interrupted him. "Waaaaaaaaaaahhhh!" "Oh shit! Is she hungry?" "Maybe? I'm-I mean, she's a baby! She's-I'm not a parent!"

Then, another figure crawled through the window. "Hey, mom!" chimed FeMorgan. "Oh shit...I do have a daughter, don't I…" MaMorgan looked at FeMorgan. FeMorgan looked back. Then she pulled out several books. "Hey! Wanna play tome stackers?" "Heck yeah!" "Morgan, no! I'm- She's sleeping!" "What? No she's not." Lucina's eyes watered. Lucina and Lucina began to cry.

Suddenly, another girl crawled through the window. She looked just like Morgan, except she had blonde hair instead of blue. The two FeMorgans locked eyes. They stared for what felt like hours. Then, they both reached into their bags, and pulled out some books. "Tome Stackers!" they shouted in unison, full of excitement. But before they could begin, a red-haired Morgan crawled through the window. "Tome Stackers!? I wanna play too!" Then came a light pink-haired one. And another blonde. And a green-haired one. And a white-haired one. And another white-haired one with manakete ears or some shit. The FeMorgans kept pouring in. They all pulled out tomes and played the largest, most epic game of Tome Stackers ever. Lucina, Lucina, and MaMorgan passed out. Laurent did, too, in the courtyard, but who cares about him?


	33. Part 4, Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

When Lucina and MaMorgan woke up, they saw Owain crouching over them, a look of confusion on his face. "O-Owain?" "Ah, the holy princess awakens at last! Come, Lucina! There is something magnificent I must show you!" "Is it Jesus?" she asked, but her question was ignored. He pulled Lucina up and dragged her away, leaving MaMorgan in the dust.

Lucina followed Owain into the forest. "Owain, why did you bring me here?" "Hold, Lucina! You shall see in time! We're almost there, anyway!" After what seemed like an hour, the two arrived at a lake. "Look under the water, Lucina!" Lucina saw...a dull sword? "Owain, what's so good about this?" Owain reached into the water, and pulled out the blade. "Don't you see? This shape! It's the legendary Mystletainn!" Lucina looked at the engraving on the sword-It read "Missiletainn". However, Lucina had never seen Owain this excited, so she didn't tell him.

Suddenly, Takumi fell out of the sky, having left his bedroom for some inexplicable reason. He fell on top of Owain, causing the latter to groan, "Ow! My sacred stones!" Then, Takumi got up and glanced at Owain. "Ha! Not my fault you're weak." Little did Takumi know, Owain's stats were way higher than his. However, Missiletainn had gone flying back into the lake from the impact, so Owain was more focused on retrieving it than dealing with Takumi, so he didn't see the Hoshidan noble draw his bow and prepare an arrow.

However, just before Takumi could shoot Owain, four voices chanted in unison. "Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!" Lucina could recognize that voice from anywhere. "Oh no...Nyaruko-Slam posters!" The four Nyaruko-Slam posters flew in from the trees, carried by the breeze. Then, a fifth figure emerged. "Lucina! I wanted to come on and slam with you! And you shot me! Over a poster!" Lucina looked confused. "Who are you again?" Nyaruko-Slam became furious. With that, more posters floated through the breeze, and smothered the three Royals.


	34. Part 4, Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

When they came to, Takumi and Owain were unsure where they were. All they knew was it wasn't where they were before, and Lucina wasn't with them. In the corner slept none other than the Nohrian princess Camilla. Takumi didn't want to wake her up in response to the other night, but he was trumped when Owain shouted, "AH! MY ACHING BLOOD!" With that, Camilla rubbed her eyes. "Ah, the lovely Prince Takumi. And it seems my little brother's retainer is here too?" Owain held a finger to his lips. "You shut up!" he scolded Camilla with his eyes. Camilla didn't quite get it, and decided to follow the two.

They exited their room, and found themselves in what appeared to be a warehouse. "My, how strange~" cooed Camilla, but Takumi covered her mouth. He had seen a Nyaruko-Slam poster nearby. "This must be where they're made…" he thought to himself. The three hid beyond a crate, but unfortunately for them, another Nyaruko-Slam poster had been hung up on the wall. "Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!" it exclaimed, alerting the other Nyaruko-Slam posters. The Royals were surrounded once more. However, before the posters could attack, everyone heard a window shatter. Camilla and Takumi looked in the direction of the sound, and saw many red things fly through the broken window and land with a plop. This strange event had made the Nyaruko-Slam posters wary, but their alertness wasn't enough to stop what awaited them.

Hundreds of lobsters crawled toward the crowd menacingly, clashing their claws. Then, Ryoma the Lobster Lord flew through the window. "Lobster army, advance!" he yelled, and the lobsters jumped up as A Dark Fall (Fire) began to play in the background, even though Ryoma is the only Hoshidan royal who doesn't have that track play. The posters were no match for the sheer lobster power, and were torn to shreds.

The front doors to the warehouse were cut down, and in rode Walmart on his horse. "Today, we conquer the poster factory! Tomorrow, the world!" Lobster Lord Ryoma and the rest of his lobster army then turned toward the back of the building. Unfortunately(?) for them, the three Royals had rushed ahead during the chaos of the lobster's onslaught.

The three kept running around crates and avoiding any Nyaruko-Slam posters. Of course, any they passed were torn up by the lobsters that followed them. They turned a corner, but they had gained too much momentum, and crashed into Mariotehplumber, knocking everyone over. Mariotehplumber sat up, and looked at Camilla. "Oh, great. More proof that Nintendo is a hentai." Camilla gave him a sensual hug in response, but he was too scrubby to appreciate it. Then, the three moved on. But little did they know, Mariotehplumber had slipped a revolver into Camilla's bra without her noticing and for seemingly no reason.

The trio continued to maneuver around crates until Owain stopped suddenly. "Ssh...Listen to the winds of fate!" With that, some kickass music began to play, and a true American emerged from around the corner of the crate. "Are you man enough to fight with me?" Guile declared. Obviously,it was a rhetorical question-nobody is man enough to fight with Guile. Takumi gazed at Guile, unwilling to engage him after his last beating. But then, he had an idea. "Guuiileee! Whyyyy don't yoooouuuu join us?" "Hahaha, why would I ever join a bunch of amateurs!" "...Come on…" "Well...ok." Now that they had the undefeatable Guile on their side, they rushed onward. However, they came across a magical barrier of magic that only Takumi could cross for reasons. For some reason, he decided to reach into Camilla's bra and pulled out the revolver that had just so conveniently happened to have been placed there. Then, he crossed the barrier.


	35. Part 4, Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Takumi walked up the steps of light that inexplicably appeared in front of him. Light glimmered in through a hole in the ceiling. As he climbed them and neared the top, he saw Nyaruko-Slam. "Well, well, well. If it isn't Takumi." With that, Nyaruko-Slam turned around, and Kaiser Oblivion's theme began to play as Nyaruko-Slam drew her basketball. Takumi drew his bow. They were some pretty good sketches. Nyaruko-slam didn't want to admit, but Takumi was way more prepared for the art fair than she was. Then, a stray Nyaruko-Slam poster fell off the wall. Takumi was unsure which was the real one. He knew he had to destroy the imposter. But he couldn't tell the difference, and he didn't want to hurt his new friend. Pulling out the revolver, he took off the safety. But he just couldn't pull the trigger. Luckily for him, he heard a propeller's noise, followed by his older sister's voice. Thinking Camilla was still with Takumi, the Hinokopter shouted out, "Nohrian scum!" Then, Lucina dropped down from the Hinokopter's fine, fine legs and grabbed the gun from Takumi. Not caring who died anymore, Lucina shot the real Nyaruko-Slam. "What the frick, bitch? That's the second time you've shot me!" But before Nyaruko-Slam could express her anger more, she bled out. Lucina lowered the gun. "Good." Takumi stared at her in shock, and the Hinokopter's wind from her propeller blew the poster away. "Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!" Takumi blacked out.


	36. Part 4, Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Takumi woke up, still in the warehouse. Moonlight shone through the hole. Face Nemesis stood over him. Takumi shot up. "It's a metal…" a leftover Nyaruko-slam poster then questioned, "Metal Gear!?" Before Takumi could acknowledge this Nyaruko-slam poster, Corrin dropped down from the hole in the ceiling. "My path is clear!" he shouted, and proceeded to rub Takumi's face. "Mm...mrgh….myrgh…" he mumbled, unable to actually speak due to the force with which Corrin was rubbing him. Eventually, Corrin stopped and Takumi was able to breathe. But before he could fully recover, a flash occurred around Corrin, and his face covered part of the screen that is reality. "You won't stop me!" Then, Corrin resumed rubbing Takumi, much to the latter's dismay. In fact, Takumi's eyes began to well up. Then, 8 more figures dropped down from the hole. Ness pointed at Corrin. "In the name of the moon, I will punish you! Moon tiara action!" Sailor Moon unleashed his-I mean, her Moon Tiara Boomerang Thing and threw it at Corrin. However, Corrin used his totally-not-bullshit Counter Surge, and KO'd Sailor Moon. As a side effect, the Counter also damaged Face Nemesis. Its sexy cockpit opened, and out fell...Fiora Kirby!

Fiora Kirby prepared to unleash her Mag Storm, but two more events interrupted her. First, Nyaruko-slam's corpse began to convulse, and her pool of blood began to flow back into her. As well, the Sailor Scouts' presence had purified the blood. Nyaruko-slam came back to life, but she was Nyaruko-slam no more-she had returned to her original form, Nyaruko-san! However, a figure emerged from the shadows. Lucina had never left the room! She raised the gun and riddled Nyaruko-san with bullets once more, just because she could this time and not as part of some deeply emotional scene. "Three times!" The bullets were also, conveniently(?) enough, tainted, and Nyaruko-san transformed back into Nyaruko-slam. Then, Shinji broke out of a crate. Lucina pointed the gun at him and then used her other hand to point at the now-empty Face Nemesis. "Shinji, get in the fricking robot!" Shinji quivered. "Noooooo! I am afraid!" "Shinji, you fricker!" Then, Gendo climbed out of the same crate. "Hey, Shinji, you'd better pilot it or I won't love you anymore!" "Father, you nEVER LOVED ME!" "Hueueueueueueue"

Then, Fiora Kirby stepped forward. "Hi! (If he can't do it, Takumei must do it!" poyo'd Fiora Kirby. Takumi lay there, crying like usual. Shinji looked at Takumi smugly. "Yes, let him do it."

Lucina and Gendo grabbed Takumi's arms, and slammed him into Face Nemesis' cockpit. Just then, the bootleg EVA-01 crashed down through the ceiling's hole, and King D-Sailor Uranus waddled over to it. "Nah, man, we don't need no crahbabeh! Ahll pilat dis here robot!" Takumi had lucked out, the little bitch. Suddenly, he was enveloped by a green light.


	37. Part 5, Chapter 1

**Part Five: I swear, it isn't a Jojo reference** **Chapter 1**

Takumi was lying on the cold, hard ground. Sunlight shone through the windows. Azura, Kamui, Hinoka, and Sakura looked over him. Hinoka sighed. "Trouble, trouble, trouble."

"Wh...where am I?"

"Yoooouu are the oooooocean's gray waaaaves, destined to see-Oh, you said where? My bad…" Azura and Kamui then crawled into another room, and Kamui rubbed Azura's face. The Hoshidan siblings couldn't see it, but they all knew when Azura said, "I have so many questions to ask you! Promise we'll meet again soon," and then immediately left the room.

Sakura turned back to Takumi. "I-I warped you back to C-Castle Shirasagi! You're safe now…" But then, there was a flash of blue light, and when it died down, Camilla was there.

"Naive little princeling~ never underestimate the brokenness of DLC classes~"

Hinoka grabbed her Naginata and pointed it at Camilla. "Nohrian scum!" Hinoka was right. Camilla was Nohrian scum.

Then, there was another blue flash. When that died down, Flora was there, too. "I hate to interrupt this, but...uwaaugh!"

Azura gasped. "Oh no!"

Hinoka pointed at Flora as well, and stuttered, "This gal...doesn't mess around!"

Sakura almost fainted. "Oh no!"

Kamui crossed her arms and hmph'd, "Hmph. Oh no. Hmph."

Flora pointed at them. "You'll never beat my secret technique!" Then, Flora ignited herself. "I catch on fire, you see!"

Takumi glared. "I'm going...to attack her head-on!"

Hinoka reached her arm out to stop him, crying, "No, Takumi!"

Azura was confused. "Wait, why not?"

Flora bitch slapped Takumi. "Waaaaaaaaaahhhh…." Takumi said as he recoiled.

Azura was no longer confused. "Oh, that is why."

Hinoka gestured to the group. "How will we ever defeat this unstoppable force of power?"

Flora struck a triumphant pose. "I have no weakness!"

Then, it hit Azura. "Wait! I have a plan!"

Hinoka gasped. "What'll it be, Azu-chan?"

Takumi roared, "No, Azura! She is invincible! There is no way!"

Sakura cried, "We're doomed!"

"No, I have-"

"Give it up! It's hopeless, Azura!"

"Does anyone have paper? I will write my will now."

"Yes, I do."

Azura began to dance. Then, she threw a bucket of water at Flora. "Yaaaaaaaaaah!"

"I acknowledge your sturength. You have defeated me, and I will let you pass."


	38. Part 5, Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Takumi had packed up his belongings and was ready to depart to the Smash Mansion and move in with his secret lover, Bayonetta-Master Hand did let the lovers of Smashers reside there. However, before he could even exit Castle Shirasagi, thousands of red lobsters stormed the castle, back from conquering the poster factory. "Go, my lobster companions. You have earned your rest," commanded Ryoma.

But the lobsters were ruthless. As they passed Takumi, they shredded up the pack containing his belongings. Takumi glared. "Oh, that's it!" He drew a Crescent Bow and proc'd Astra for all four hits, hitting lobster after lobster in vengeance. He grabbed a new pack and continued on his way.

Oboro gazed longingly at Takumi from in the hedges. "Oh, my liege...I will make you mine…"

After a few days, Takumi had finally arrived at the Smash Mansion. However, he knew Garon's room was near the front entrance. He couldn't risk passing by and having Garon spot him. Instead, Takumi began scaling the wall, and crawled through Bayonetta's window. She was lying on her bed, sucking a lollipop. She heard the clunk as he fell to the floor, and rolled over. "What a unique entrance, my sweet. Awfully devoted, aren't we?"

"I'm sorry, Bayonetta, but I've had a rough trip. I think I'll just rest." Takumi climbed into the bed with her, and tried to fall asleep.

Bayonetta played with Takumi's hair. "You're so cute, my darling…" She nibbled on Takumi's hair. It tasted like an off-brand pineapple.

Before they could get it on further, Lucina kicked down the door and shot Bayonetta. Takumi watched Bayonetta collapse onto the floor. "What the frick!?"

Then, Lucina pointed the gun at Takumi. "Follow me."


	39. Part 5, Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Lucina led Takumi outside of the Smash Mansion. "Get in the car."

"Where are we g-"

"Get in the car." Takumi and Lucina climbed into the back seat just as a disembodied female voice declared "THE SHADOW REMAINS CAST" in the distance, and drove all the way around Smashville and back to the Mansion. Lucina yanked Takumi out of the car, pointed the gun to his back, and led him to her room, where she had kept a Nyaruko-slam poster. "Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!"

Takumi glared at Lucina. "Why did you invite me here, again?"

Lucina shrugged her shoulders. "I think this scene only exists so the author can show just how crazy I've become."

Suddenly, Ness kicked down the door. "PK In the Name of the Moon, I Shall Punish You!" he declared, and threw his PK Moon Tiara. Lucina swiftly dodged, and loaded a pitch black bullet into her gun. She pointed it at Sailor Moon and shot her, sending her into a dark vortex. "I'm removing you from play!" With that, the vortex tore Sailor Moon apart, removing her from play.

Takumi's eyes widened. "Holy shit! What the frick!?"

Lucina pointed her gun at Takumi. "I'm sending you to the Shadow Realm!" There was a flash, but Takumi wasn't enveloped by the dark vortex. Instead, it was right in front of him! Oboro, in all her borderline creepy Takumi obsessiveness, had sacrificed herself for his sake. She turned to him, crying yet also smiling. "Goodbye, my liege…" With that, Oboro vanished. #RIPshouldnthavebeenuselessinrevelation

Before Lucina could fire another Shadow Bullet, Takumi pulled a card out from his hair. "Exodia! Obliterate!" Lucina suddenly vaporized and was no longer in the room. Then, a blonde hottie fell out of the closest. She turned to Takumi. "Uh, hi! I'm pop diva Britney Britney!" Before Britney Britney could continue, though, another blonde girl came out. She pulled out a microphone and shouted into it, "Looooove...In The Crossfire!

Setting my sights

Get you tonight

Love in the crossfire, ready aim fire!

Feeling alright

Squeeze you so tight

Love in the crossfire, ready aim fire!

Victory night

Set my love alight

Love in the crossfire, ready aim fire!"

The sheer beauty of Praline's music brought Lucina back. But then, Praline's fans jumped out of the closet, too, and dog piled Lucina, taking her to the ground. This gave Takumi enough time to escape. Or, it would have, if not for the fact that…

At that moment, Garon walked into the room, Master Hand right behind him. "See!? Non-Smashers!"

Master Hand clenched himself into a fist. "Lucina! You've been harboring non-Smashers!? You're-"

But before Master Hand could fire Lucina, she pointed her gun. "To the Shadow Realm with you!" she screamed, and pulled the trigger. But little did Lucina know that underneath that glove Master Hand wasn't a hand, but he was the Shadow Realm! And you can't send the Shadow Realm to itself.

Before either of them could do more damage, both Robins broke through the ceiling and each pulled out a fish stick. "Chrom!" They both shouted, and Garon's former lover flew through the window, his arm outstretched and holding another fishstick. The three of them unleashed a flurry of attacks on Lucina and Master Hand, sending them into a world of pain. Lucina would've been bouncing off the walls like crazy, had she not been smart enough to tech. Master Hand wasn't as fortunate.

While Master Hand was ricocheting all over the room, everyone else fled. Chrom tried to descend the stairs, but he tripped on a malicious chicken finger and fell. Garon flew down after him, his luscious beard flowing magnificently in the nighttime wind, glistening from the moonlight streaming through the windows. The Robins ELWIND'ed themselves back to MaRobin's room, where he proceeded to tip the scales. He tipped the scales eight whole times.

As Takumi crawled out the door, he heard Lucina shout, "To the Shadow Realm with you!" followed by another female's voice who angrily exclaimed, "four fricking times!" Takumi muttered to himself, "Ha. Not my fault you're weak," in reference to Nyaruko-slam.


	40. Part 5, Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Garon had finished flying down the stairs, when he found Chrom sprawled out on the floor, unconscious. They may not have been lovers anymore, but Garon knew he couldn't just leave Chrom there. So Garon picked Chrom up, took him out front, and just dumped him there. After all, he only couldn't leave Chrom by the stairs. But, it was perfectly fine to just leave him by the front door, so King Garon did just that.

When Chrom woke up, he immediately knew something was wrong. He wasn't where he was supposed to be. "Where am I?" he groaned, looking at his surroundings. It was some stone circle in an open area, with a strange monument at the center. Four flashes of light promptly occurred, and when they died down, he saw four Ests.

"MORE Ests!?" he heard a voice shout. The world suddenly paused, halting Chrom's consciousness once more. When he woke up again, a voice that could only be Anna blasted out, "FIRE EMBLEM: HEROES!" And shortly after that, Chrom heard the first voice again. "Ugh, not even Five Star? And +Res -Attack? Useless!" Chrom felt a tingling sensation, and was sent home.


	41. Part 5, Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Garon was back in his room, grooming his luscious beard again and humming his favorite song until some hot, steamy commotion started happening in the next room. In there, Cloud was up-airing Jigglypuff's jigglypuffs sensually, and Jigglypuff gave Cloud's "Buster Sword" some jiggly puffs. In other words, they were fighting each other to the death.

"I can't believe this," said Garon with disgust. "Where's the Toon Link? He's probably bestest for Ji-"

But before Garon could ponder further, his sock drawer burst open, and that one yellow Nopon popped out his head-body (what's the difference?) "HEROPON RIKI BEEEEEEEEEESTEEEEEESSSSST!" he shouted, as per usual.

But Garon was fed up. "You know what? No. Heropon Riki isn't bestest. Stop spreading this fake bullshit, you little yellow frick."

However, this only angered Riki's number one fan further. "HEROPON RIKI BESTEST," he shouted again, and the two launched into battle, Garon wielding his trusty Bölverk, and the Nopon youngling wielding his faith in Riki. The two clashed over and over, as Garon's other clothes, bed coverings, and hair products went flying around the room. Next door, Cloud and Jigglypuff stopped what they were doing, and left to go get some pizza.

When it all settled, Garon was lying on the floor. "Heropon Riki bestest," said the Nopon a final time, and he spat next to Garon and then left to go spread the word of the bestestness of Heropon Riki elsewhere.

Garon awoke hours later in the infirmary, Dr. Mario treating his wounds. "Datsa quite-a beating you-a took-a back-a there," he violently gestured with his hands, since he's Italian. "You-a very-a lucky if you-a can fight-a within da week-a. Any-a-way-a, you-a free to go." So, Garon left.


	42. Part 5, Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

At the same time as Garon's clash with Riki's fan on the other end of the building, a shitfest had broken out. Everyone there was in fear as Lucina and the Morgans kept trying to send people to the Shadow Realm. Takumi had taken to hiding inside Bowser's room. Unfortunately for him and Bowser, Duck Hunt Dog had taken shelter too. They were trying to hide, but Duck Hunt Dog just couldn't stop doing that shitty laugh and smile he always does, Jesus fricking Christ. And who would've guessed that such incessant laughing would cause them to be detected?

A gunshot could be heard as FeMorgan said, "time to go to the Shadow Realm!" With that, the door to Bowser's room was sent to the Shadow Realm.

"N-now look, Morgan. Hear me out," Takumi pleaded.

FeMorgan momentarily lowered her gun. "Alright. What?"

Takumi knew this was his only chance. "What if only two of us three walked out? What if we sacrificed someone, for the others' safety?" "I don't see why not. Who's the sacrifice?" Takumi and Bowser both knew instantly Duck Hunt Dog had to go, so they both picked him up and threw him at Morgan, who raised her gun and fired. "To the Shadow Realm!"

When that settled, FeMorgan began laughing maniacally. Takumi and Bowser were visibly nervous by this sudden shift. Morgan looked them both dead in the eyes. "You fools! Did you really think I'd let you all go? You really are easily bamboozled."

Bowser gasped. "What do you mean!?"

Morgan then proceeded to rip off her own head-revealing it was actually a mask, and underneath was none other than Drowsee! "This was all a trick. I deceived you." Drowsee drowsee'd. Drowsee was about to send our hero(?) and Bowser to the Shadow Realm, when some sweet string jazz kicked in. A black blur landed behind Drowsee, and a disembodied voice sang out, "you'll never see it comiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! You see, that my mind is, too fast for eyes!" Takumi and Bowser had been saved, by the glorious almighty power of the Persona 5 OST! And Joker, too, but he isn't as important to this story's plot (or is he?). Joker, Bowser, and Takumi initiated an All-Out-Attack, their best hope for defeating the truly malicious force that is Drowsee. Of course, this did Drowsee in, as it was his Last Surprise. They then fled the scene, the Persona 5 victory theme kicking in.


	43. Part 5, Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Olimar was confused. This was the Shadow Realm? It looked just like the real world. All that was different was now he couldn't tell whether it'd rain or not, it was too overcast. And did that bathroom's assigned gender swap? The h*ck was going on here? These weird rainbow feathers he'd found earlier sure didn't seem to serve any purpose, but h*ck did they look nice. Still didn't explain that dramatic noise he heard when he picked them up.

Suddenly, his blood ran cold, and one of his h*cka gay Pikmin grabbed onto his leg (lewd?). He heard someone teleport behind him. "Heh. Nothing personal, kid…" Nyaruko-slam said tauntingly. "I'll be taking that Dragoon piece you got there. Give it to me!" She performed an offensive slam jam gambit, and Olimar dropped the Dragoon piece. Seizing the opportunity, Nyaruko-slam grabbed it. "Yes! That's two now. Soon, I can assemble the real deal, and break out of here! Watch out, Lucina…." Little did Nyaruko-slam know, you could just leave the Shadow Realm by walking out the front door of the Shadow Smash Mansion; all you needed was the house key located in the 3rd floor unisex bathroom in the recreational wing to unlock the front door, although the key only materializes on Tuesdays and also Jewish holidays.


	44. Part 5, Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

There was a yelp as Lucina sent the last Luma to the Shadow Realm, nerfing Rosalina forever. "Good. But all this Shadow Realm business sure is making me thirsty," she complained. Then it hit her-this was the perfect place and time for a Diet Coke ad. So, she reached into her inventory and pulled out a nice, cold, refreshing Diet Coke, and drank it. She then turned to the reader and said in a chipper voice, "I may be an antagonist now, but that doesn't mean I can't still love the great, refreshing taste of Diet Coke!" and gave a thumbs up and winning smile. Down the hall, she could hear MaMorgan do a Diet Coke ad as well.

 _Editor's note: What_

Of course, these Diet Coke ads weren't for fun. No, Lucina had a plan. She would make Diet Coke become the supreme soda, and overthrow the manifestation of all that is good in the universe, Dr. Pepper. And who could stop her? She could just send them to the Shadow Realm. And once Diet Coke garnered enough support, all she would need to do would be to kill Dr. Pepper himself.

Miles away, Dr. Barack Obama-Pepper could sense this disturbance in the balance of sodadom. He knew Diet Coke would try this again some day. He just didn't expect it to be so soon.


	45. Part 5, Chapter 8 and a half

Chapter 8.5

Elsewhere, in the Smash Mansion's basement, a Mii Fighter (Gunner) is sitting in a dark room, staring at several computer screens. If a smartly dressed businessman had scheduled a meeting with him and walked into the room, he might have noticed a dull brass nameplate reading 'editor'. Said businessman may have noticed the look of utter confusion playing across the Mii's face, if Miis were capable of such facial expression. If the businessman were to take a peek at the various monitors, he may notice what appears to be utter garbage, transformed into writing, clogging up one of the screens. Of course, our Mii has no such contacts, nor is he an actual editor. The Mii, having enough of the trash splayed across his screen, decided to take matters into his own hands. If one were a mind reader, one might hear the Mii's thoughts: "I could probably fix this somehow. Just a few mino- well, major edits, maybe even changing a chapter or two…" Of course, mind readers are in short supply (and aren't in Smash), so it is not likely that one is reading this Mii's mind at this moment. "GRAGRGRRAH" muttered the Mii really loudly, probably too loud to be considered a mutter. However, the Mii could say nothing else, as Miis cannot talk in Smash. His circular hands (incapable of holding anything not glued in, such as the blaster fused with his arm), mashed the keyboard until the best edits he could make (without the writer firing him) were completed. It wasn't enough. The Mii Fighter, accidentally firing a few shots into the wall, took matters into his own hands. He would make"Garon's Royal Harem "into the single best story ever written. The Mii stood up, left his office, and walked down the stairs, deep underground under the Smash Mansion, and paused at a door labeled 'Author'. He blasted the door open with his neutral a, then walking in. The writer, a Mii Fighter (Swordsman), was playing Fire Emblem Heroes in an unlit corner, staring at his Daily Orbs in reverence. The Gunner walked over to the computer, and began typing. He would write the best chapter. He could fix this mess. He could save the story.

 _Editor's Note: However, some dreams remain dreams forever, and he resigned himself to writing this chapter. Back to your regularly scheduled unhinged madness._


	46. Part 5, Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Link was shocked at what the Smash Bros world had devolved into. "GRAAAAH" he shouted in frustration, as Link is unable to communicate through actual words, only grunts. He knew he had to do something, though. But before he could think further, the announcer shouted "3...2...1...go!" Link was confused. Who was he fighting?

He turned around, only to be face to face with his mortal enemy, Lonk. Lonk pulled out his bow, and fired an arrow. Of course, he hadn't charged it at all, so it basically didn't go anywhere. Link rushed forward and pulled out a bomb, but then Lonk fired another arrow. But this wasn't just any arrow-it was special. It struck Link, and he began to convulse. Lonk thought he had finally destroyed Link.

However, Link quickly recovered. And little did Lonk know, this special arrow had a special power. Link unleashed his brand new Stand, 「 R」. Of course, as a Stand, it needed a stat spread.

Power: A

Precision: B

Durability: C

Speed: B

Range: D

Developmental potential: B

Lonk didn't realize just what he'd done. Link's brand new Stand was an extra weapon he'd have to deal with. Link unleashed 「 ER」on Lonk, pummeling him with its fists, because there's definitely never been a Stand that does that before. However, Lonk had a secret: he had his own Stand, too. 「 T」.

Power: C

Precision: A

Durability: D

Speed: A

Range: B

Developmental potential: E

Lonk unleashed his Stand, which ended up just being a gun Stand, because definitely nobody's had that before either. Lonk fired off some bullets, but Link raised his shield, which for some reason makes him completely immune to projectiles. 「 R」then punched Lonk with all its Standish might, and knocked him out. Link was victorious.


	47. Part 5, Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Elsewhere, Lucina had cornered Chrom, and had her Shadow Realm gun pointed at him. "Lucina! Don't! I'm your father, for crying out loud!" Lucina hesitated for a moment, her hands beginning to tremble. Chrom, seeing his opportunity, fled the scene, but not without accidentally dropping a red card. Lucina picked up the card, and saw the logo. It was a calling card from the Phantom Thieves to her! "Try and send ME to the Shadow Realm, will you?" Shadow Lucina muttered, and her Palace's security reached max. Akira saw his cue, and entered the Palace, ready to steal Lucina's heart. She had to be stopped.

A few hours later, Lucina approached Chrom again, who she had finally found. Chrom was wary, but noticed Lucina didn't have a gun anymore. The plan worked. Lucina began to cry, but before she could apologize for what she'd done, Captain Falcon Falcon Punched her from behind, not knowing about her change of heart, and knocked her out.

When Lucina awoke, she felt...different. (A.N. can you guess what happens next? Here's a hint: she unlocks her Standu) In fact, Lucina had unlocked her brand new Stand, 「 E」!

Power: N/A

Precision: N/A

Durability: C

Speed: A

Range: Infinite

Developmental potential: B

However, thanks to the localization team, her Stand was renamed to 「 N」 or something. 「 N」 activated somehow, sending Lucina to a not-so-distant time.


	48. Part 6, Chapter 1

**Part Six: Okay, maybe it was a JoJo reference**

Chapter 1

"Lucina opened her eyes. "Where am I?" Through some magical plot bullshit, had Lucina pulled off a universe reset? Perhaps. She looked around her, taking in her surroundings: a field of white flowers. Lucina managed to blurt out "oh fu-" as Solid Snake grabbed her from behind in a choke hold, only to release her shortly after as he grunted in pain. Then, it struck Lucina-maybe she could stop Shulk and Snake's marriage! "Shulk! Watch out!" she shouted, only for Snake to sweep kick Shulk, knocking the unlicensed therapist to the ground. Snake pulled out a black box, and Lucina shouted out, "NOOOOOOoooo…...wha…?" as she saw Snake open the box. _That cursed box._


	49. Part 6, Chapter 2

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


	50. Part 6, Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The Mii Fighter (swordsman) that was the author just kept screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…" and so on. You see, his Daily Orbs had been cut off. He craved those orbs. Needed them. "AAAAAAAAAAAA"

But before he could scream more, an incredibly sexy voice spoke to him. "You must snap out of it. The story must go on." The author could recognize that voice anywhere-it was the one true god, Garfield! "I'll bring back your Daily Orbs. But you must keep writing. And get me some lasagna." With that, Garfield's voice faded, and the author came back to his senses. He knew what he had to do.


	51. Part 6, Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Lucina couldn't believe what had just happened. Even after using her Stand, she still couldn't stop Shulk and Snake's marriage? Even if the universe was rewound, their marriage still went against the bible's teachings. And even worse, she still hadn't uncovered the secret behind Nyaruko-slam's poster status.

She wandered the streets of Smashville, not looking where she was going. Of course, since she had rewound the universe, she bumped into Face Nemesis' sexy robot body again. Face Nemesis had no recollection of their previous (or is it now future?) interactions. She extended a sexy, cold, metallic hand out and pulled Lucina back onto her feet. "Hey, you okay?" she asked. Lucina paused, in shock at how she was reliving somewhat recent (to her) events. Face Nemesis interpreted this as Lucina ignoring her. "How rude!" she thought in binary, as she is a robot.

However, being a robot didn't stop Face Nemesis from having a special secret. In this "new" timeline, Face Nemesis had one too-a stand, 「 D」 .

Power: B

Precision: C

Durability: B

Speed: A

Range: D

Developmental potential: D

Logically, a Stand battle should commence, yes? After all, Lucina's willful ignorance was pretty dang rude. Face Nemesis brought out her Stand, and Lucina was stunned. This robot had a Stand? N-nani!? Lucina knew her Stand didn't stand a chance, since it didn't have fighting abilities-or did it?

Before Lucina could determine if 「 N」had combat abilities, 「 D」touched Lucina's arm. Next thing she knew, she was being turned into a catgirl! She could already feel her new tail and whiskers. But, this was one thing she knew her Stand could fix. She rewound time, just enough to undo the transformation. But why was Face Nemesis fighting her? Had she offended the robot somehow? As the reader already knows, yes, yes she had.

Lucina wasn't really in the mood for fighting, so she rewound time further, just enough to before the fight, just after the two collided. "Hey, sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going. It was my fault." Face Nemesis sighed. "It's alright. Hey, you look kind of down. What's wrong?" "I'm sorry, but I can't say. I wish I could." With that, Lucina ran off.


	52. Part 6, Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Chrom was confused. Where were these memories coming from? Why did he remember giving Lucina a GameFAQS account, even though he'd never done so? You see, Chrom's shared blood with Lucina allowed him to keep some memories from before time rewound. But all he could gather from what was right in front of him was he couldn't let Lucina get a GameFAQS account-World War Waifu could not happen. Although, Lucina had her memories too-what was stopping her from making the account herself? Certainly not a change of heart or anything, nah.


	53. Part 6, Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The Author was bent over a screen, this time his brainstorming sheet. He had to really please Garfield now that the cat had promised an entire month's worth of daily orbs. He had to come up with more Stands. "AAAAA" he Mii'd, which meant "I've got one...but who should I give it to?" But before he could decide, the door opened. He assumed it was The Editor, so he kept brainstorming. However, it was not for long, as before he could start coming up with another Stand, the figure that entered the room shouted, "HEBANZU DOWA!" The figure stepped closer, and pulled out a pen. "Hmm...I know just what to write. 'I will make Rohan Kishibe a main character in my literature.' Perfect." The deed was done. The Author was powerless against 「HEAVEN'S DOOR」. He would make Rohan a main character.


	54. Part 6, Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Lucina was getting ready to make her GameFAQS account, when her 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」 suddenly activated. She was helpless as 「 N」merged the two timelines or whatever, bringing the story back to where it was before the rewind, but, like, everyone still had Standus. But not just that-localization was undone, so Lucina's Stand changed back to 「 E」. "W...wha?" Lucina stammered, dazed by this turn of events. But she couldn't be so unaware for long, as two figures burst into the room-MaRobin and Nyaruko-slam (the real one, at that!). Nyaruko-slam pointed a finger at Lucina. "You bitch! I'm taking you down for good!" MaRobin then turned toward Nyaruko-slam, shocked. "Whoa, what the frick? That wasn't our deal! I thought we were just gonna use my 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」 to do some lewd~ stuff, like being in proximity of each other!" Lucina was so confused. "Hey, let's just have a Stand battle or something, I don't even know what's happening here." Both MaRobin and Nyaruko-slam agreed with her.

But before anyone could use their Stands, someone kicked down the door. It was Rohan! Wow! "Now, now. A 2-on-1 fight isn't very fair, is it?" Everyone stared at him. MaRobin was the first to speak. "Uh….I'm not even sure who's fighting who anymore. Ummm….boys vs girls?" Everyone agreed, even though Lucina and Nyaruko-slam were mortal enemies.

Nyaruko-slam activated her 「 S」, and summoned two basketballs from the void. But before she could do some sick dunks on Rohan and Robin, Robin started activating his 「 E」on everyone. He was trying to start a four-man smash, just like he had already stated as his intentions! And yet, everyone was shocked. Luckily, the effect had only begun, which gave Lucina enough time to rewind time to before Robin used his Stand to its fullest extent. However, Rohan's memories were intact, too. "Ummmm...no way. HEBANZU DOWA!" he shouted, and MaRobin's skin turned into pages of a book. "I know just what to write…'I will not use my Stand to start orgies.'" Lucina and Nyaruko-slam stared blankly, and then spoke in unison, "uhhhhhhh….bye?" With that, they both fled, but not before Lucina could shoot Nyaruko-slam. So actually, only Lucina fled.


	55. Part 6, Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Meanwhile, Takumi was busy being grumpy about his Stand, 「 E」 .

Power: N/A

Speed: C  
Durability: D  
Precision: C  
Range: A  
Potential: E

And honestly, what good would that even do? He could use bananas as phones? Wow, but that had literally no use combat-wise. But then, Lucina burst into his room. "Hide me," she panted, knowing MaRobin would still try and use his Stand for something if he found her. But before Takumi could shove her into the closet, a banana started ringing. He picked it up, listened for a moment, then handed it to Lucina. "It's for you."

Lucina was confused even more now. Did Takumi really just use a banana as a phone? She put the banana to her ear, and heard a female British voice speak. "I lived, bitch." It was Bayonetta! "Good for you!" Lucina responded in a chipper voice, confusing Bayonetta. But it didn't matter, as she broke through the window. "Lucina! You know you can't just do what you did to a lady…I think you need to be punished." Just then, Dark Pi-Sailor Neptune flew in through the same window. Lucina sighed. "This is gonna be another Stand battle, isn't it?" Bayonetta sighed too. "Probably, it's gotta be kept relevant." But before they could pull out their Stands, MaMorgan entered the room, gun raised. "To the Shadow Realm with you!" he shouted, sending all four of the other occupants to that mysterious place.


	56. Part 6, Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Everyone sighed in unison. "Really?" Anyway, they pulled out their Stands...Lucina knew she was outmatched. Her 「 E」couldn't beat one person by itself, let alone two. But she was saved once again, as more figures dropped into the Shadow Realm-one was Akira! As he fell, his clothes changed to his Phantom Thief outfit. He was here to help Lucina, with his new 「 E」. After him fell Greninja (pls nerf), and the totally unforced Yu Narukami, wow! Nobody really knew what was happening anymore, so they all just kinda started fighting, 3-on-3. But was Lucina's team at a disadvantage, as Yu didn't have a 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」? Of course, everyone else's Stands needed stats.

Akira's 「 E」

Power: B

Speed: A

Durability: C

Range: D

Precision: B

Potential: A

Bayonetta's 「 N」

Power: E

Speed: A

Durability: A

Range: C

Precision: A

Potential: E

Dark Pit's 「 Y」

Power: B

Speed: C

Range: C

Durability: B

Precision: D

Potential: A

Greninja's 「 G」

Power: A

Speed: A

Durability: D

Range: C

Precision: E

Potential: C

Greninja rushed at Lucina, who quickly sidestepped. However, she was only unable to dodge Greninja himself, as his Stand slapped her. Her vision went hazy, and next thing she knew, everything was….math equations? She could only barely tell friend from foe because of the colors of the numbers. Meanwhile, Yu and Akira tried to rush at Bayonetta. She tried to ready herself, but suddenly Akira disappeared. In the next moment, he'd gotten right behind her! She never saw him coming, as his mind was too fast for eyes. He quickly delivered a slash to her legs, and she tripped. She was done in, by the time it hit her-her last surprise. The combo was about to continue as Yu rushed at her, but then, the very gravity itself changed! It was the work of 「 N」, which set the gravity to that of the moon. Bayonetta stood up, and unleashed her own combo on poor Yu. He wasn't familiar at all with non-Earth gravity, leaving him completely helpless as Bayonetta kicked him over and over, following each up with several gunshots.

Lucina was trying to understand what the hell was happening here, as Dark Pit ran up to her, 「 Y」readying its fist. Lucina took a swift punch, and tried reacting. However, she found her movements had been slowed! She looked down, and saw….more math equations. 2+3x=7y/0. Great. But she could still feel-and knew her feet were being frozen over, and it was spreading upwards. She knew she had to counteract this somehow, and tried using 「 E」. ...But it wouldn't work. Her Stand wasn't responding.

She felt the ice proceed to freeze more and more of her body, up to her waist now. She tried her Stand again, but still nothing. Dark Pit smirked, and used his completely overpowered Electroshock Arm. Lucina felt the ice crack, as she went flying backwards from the impact. However...her lower legs had shattered. It was at that moment that her Stand finally activated, but something was different…

「 : A C T 2」

Power: A

Speed: B

Durability: C

Range: C/user's choice (time travel ability only)

Precision: C

Potential: D

Lucina rewound time, this time only affecting herself. When her time went back to normal, her legs were back, and she could see normal again. She reached behind her, and luckily managed to grab Greninja's tongue. She swung him around somehow, and then threw him at Dark Pit-the collision KO'd them both.

With the other two gone, Lucina could now help with the fight against Bayonetta. Through some hax bullshit, she used Farore's Wind and teleported near Akira. What she wasn't prepared for was moon gravity, thanks to Bayonetta's Stand. She hadn't accounted for it, and ended up teleporting well above where she intended to. Seeing her chance, Bayonetta returned gravity to normal, and Lucina plummeted to the ground. But before she could get back up, Face Nemesis came crashing down, too! Bayonetta's next teammate had arrived. She winked seductively, then jumped backwards, letting that sexy robot take over the fight.

Yu pulled out a tarot card and crushed it in his hand, commanding Izanagi to use Ziodyne. Unfortunately, he wasn't fast enough, and Face Nemesis flew up to him before the spell could be complete. And then came 「 D」. Lucina and Akira watched as Yu Narukami sprouted cat ears and a tail, slowly becoming Yu Nyarukami. But this catgirl transformation couldn't beat him. "Izanyagi!" he shouted, and fired off another Ziodyne, this time being successful. The lightning struck Face Nemesis, causing her to short-circuit. Bayonetta's confidence suddenly faltered, and she knew she'd been beat. "I surrender," she said. At that moment, Olimar ran up, holding the key. "Hey, guys, we can leave!" He unlocked the front door, and everyone returned to the real world except Olimar himself.


	57. Part 6, Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Chrom paced back and forth outside Garon's door. He had to get a resolution. He took a deep breath, and knocked. "Come in," Garon's gruff voice spoke out. Chrom entered. "Garon, it's me. I...I want to get back together."

"I told you, Chrom, I can only love Smashers now."

"But I'm technically in, I guess! I am part of Robin's final smash…"

"I'm sorry, Chrom, but that's not good enough."

Chrom was devastated at this. This wasn't how he expected it to go. But then he was angry. He watched as Garon started to trim his beard. Right as the scissors snipped his hair, Chrom pointed at him. "「D O N ' W」!" he exclaimed, using his Stand on his former lover. Garon was mortified when he realised what this meant...Chrom was forcing him to remove his entire beard. Chrom laughed, a surprisingly malicious undertone to his voice.

Garon's beard kept getting cut. By the time it was all gone, he was mortified. That beard was his prized possession. Next, Chrom pulled out a revolver, and pointed it at Garon. However, his hands were trembling. Was he really going to shoot Garon? Then, Garon spoke. "Go on! End a pitiful old man's life!" Chrom's eyes began to water. Garon's eyes widened.

In the next moment, Chrom dropped the gun. He couldn't do it. But then, he felt was smacked on the back of his head. "Ow!"

"Take that in the name of freedom, you cock-sucking hypocrite punk-ass bitch!" Sumia shouted. Chrom turned around.

"Sumia!?"

"Bet you forgot I'm in this fanfic too, didn't you? Anyway-" before Sumia could finish her line, she lost her balance and faceplanted. Chrom sighed, but this was his chance to escape. " 「D O N ' W」!" Sumia was now cursed to faceplant over and over. And unfortunately, she had no Stand she could retaliate with. Chrom walked out of the room.

Chrom kept walking down the hallway. He descended down the stairs...but was unaware he was being followed. He reached the front door, and then paused. He turned around to gaze upon the interior one more time, but that's when he saw them. Lucina and Rohan stood there, both visibly angry. "Garon texted me what you did, father." Lucina spoke in a flat tone. Chrom started to sweat. But then, the third door on the left burst open. "Cut, cut! This isn't what's supposed to happen!" The Author shouted. But it was, little did he know. All was going according to plan, and now Rohan had his chance. " 「 A」!" he yelled.


	58. Part 7, Chapter 1

**Part 7: I don't have a title but it's the same plotline except now The Author is replaced by The Editor who was actually Rohan all along rather than a Mii and also Garon has an actual harem**

 **Chapter 1**

Rohan stood over The Author, and pulled out a pen. "I will hand control of this fanfiction over to The Editor." It was done. Sure, it wouldn't actually have any real effect on the plot, but it had to be done. "Anyway, I'm out of here. You guys go have the next fight or whatever, I need a break." With that, Rohan left the building.

Right as the door closed, Garon descended the steps, a small harem following him. He'd been taking lessons from Akira. Chrom eyed the group of girls: Sumia, Zelda, Peach, Kamui, and a Nyaruko-slam poster. Lucina saw the harem, too. "Hey Garon, can I join?" she asked eagerly.

Garon looked at her, thinking, and then spoke. "Sure, why not? You are a Smasher, so I see nothing wrong with it." Chrom was flabbergasted. Why'd Lucina get to get with Garon? It wasn't fair! He ran off, holding back the tears. "What's up with that?" Peach asked. "Pay it no heed….he's a non-Smasher."


	59. Part 7, Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Chrom was back in Ylisstol, lost and confused on what to do. He sighed. "Garon's Royal Harem, eh?" MaRobin asked, approaching him from behind. "I understand how you feel."

"Huh? Robin? Where'd you come from? I mean, weren't you still behind Lucina in the Smash Mansion?"

"No Chrom shush stop questioning the narrative," Robin scolded. "Anyway, we gotta break it up somehow. My 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」 couldn't seem to stop them earlier, so we have to think of something else…" Then, FeRobin walked up, somehow not part of Garon's harem yet. In fact, she was somehow immune to Garon's ability to magnetically attract women, which is actually how he grew his harem. "Magnets. The mere concept of his harem has its own Stand, and its ability is magnets."

"H-how do you know?" Chrom asked. FeRobin pulled out a book and spoke.

"I…googled it." MaRobin gasped. FeRobin had improved since their last encounter if she'd already figured out how to use Google. But Chrom glared at FeRobin. "Did you use Google Chrome, or Google Chrom?"

The color drained from FeRobin's face. She had, in fact, only used Chrome, and not Chrom's patented Bowser browser. She gasped in fear of what was to come. "You only used Chrome, didn't you?" Chrom pointed a finger. "Begone, thot!" Of course, Robin was not actually a thot, so Tharja, who was stalking a Robin like usual, fled instead. "Good. Now that that thot is gone, we can discuss this further."

Then, MaRobin turned to Chrom, hesitantly. "Chrom. Are we….are we the main characters of this part?"

"Naga's sake Robin stop breaking the fourth wall, that's Lucina's job."


	60. Part 7, Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Lucina sat at the kitchen counter with Zelda, waiting for Garon to finish his harem lessons with Akira in the other room. A few minutes later, the door slammed open and shut, as Akira stormed out, pissed at how Garon couldn't grasp the latest lesson. He was ready to just punch someone. Lucina approached him and spoke, "look. You gotta stop taking our time with Garon away. So, please stop, or else I'll fight you for it."

"You know what, Lucina? Do it. Fight me. You can't beat me and my 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」."

Then, Lucina snapped, furious at his cockiness. "You know what, Joker? Frick you. Frick your Stand. You've already got a Persona, what do you even need a Stand for anyway? They're practically the same thing! Like Jesus fricking Christ, why? You don't need them both! Just...AAAAAAAAGH!" Then, a voice boomed out.

"You wish for Joker to lose his Stand?" it asked. Lucina nodded. The figure shouted " 「 A」!" and Rohan emerged, pulling out a pen. "I will not use my 「 E」. There, Lucina. Akira Kurusu effectively no longer has a Stand." With that, Rohan sunk back into the shadows.

Zelda just sat there, mouth agape, shocked by this turn of events. She knew Rohan was in charge now, but did he really have that much power? Once she'd somewhat regained her composure, she shouted out, "what the frick just happened?"


	61. Part 7, Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Back in Ylisstol, Chrom and the Robins had already given up on coming up with a plan. Instead, they had gone to Chrom's room to play some Super Smash Bros. Brawl on Chrom's fancy Nintendo Wii, but not Sm4sh since Chrom still wasn't in that and he'd get salty and also he didn't have a Wii U. But his salt was still leaking in-he'd placed a house rule that Marth and Ike were banned. As such, FeRobin was forced to play as Mario (who, if you haven't noticed, still has yet to appear in this entire story), instead of her main. She couldn't use just the tip(ping of the scales). Because of this, Chrom and MaRobin were dominating. FeRobin sighed. "Cmon guys, can we play something else? How about Mario Pa-"

"Don't you dare," Chrom interrupted her. "Mario Party is shit."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" responded FeRobin.

"Stop the fighting! I have something very important to tell you!" a sexy voice boomed out. Chrom and the Robins stopped and searched for the source of the voice. Then, a figure appeared in the doorway, radiating perfection. Everyone's heads turned toward it. It was Garfield! "My children, you must stop. I need your help."

"But how could mere mortals like us assist the great and divine Garfield?" asked MaRobin.

"It's terrible...Diet Coke is making a comeback. And even I cannot defeat it alone. I need your help. You're this part's main characters...you have plot protection. By the way, where's the lasagna?"

"Ummm….there should be some in the fridge." Chrom gestured to the corner of the room. Garfield glided over to the fridge, and pulled out the lasagna. "Chow time!"

Between bites, Garfield continued to speak. "Anyway, I *chomp* still don't know who *chomp* has the *chomp* 「 E」Stand."

"...Diet Coke?" asked Chrom hesitantly.

"Yes. It's the *chomp* only Stand to rival *chomp* my 「D R. P 」 *chomp* 「D R. R」 ."

Before Garfield could continue, Dark Roy and Dark Link burst in, already surrounded by a blue outline. The Robins hadn't realized they'd been surrounded by the red team outline, but after seeing the state of their opponents, they knew. Chrom gasped. "Wait, is this another actual Smash fight over a Stand battle? Nani!?"

Dark Roy rushed up and grabbed MaRobin, pummeling the tactician and throwing him to the ground, following it up with an up-B, as Dark Link threw a bomb. But as soon as Dark Roy landed, he was hit by a blast of FeRobin's Thoron, who was then knocked down by another one of Dark Link's bombs. Then, as she stood back up, Dark Link spoke (unlike normal Link). "Daisan no bakudan!" With that, he threw a third bomb. "Bite Za Dusto!" Somewhat unfortunately for him, he didn't actually have 「 N」so he couldn't use Bite Za Dusto. However, it was still a bomb, so FeRobin still took some damage. "Scream," ouched FeRobin, as she fell to the floor again. Shockingly to Garfield, our heroes were losing.

As Dark Roy began charging his Flare Blade, the Robins lay helpless. Just as Dark Roy began bringing his blade down, he was hit by an arrow. It was the real Link, and following him was the real Roy! They, too, had red team outlines. The real Roy rushed up and charged a side smash, instantly KO'ing his dark self. But Link didn't want a regular Smash fight anymore. He summoned 「 R」, and had his Stand punch Dark Link, instantly KO'ing him as well. The team outlines vanished, as the battle had been won. "Good job, guys," Garfield complimented. "But anyway, we need to find out who has 「 E」."


	62. Part 7, Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Shulk was crouched in the dark corner, watching Rohan. "What's Rohan gonna do next?" he thought to himself. He watched as Rohan lifted his pen and spoke. "I will make the official anthem of this fanfiction 'Chase' by batta." Shulk gasped, but he quickly covered his mouth. Chase!? But that was the worst JoJo opening, everyone knew the best was Bloody Stream! How could Rohan do such a thing?

"I heard that. Who's there?" Rohan spoke, startling Shulk. The Monado Boy knew a battle was incoming. As he continued hiding from Rohan, he saw movement in the other corner. The cardboard box that had been laying there this whole time got tossed aside-it was Shulk's husband, Snake! "It's show time," Snake muttered. Rohan turned toward Snake, and glared. "So you were the one. Nobody shall interfere with my writing! 「 A」!" But Snake was ready. He rolled to the side and tossed a hand grenade. It blew up in Rohan's face, but by fighting game logic he suffered no injuries beyond a health drain.

While Snake and Rohan fought, Shulk saw his opportunity. He ran up behind Rohan and BACK SLASH'd him, the impact knocking the mangaka onto the floor. Shulk and Snake stood over him, ready to save this fanfiction. But before they could restore ownership to The Author, a distorted, high-pitched voice spoke out. " 「 E」!" Shulk and Snake froze up upon hearing this. D-Diet Coke? The Stand user was here!?

Shulk was the first to come back to his senses. He lunged at Snake, pushing his lover to the ground just in time to avoid a blast of the vile, most evil soda known to man. The two crawled underneath Snake's cardboard box, waiting hopelessly for the next blast of soda. But it never came. 「 E」's user must have realized the danger of revealing themselves too early, and left. They were safe...for now. But little did they know that this enemy could eventually tear them apart if they so desired, even more so than Garfield tore Chrom and Garon apart after they questioned why Garfield hates Mondays.


	63. Part 7, Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"So, o great and powerful Garfield, do you have any leads?" MaRobin asked.

"Unfortunately, all I know is that it isn't The Author or The Editor. However, I know The Editor has pledged allegiance to Diet Coke." Chrom gasped. Could that be why Part 6 ended how it did? Garfield opened his mouth again, but paused. He looked at the wall. "Hey, has that box always been there?"

"No, I don't think it has…" Chrom answered. "Should we investigate?"

"Yes, my child."

The Robins both cast Arcfire on the box, setting it on fire. A high-pitched voice exclaimed, "Wryyyyyy!" and Smol DIO popped out of the box. He was smoller than Garfield expected their next enemy would be. Smol DIO summoned 「 D」, ready to fight. Za Smol Warudo reached out for the nearby fish MaRobin had prepared for Garfield during Chapter 5 in order to slap someone with it. But Garfield laughed. "Fool! 「D R. R」has already touched that tilapia!" Before Za Smol Warudo could slap someone, the fish blew up. "This is just one of the powers of my 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」!"

But Smol DIO wasn't ready to give in. He pulled a toy steamroller out of his pocket and threw it at Garfield. "Roda Rora da!" Garfield simply sidestepped, and the toy steamroller hit the wall, leaving a mark. "Hey, that was my wall!" Chrom whined.

"Give up, DIO. You can't beat me and my Dr. Pepper." Just to be safe and ensure Smol DIO's surrender, Garfield summoned a can of Dr. Pepper and shook it up. Then, he threw it at DIO, as it opened and the soda exploded on the smol vampire, covering him in sticky perfection.

Just as DIO was about to surrender, Lucina burst through the window, but also she was now short, fat, and pink. She pulled out a bottle of holy water and a gun, and poured the holy water over the bullets. She took aim and fired at Smol DIO, killing him instantly. Then, Lucina reverted to her normal self, as a pink blur zoomed back out the same window. Within seconds, Officer Mario (who's still a different character than normal Mario) had showed up and arrested Lucina. She was being charged with murder! How could she get out of this predicament?


	64. Part 7, Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Within a matter of minutes, Lucina already had a lawyer, and the trial was already beginning. It was a court in Los Angeles, which definitely isn't Japan, of all places! "How did we even get here so fast?" pondered Chrom, who was a witness.

"Is the prosecution ready?" asked The Judge.

"The prosecution is always ready, Your Honor," responded Miles Edgeworth.

"Is the defense ready?"

"The defense is ready, Your Honor!" answered Phoenix Wright.

"Let the trial of Lucina d'Ylisse begin."

First, Edgeworth called up his detective, Dick Gumshoe to debrief the court of the crime. Immediately, Phoenix objected, citing the autopsy report. But little did he know that just before the trial, Edgeworth received crucial information. To counter Phoenix's objection, Edgeworth had updated the autopsy report. What would Lucina's lawyer do now?

Gumshoe finished debriefing the court, and left the stand. It was time for the first witness. "Rohan Kishibe, please take the stand." Chrom's eyes sharpened. Stand? 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」!?

"Tell the court what you saw."

"Well, it all happened so fast. First, Garfield fought Smol DIO, which was understandable as Smol DIO had been trespassing. Smol DIO was soon ready to surrender, but next thing I knew, Lucina had burst in and shot him! I remember how she wiped his blood off her pale skin, grinning maliciously…"

Maya turned to Phoenix. "Nick, his testimony seems pretty good. Time to bluff your way through this!"

Phoenix began pressing every statement, but he just couldn't find any contradictions. Was he really going to lose this case already? As he held his head in his hands, a voice rang out. "OBJECTION!", since that's the only way to interrupt things in Ace Attorney and not something normal like "hey guys hold on a second."

Gumshoe burst through the doors. "Mr. Edgeworth, we've recovered some new evidence from the crime scene. It's this weird book." FeRobin gasped in the crowd. That was her camera tome she bought from Anna! It must have recorded the whole thing!

Phoenix examined the tome. Unable to find anything on the cover, he opened it. But then, he saw what the camera tome had recorded. And then he knew. "OBJECTION! Your honor, take a look at this!"

The judge watched the video. "I'm sorry, Mr. Wright, but I don't see any problem. Could you please point it out to the court?"

"With pleasure. Look at Lucina here as she holds the gun. Or should I say, 'Lucina'? As you can see, that skin is clearly bubblegum pink, not pale flesh!" The courtroom burst into chatter.

"B-but this means nothing! What matter is the color!?" Rohan stammered. "I must've just been mistaken because of the lighting."

"But that's where you're wrong. Look at this lighting. Everything is illuminated-there's no way you could have been mistaken!" Rohan began to sweat. Phoenix continued. "This skin color difference is too significant. The only conclusion can be...the person who shot Smol DIO isn't Lucina!"

Edgeworth recoiled. Was he losing this case? Impossible! The judge glared, and slammed his gavel. "Order! Order! This new information turns this whole case over. The court will have a fifteen minute recess for the prosecution and defense to adapt their case. Court dismissed!"


	65. Part 7, Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

7, 2 0 1 7, # 4

1 0 : 0 0 a . m .

The judge slammed his gavel. "Court is now back in session. Mr. Rohan, please provide new testimony."

Rohan muttered under his breath, "omae wa mou shindeiru, old man. Anyway-" Before Rohan could give new testimony, however, a courtroom wall broke down, as a green figure was sent flying through, hitting the other wall. When the debris settled, everyone could see who the figure was-it was Dat Boi! "O shit waddup!" he exclaimed to the courtroom, and summoned a new unicycle. But before he could act again, another froggy figure appeared in the hole in the wall. "It is Wednesday, my dudes" bellowed the Wednesday Frog, and he pulled out his Stand, 「 Y」.

"Of course. Of course it's another Stand battle, Chrom muttered, shaking his head. Dat Boi pulled out his own Stand, 「 . 5」 , and activated it. Four copies of Dat Boi appeared! How could the Wednesday Frog win against five of Dem Bois? 「 Y」was useless in this scenario! "Or was it?" thought the Wednesday Frog. He bellowed out, "It is November 3rd, my dudes," but even though it suddenly changed to that date, it was pointless. Dem Bois were still on the offensive.

Before Dat Boi and his clones could strike, Lucina jumped out of the defendant's seat and summoned 「 2」. "With this, I shall undo the cloning!" However, the whims of fate had decided on something else. Lucina would have to roll the dice, see where they may fall, and then spin the wheel, see whom it may call. She rolled a d10, and got 8. She passed the spin check, and spun the wheel. It landed on none other than Sailor Moon. This fight was not going in our protagonists' favor.

Sailor Moon jumped out of the gallery and pointed at Lucina. "In the name of the moon, I shall punish you! PK Moon Tiara Boomerang!" She threw her tiara, but it never actually hit Lucina, as Garfield had now entered the battlefield too. He performed a swift, crisp dab, causing Sailor Moon's tiara to instantly lose all momentum and crash to the ground. Fearing the great Garfield's presence, Sailor Moon grabbed her tiara and ran. The judge slammed his gavel. "Bailiff! After that runaway witness!"


	66. Part 7, Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Elsewhere, Shulk sheathed the Monado, having just won a match against Meta Knight in that one jungle on Bionis. "Yeah! I'm the best!"

But then, a nearby assist trophy glowed. "Wait, what? I thought the fight was over!"

The trophy exploded, and a small Nopon was there. "Heropon Riki bestest!" it shouted at him.

"Yeah, I agree! Riki's pretty cool!"

"Heropon Riki isn't just cool! He's bestest! Take back what you said!"

"Wait, why? I thought we were in agreement!"

But Shulk's attempts to calm the Nopon down were futile. The Nopon lunged at Shulk, clutching a knife in one of its ear-arm-wing-things. He slashed at Shulk, who would've been seriously injured had a vision not warned him of the attack. But what his vision didn't warn him about was this Nopon's 「 P」. The Stand activated, and the Nopon made a sharp turn in midair, and somersaulted into Shulk, knocking him to the ground. "Now say it with me: Heropon Riki bestest!" the Nopon growled.

Shulk complied. "Yes, Heropon Riki bestest!" The Nopon's facial expression turned from one of anger to one of joy, as someone else had finally said Heropon Riki was bestest!

Shulk stood up, but was immediately knocked over again by a blow to his back. The Nopon glared maliciously, as his ally had finally arrived! "Take that, you little shit! That's for part 2! In the name of the moon, PK I Shall Punish You!" Sailor Moon's tiara boomerang came back to her.

The Nopon stood over Shulk again. "Did you think I'd actually believe you? Dumb blondes can't reach enlightenment so easily!" Shulk was now up against two foes! And he didn't have another vision to warn him!

"I know what you're thinking, Shulk. 'Two foes? But I didn't have a vision to warn me,' yes? Fool! I've activated a Space CQC Vision Jammer Canceller Breaker Eraser Confiner Obstructor Buster Closer! You can't use visions!" Nyaruko-slam shouted as she emerged from the assist trophy, two basketballs from the void in her hands. "Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!" Three? How could Shulk win a 3-on-1!?

Nyaruko-slam dribbled her basketballs, and threw one at Shulk, but before it could hit him, it deflated as it had been popped by a bullet! "Stop right there!" shouted a female voice.

"Oh shit, it's the bailiff!" Sailor Moon shouted, but it was too late. Conveniently, the court hall was within that forest for some reason. The bailiff jumped out of the trees and landed on the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust. The bailiff's silhouette rushed forward, and Shulk could hear bullets fire. "What on Bionis is going on here?" Then, the bailiff turned her head to Shulk and spoke.

"Let us

Commence

With an

All

Out

Attack!"

Now, Shulk could see just who the bailiff was-it was Aigis! Shulk nodded, and rushed forward. The two unleashed a barrage of attacks on the Nopon, Sailor Moon, and Nyaruko-slam. The screen of reality took on a light-blue tone, and Shulk jumped down from the sky, swinging the Monado over his shoulder. Text reading "This is a good result!" appeared behind him.

Just behind that, Rohan peeked out from behind another tree, having observed the entire battle. "Nani!?"

Chrom and the others burst out after everyone. "Ah, Sailor Moon. So this is where you ran to."

Sailor Moon slowly stood back up, obviously wounded from the All-Out Attack. "Yeah, what of it?"

"You didn't run very far."

Lucina sighed. "Sailor Moon. You've been enough of an antagonist to me this whole story, and I'm honestly getting sick of it. In the name of the future, I shall punish you!" Lucina struck Sailor Moon's pose, clearly mocking her.

"Wow. Freak you, dweeb. Really? Really?"

"Y-yeah…"

Nyaruko-slam slowly raised her head, looking behind our crowd of protagonists. Her eyes widened. She feebly shouted, "Wednesday Frog, look out!" But it was too late. Dem Bois burst out of the trees, and unleashed a bombardment of attacks on Wednesday Frog. In slow motion, everyone else shouted out "Noooooooooooo…." But Dem Bois' combined attacks were too powerful. Wednesday Frog lay there, bloody and beaten. He quietly croaked out, "It is not Wednesday, my dudes…" and the last bits of life drained from his eyes. Everyone burst into tears, except for the diabolical Bois. How heartless!

Their anger turned to rage. Moral alignments were irrelevant. Sides dropped. Friend and foe were no more, for they were now the same group, and they glared at Dem Bois. Before Dem Bois could react, Aigis fired at them, striking one and knocking it down. Seizing the opportunity, FeRobin whipped out her signature Bolagnanone and cast it at the fallen Boi, turning him to ash. Sailor Moon used PK Moon Tiara Boomerang, and threw it at the other Bois, stunning them. MaRobin pulled out a Smash Ball, and shouted at Chrom to come assist him. The two unleashed Robin's final smash upon the Bois, killing all but one. But the remaining Boi cackled. "O shit! You couldn't kill us all, and now my 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」 will summon more Bois!" FeRobin gasped at their futility, and 4 more Bois appeared. Were Dem Bois unstoppable?

The fact is, Garfield could've easily crushed Dem Bois. But, he was busy eating the entire lasagna buffet that was in the courthouse and then was going to take a nap.

Anyway, avenging Wednesday Frog was crucial. Nyaruko-slam threw a void basketball at a Boi, tearing it apart. (Perhaps it was merelt sent to the Shadow Realm.) Lucina pulled out a gun, and took aim at another Boi. But suddenly, her gun jammed. She couldn't shoot, which gave Dat Boi an opportunity. He threw his unicycle at her, hitting her right in the stomach, winding her. She gasped for air, and Dat Boi lunged at her. But MaRobin Dual Guarded, saving Lucina from certain death. "Scream" ouched MaRobin, the blow delivered to his arm. How could he use his Levin Sword now? How futile was this fight? Lucina sneezed out of fear (it's a real problem, okay?), causing her to inadvertently draw a gun and shoot Nyaruko-slam multiple times.

"FIIIIIVVVVVVVVEEEEE" yelled what everyone assumed was a poster.

But the tides were about to turn. The Nopon child began to shake, and yet another figure jumped out from the trees. Just how many people were hiding here? The new figure was here to help, for it was none other than Heropon Riki himself! He was second in power only to Garfield. The Nopon child jumped up and down in excitement! "Heropon Riki bestest!"

Riki turned toward Dem Bois, and opened his mouth, spitting out fire. "Burninate! Nyapakapow!" Dem Bois were all burned, but Riki wasn't done giving them the ultimate smackdown yet. "F-F-F-Freezinate!" Dem Bois were now severely weakened by both of Heropon Riki's attacks. It was time for the finishing blow. " 「 E」!" The second Soda of the Gods Stand was revealed, and launched a blast of the carbonated, citrusy goodness, obliterating four of Dem Bois and leaving the fifth on the ground, dying.

With his last breath, Dat Boi spoke. "O shit, much like the South, Diet Coke will rise again…" Chrom was shocked. Diet Coke would rise again? It seemed like Garfield was right.


	67. Part 7, Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Our new cast walked back into the courthouse and approached Garfield, and all took a knee in honor. Chrom spoke first. "O Garfield, I believe Dat Boi was working for Diet Coke. It looks like what you said was true."

" I know, Chrom. And I know the dangers Diet Coke poses to us all. And that's why I called a certain someone to come here. He should be here any minute now."

With almost impeccable timing, everyone could hear a plane land outside the courthouse, and the courtroom's doors soon slammed open. A mist poured out, carrying the scent of Dr. Pepper. Then, a figure stepped out of the mist. It was Dr. Pepper himself, Barack Obama! "My fellow Dr. Pepperians. I, uh, I assume you know about Diet Coke. Perhaps you know it is, uh, it is preparing for revenge. It is imperative that, uh…" Shulk stopped listening to Obama's speech, as he suddenly had a vision. In it, Obama was giving a speech-it was the one he's giving right now! Before Obama could finish, he was struck by...Diet Coke! He crumpled to the ground, and quickly dissolved. Shulk's vision ended there, and not a moment too soon-he heard Obama start saying the lines from the beginning of the vision! Without thinking, Shulk sprang forward, and tackled Obama, pushing them both just out of range of the blast that immediately landed where Obama stood just a moment before. Samus and Squirtle jumped down out of the audience. Squirtle began to charge up Water Gun, and unleashed it at Obama. Fortunately, Obama jumped to the side-Squirtle wasn't using water. It was using Diet Coke! So this was who planned to kill Dr. Pepper.

MaRobin sprang up. "Everyone, protect Obama! We must defend him at all costs!"

Garfield nodded to Obama, and he understood. Obama struck a pose, and shouted out, "「 R」 !" Thanks to Obama's Stand, Diet Coke wouldn't harm anyone as much. Unfortunately for our band of protagonists, their attacks now did less damage too.

FeRobin smirked. "Honestly, it was kind of foolish for you to attack us with our numbers. I mean, how could you two win against all eleven of us? Besides, we have Garfield on our side." But then, the god spoke.

"Uh, actually, Robin, Rohan has written that I'm not allowed to fight anymore until part 8. And Obama can't attack while his Stand is active. Sorry."

Samus began charging up her Diet Coke blaster. But before she could fire, she was struck by an arrow. "Take that!" shouted Takumi, who was closely followed by Garon and Zelda. FeRobin chuckled cockily.

"See? Our numbers are too high. You can't win." But then, more figures jumped out from the peanut gallery, and Sailor Moon's eyes PK Widened. It was the rest of the Sailor Scouts! Suddenly, the numbers were far more equal. "O-oh…" stammered FeRobin and MaRobin simultaneously.

Zelda cast Din's Fire at Samus, but then Samus activated her 「 N」. She merely absorbed the fiery spell, and strengthened herself. She charged her blaster again, and fired at Zelda-a fiery blast, and Zelda was still in stunlock, so she couldn't avoid the attack. The impact sent her flying backwards...and out of 「 R」's range. Seizing the opportunity, Sailor Neptune ran out of range and used her overpowered Electroshock Arm, sending Zelda into the ceiling. The Hyrulian princess fell to the floor, knocked out.

Sailor Mercury, Sailor Venus, and Sailor Jupiter surrounded Riki. The Heropon had no choice but to use Freezinate, giving him a chance to break out. The Nopon child launched itself into a midair somersault, and rammed into Sailor Mercury. "Nobody tries to hurt Heropon Riki!" Sailor Mercury, still somewhat shaken from the blow, tried to use Hadouken. However, the Nopons were too small, and it went right over them. And now, Riki is Angry! Riki unleashed Tantrum, and Sailor Mercury got nyapakapow'd pretty bad.

 **Chapter 10.5**

Editor's note: I'm back and I hope that the story didn't get messed up

Editor's note: Fuck

Elsewhere, back in the Smash Mansion's basement, back in the same dusty, dark room, the editor sits down, finally back from a long coffee break after he retired from attempting to fix the story. The smartly-dressed businessman we described 22 chapters ago might have noticed a lack of editing for 22 chapters. This businessman would have been told that this was due to 'delays in the penultimate agile development start-up product used for essential business ventures' or something containing similar buzzwords. In reality, the coffee break took 22 chapters. Yes, that's what happened. This businessman maybe have seen, once again, a look of utter confusion on the editor's face. Someone had tampered with his work during his coffee break! The editor was at first overjoyed, since that means he doesn't have to note his break, and he wouldn't be fired. But at what cost? The editor had literally zero idea of what happened over the course of his break. Who was this Rohan guy who snuck in and conveniently wrote down what exactly had happened? Who would possibly be crazy enough to write a story at this level of magnificent squalor? If this rotted manuscript of a story could be believed, Rohan was actually in the story itself- but that would mean…

Oh yes, Sailor Moon PK died somehow in a way that made PK sense and was PK plot convenient.


	68. Part 7, Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Lucina stood there, utterly shocked. Sure, Sailor Moon had been one of her sworn enemies, but still! "How? How could you just kill Sailor Moon like that, you monsters?" And truly, her killer was a monster. For who could stop Queen Beryl now? (Besides Garfield, but that should be a given.) Sailor Saturn stood there, Sailor Moon's blood still dripping from her Sailor hula hoop. She smirked maliciously, and Sailor Summoned a soccer ball from who knows where. She hit the ball up and spiked it with her head, sending it crashing toward Lucina, who dodged just in time. Sailor Mars stepped up, and threw a fireball at our Ylissean princess, but Takumi Dual Guarded, as MaRobin threw a tome that was out of uses, hitting Sailor Mars right in the nose.

"Come on, Lucina! We have to fight!"

"Robin, I don't… I don't know if I can anymore…"

"You have to! You don't have a choice!"

Before their conversation could continue, Sailor Mars began throwing fireballs at Samus, who was using her Stand to absorb them. Within seconds, Samus fired a fully charged blast, hitting Aigis right in her roboboobs. Fortunately, Aigis' equipped Persona had Resist Fire, so she lived. Aigis prepared to switch Personas, but then Squirtle hit her with a Water Gun. As Aigis was a robot-human-who-knows-anymore, she began to shut down.

Lucina looked around her. This fight was meaningless-they couldn't win. Not without Garfield. And that's when the idea hit her. While everyone else was trading blows, she slowly crawled over to Sailor Moon's body, and reached into Sailor Moon's backpack. She then extended her arm upwards, and spoke those five binding words: "Moon Prism Power, Make Up!"


	69. Part 8, Chapter 1

**Part 8: The Christmas Special**

 **Chapter 1**

Everyone stopped, and looked at Lucina. The Ylissean princess was bathed in light, and her clothes rapidly changed. Her new outfit consisted of her normal clothes but covered in crosses, since in the end, Jesus saves all. When the light faded, Lucina was standing on her feet, filled with determination. But she wasn't going to throw her Moon Tiara Boomerang-no, she had a better plan. "Garfield! Did you see? _It's part 8 now! You can fight again!_ "

All of our protagonists' enemies were filled with instant terror. None of them could defeat Garfield, not even together! They fled immediately.

"Good thinking, Lucina. Setting up a suspenseful scenario so the part could end, and the next would begin. In fact, I think you may have even earned some of my lasagna" said Garmfielf.

"Thank you, Garfield! There is no higher honor! It's too bad about the old Sai-wait. Where's the body?"

Garon cleared his throat. "Well, you became Sailor Moon, didn't you? And there's only one Sailor Moon. So shouldn't the old one cease to exist?"

"I don't think that's how it works, but okay…"

Riki waddled up next. "Oh, Riki so happy bad guys gone! They even scarier than Dinobeast-but Dinobeast was no match for Heropon either!"

"Heropon Riki bestest!" shouted the Nopon child. Everyone else repeated the chant, even Garfield Himself. But it was time the Nopon child revealed his secret, too. "The bestest Riki isn't just Heropon. Heropon Riki...is also Daddypon Riki!"

Both Robins stepped back in shock. "Huh!?"

"But I was supposed to play matchmaker!" MaRobin said dejectedly. "I never paired Riki up with anyone, so where'd his child come from?"

"Yeah, don't you have to get married to have time-traveling kids? Come on!" shouted FeRobin.

"Riki have wifeypon!" snapped back the Heropon himself.

"Huh!?"/"Nani!?"/"Meh-meh-meh?"

Before this could somehow figure out a way to escalate into a fight, Garfield cleared his throat. "Guys, we have to hurry. I just received a report that Diet Coke is receiving help from Ajit Pai, and he's going to remove net neutrality. We have to-" Before Garfield could finish, Buzzwole flew in through the hole that once was a courtroom wall. "Really? Is this another Stand battle? Now? Sorry, guys, but I'd rather eat some lasagna than do this shit."

 _Editor's note: Attempting to read the next paragraph hurt me, so I replaced it with one from a different fanfiction with a different genre. If you are the author, please don't sue us, it's necessary._

The incessant dripping noise started to grate on Sophie's ears. "Darn it", she muttered aloud to no one in particular, "I spend five years training to become a criminal investigator..." Her voice died off- she'd complained enough to surpass the word count of Hamlet, and it hadn't helped her in the slightest. Besides, this was her first assignment, and she couldn't miss out on the chance to arrest murders. The maintenance tunnel's solitary light flashed on a couple of times, then sputtered out completely with a muted snap. Sophie sighed, and clicked her flashlight on. Taking great care to avoid the puddles, she tiptoed past several dusty server racks. How can these people afford the loyalty of the best soldiers in the world, but not a plumber? It's not that she hated water- she could create water from the tips of her fingers. She just wanted to search for any reason to insult her targets, on the off chance that they could read her thoughts (which isn't out of the question). She stepped over the last puddle and looked around.

 _Editor's note: The preceding paragraph made more sense in this context than the old one did._

"Y tho," questioned Lucina, but she wouldn't get an answer.

Before the battle could take another turn for the worse, Aigis issued a battle tactic, and our band of protagonists suddenly split into two groups, each taking on one of these surprise attackers: Chrom, Lucina, Shulk, the Robins, and Garon against Pheromosa, and Aigis, Riki, Riki's fan, Zelda, a Nyaruko-slam poster, and Takumi against Buzzwole. Before Buzzwole's Stand could something something Chaseu someone else, Aigis initiated an All-Out-Attack, KO'ing the mosquito on steroids. "Alright, we are done now."

Garon shouted at her, "wait, can't you help us now?"

"No, we're rather tired."

"Darn…"

「 D」was about to deliver another kick, but through some quick thinking, Garon threw a fishstick and Pheromosa was subdued, as no evil can resist the power of fishsticks, except Diet Coke (the utter abomination). "Good job, Garon," Chrom complimented, but Garon merely scoffed as Chrom still wasn't a Smasher. Why would he want to speak to a non-Smasher?

 _AN: honestly, if you're a non-Smasher yourself, how were you even allowed to read this far? Begone, non-Smashers_

 _Editor's note: This is my thing, please stop._


	70. Part 8, Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Akira ducked back behind the pillar, trying to comprehend the fights he just saw. What? _What_? Why did frickin _Pokemon_ get Stands, but not him? It wasn't fair. He had to find Rohan and fix this injustice.

But before he could look for that beautiful man, Riki somehow spotted him from the other end of the room, even though Akira was completely behind the pillar so it would be physically impossible for Riki to see him. "Heropon Riki see stranger! Stranger danger!"

Aigis, suddenly scared of strangers, fled through the hole in the wall, abandoning our group of protagonists, and possibly this story as a whole. Meanwhile, the rest of them walked over to where Riki gestured, and found Akira. Garon gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't take your entire harem with you, Garon. You aren't supposed to make your favoritism obvious."

"Pssh, whatever. I bet you've got a favorite, too."

"Well duh, but I don't let the rest of them know that I'm doing naughty things with my teacher, like getting extra tutoring at my house for free."

"Oh. I see."

Takumi rudely interrupted them. "Uh, can we please get some actual plot progress here?"

Chrom tapped Takumi on the shoulder and coldly stated, "boy, we just had a heck of a lot of plot. We need a solid entire part's worth of filler, maybe even two."

The Robins gasped. "No pls, anything but two parts of filler. This isn't Naruto."

"Fine, maybe just a chapter or three."

"Deal."

"...But this chapter doesn't count."

"...Oh. By the way, did you know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, and that for a formula to be a function, each input must have one and only one output?"

"Why, yes, Robins, I did know that! After all, I studied the American public education system."

"But Father, I didn't know that. In my world, we didn't have the American public education system, as once Grima became president he abolished all schools except for Sunday School. But, to be fair, that's pretty important. We all need Jesus in our lives."

"No, Lucina. You're wrong, and I say that because I'm a dirty heathen who hasn't reached enlightenment."

"I'm sorry to hear that. But you should accept Jesus into your heart."

Before their bickering could continue, Garfield slapped everyone present (even Obama, whose Stand had been active this entire time. Makes you question how Buzzwole was defeated by a single attack, doesn't it?) and got their attention. "Children! There's no time for this pointless fighting! We have to stop Diet Coke once and for all!"

The Nyaruko-slam poster angrily responded, "come on and slam, if you want to jam!" As its interpreter, Shulk explained to Garfield that what it wanted to say was "come on and slam, if you want to jam!"

"Hmm. That's a fair point, Nyaruko-slam. Perhaps you do deserve a break. Filler it is!" he clapped his hands twice, and the contract was sealed. There would be filler chapters.


	71. Part 8, Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

MaRobin and FeRobin exited the courtroom, ready to start their filler break. They exited out the front door and wandered into Smashville, even though that courthouse was in a jungle on a giant robot and was nowhere near Smashville. They passed a few shops and also Face Nemesis, until they arrived at The Roost. They entered, and saw a Villager working as a barista. "I'll take a house blend," MaRobin ordered.

"I think I'll have...a pumpkin spice latte," FeRobin ordered, "as I am a female and also caucasian."

The Villager, being unable to speak, simply poured their coffees, and MaRobin took a sip. "Yowch! That's hot!" But before he could drink the rest after it cooled, someone burst in, grabbed his cup, and threw it at him, covering him in the hot, caffeinated beverage.

"Take that, you backstabbing frick!" Kamui shouted.

"Wait, what? Kamui? Oh no…" MaRobin mumbled.

FeRobin turned to him, visibly angry. "Care to explain?"

"Uh, uh…"

Kamui slapped him. " **You've been cheating on me this whole time? _With yourself_**?"

"Um, Kamui, we stopped dating like 4 parts ago…"

"I don't want to hear it! I'm challenging you to a Stand battle!"

MaRobin groaned. His Stand was pretty useless, now that The Editor had retconned it. Maybe he could pretend he didn't have one? "I don't have one," he whispered, his knees quivering in fear.

"Frick that, you liar."

"F-fine. Then I'll fight in my own way."

But it was too late. Kamui had already summoned her 「 E」 , and was waiting for MaRobin to summon his. But he didn't-instead, he pulled something out of his coat. "Go, Pikachu!"

FeRobin took a step back.

"Wait, since when did you catch Pikachu?"

"Doesn't matter. Pikachu, summon 「 K」!"

But Pikachu didn't summon its Stand. Instead, it merely grumbled, "pikur pikur."

"Naga darnit, did Chrom give it fishsticks again? Doesn't matter. Pikachu, use Skull Bash!"

Pikurchu charged up his side special, and launched himself at Kamui. "Ouch," she wheezed, as she coughed up a small amount of blood. "Buddy, you'll pay for that!"

"Pikur pikur," Pikachu simply muttered in response. He must've eaten more fishsticks than usual.

Then, FeRobin pushed MaRobin. "Step aside, coward. If you're not gonna face her in a Stand battle, then I will. 「 T」 !"

Kamui took a step back, bumping into the wall. "W-wait, what? No, I'm supposed to be fighting him!"

"Well, we're technically the same person. Therefore, you're technically still fighting him when you're fighting me. Now, 「TEOTH」!" FeRobin's Stand lunged at Kamui, ready to strike. But the hit never landed, as Kamui's 「 E」stopped the blow, and then, Kamui transformed. She swung her tail at FeRobin, who jumped back just in time, but ran into MaRobin, which sent him stumbling backwards...right into the Villager. The Villager's eyes lit up with pure, concentrated malice, and yet he remained smiling. But he did not fight back. No, he simply walked out of the café, not even removing his uniform.

"Uh...anyway... 「TEOTH」!"

Suddenly, Kamui felt a deep and sudden darkness in her heart, almost like it was a total eclipse. This must be the power of FeRobin's Stand!

"Frick, I don't think I can beat that. Please, withdraw your Stand, and I'll leave you alone."

"Deal."

With that, all three decided to leave as well. MaRobin pointed out, "uh, guys, isn't that Villager there? What's he doing just standing right outside the window?" But before they could ponder further, they were already at the door. They walked out, only to find themselves...back in The Roost.


	72. Part 8, Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Chrom was also wandering the streets of Smashville, unsure of where to go. He wanted to get Garon a gift, in hopes of wooing him back. But what? And where to buy it?

It wasn't long until Chrom saw Link. His mind began firing a chain of thoughts, and realized that since Link knew Zelda, and Zelda was part of Garon's harem, then surely Link must know what Garon would want! But before Chrom could ask, he saw two more Links approach behind the first-but one was a little kid, and the other seemed to have opted for a wardrobe change. Before anyone knew what was happening, the Breath of the Wild Link pulled out a bow and fired at the Sm4sh Link, delivering a single arrow to his head. But it was too late, and Link died instantly. "Good. It was obvious I'll be the Link in Sma5h anyway, so I might as well tie up loose ends."

"Yaaaaaagh!" responded Young Link, as he too is incapable of speech, much like his older self.

But then BotW Link spotted Chrom, and he glared. "Sorry, but I can't have any witnesses. It's nothing personal." With that, this Link activated his 「 N」. Chrom gulped. He just realized that this was his first actual fight in this entire story thus far. _(AN: no that fishstick vs chicken finger duel he had with Lucina in part 3 doesn't count)_

He had no actual experience-how could he win, especially against this Link?

But then it got worse. Young Link summoned 「 S」, and now the fight was 2-on-1. Chrom was doomed. (rip in rip). But he had to fight anyway, so he drew Falchion and swung at BotW Link. It was a direct hit, and Link crumpled to the ground, dead. Chrom was shocked he won so easily, and he turned to Young Link. But before he could strike again, BotW Link's Stand used its Stando Powas, and he was revived, unbeknownst to Chrom. Right before Chrom's blade began to swing, he was struck in the leg by an arrow, and toppled over. "No...not here...I can't die…"

The Links pointed their swords at Chrom, ready to skewer him. But just as they began to move their blades, a voice shouted out, "Back Slash!" and BotW Link was sent flying. Then, he pointed at Link, who was still in shock from the impact. " 「 G」!"

Link looked back at his foes, but he still felt shock, rather than anger. He wanted to shout at Young Link for not stopping Shulk, but the only words that escaped his mouth were "I'm really feeling it!"

Shulk turned toward Chrom. "Look, you've gotta fight too. I'll provide backup, but you're our main offense." Chrom hesitantly nodded, and faced the Links. He reached into his bottomless convoy, and pulled out a Kodachi. He threw it at Young Link, who dodged just enough to avoid being cut in half, but the projectile still grazed his sword arm, causing him to drop his blade. "Yaaaaaaah," he cried out in pain as he is a Link so he cannot speak and therefore convey the extent of how he feels _(AN: ignore the fact BotW Link can speak pls)_. An EXP bar appeared across the screen of reality, and Chrom leveled up to level 2, gaining +1 HP, +1 Skill, and +1 Res.

"Really? No Str boost?" Chrom complained, only for Rohan to suddenly appear.

"No, Chrom, remember, you're -Atk +Res," Rohan reminded him.

"Shoot. Right. Hey, wait! You!"

Rohan took a step back. How could he have been so foolish as to show himself to the enemy? Chrom and Shulk both pointed their swords at Rohan, only for BotW Link to step between them. However, he too pointed his sword at Rohan, and the three all struck at once, sending him flying. As he kept getting further and further away, he shouted, "Looks like Team Rohan's blasting off agaaaaiiiiiiiiiin!" Chrom got another levelup, gaining +1 HP, +1 Mag, +1 Spd, and +1 Def.

"Really? No Str twice in a row? Really?"

Shulk let Chrom know of his latest vision. "Unless the future changes, you should get your first Str gain at level 9."

"Chrom on…"

When Rohan landed, he immediately realized something. "Oh no, it's almost Christmas! Hmm...I will make this Part a Christmas Special!" And thus, it was henceforth a Christmas Special.


	73. Part 8, Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Garfield clapped His hands (paws?) twice, and everyone reconvened at the Smash Mansion. "So, how was your filler?" He asked.

"Pretty okayish, I guess," the Robins responded. "Thanks for doing that, because we hadn't even _started_ trying to defeat Villager's 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」!"

Chrom looked at them, and raised his hand in an "okay" symbol. "Haha yes," he spoke, without emotion.

Garfield cleared His throat. "Anyway, it's come to my attention that it's almost Christmas, but I'm worried that Diet Coke will still try and destroy that. So-"

Before Garfield could continue, Sailor Jupiter appeared out of nowhere. "Greetings. I bring news from Diet Coke. Even we can respect Christmas, so we have no plans on attacking until at least December 26th. You have our word."

Garfield shrugged His shoulders. "Huh. Okay, I gue-" But before he could continue this time, Innes and Shadow broke in!

"Ow the edge" Lucina whined, as she flashed back to their last encounter. Takumi slowly walked over to these new appearances, and lazily struck a pose.

"Yeah yeah Trinity of Edginess, blah blah blah. Can we be done with this?"

Innes slapped him. "No, dumbass. So what if Diet Coke will respect Christmas? No, we don't like Christmas, since we were on the naughty list last year. And let me tell you, we don't celebrate Christmas anymore-we celebrate Hanukkah!"

Chrom gasped. H-Hanukkah!? But that's not Christmas! How could they be so diabolical? Innes shot an arrow at him. "Hey, buddy, don't be antisemitic. It's [current year], be more open-minded. Jews exist too."

"But…are you even Jewish? Judaism doesn't exist in the Fire Emblemverse…"

"Sh-shut up!"

"Dang, that sure is edgy, all right. You really do deserve the title 'Trinity of Edginess.'"

"F-frick you! We're fighting!"

With that, Innes and Shadow took battle stances. Takumi sighed, and took a very reluctant stance as well. "Gods, I really don't wanna do this stuff anymore." But the fight had already begun-there was no backing out now, Takumi.

MaRobin pulled out a wrapped box, and threw it on the ground. Confetti exploded everywhere, and when it settled to the ground, MaRobin had donned his hidden FEH Christmas alt! He pulled out a Christmas tree lance, and thrusted at Shadow, who barely dodged, and then pulled out three Chaos Emeralds. "W-wait! Where's that _damn_ fourth Chaos Emerald?"

Takumi sighed. "C'mon, guys, I don't want to be doing this. I don't even like Soy Milk."

"Sh-shut up, Takumi. Sorry that we don't have Stands or something."

Little did they know, they actually did. It's just that since their first debut after Stands became relevant was during the Christmas arc, they couldn't use them since the Stands aren't Christmas songs.

The Trinity of Edginess kept bickering, giving our heroes the opportunity they needed. Garon, who had in this time subtly put on a Santa hat (actually, everyone did), threw his axe, hitting Takumi and Innes. Lucina transformed into Sailor Moon, and threw her Moon Tiara Boomerang at Shadow. The impact of both these attacks KO'd the Trinity, and the announcer shouted, "the winner is...Red Team!" and Chrom, the Robins, Garon, Shulk, and Lucina struck half-hearted victory poses, all of them secretly dead inside even though it's Christmas time. As they continued posing while the Blue Team sulked, the Blue Team snuck out, Takumi complaining the whole time. "Cmon, guys, why? My Stand isn't even edgy, it's the exact opposite. I shouldn't have to be stuck with you guys again. Please let me go back…."

But this victory was short-lived. Just as they stopped clapping and returned to the character select screen, another match already began. Standing before them were two feminine figures, surrounded by a Green Team outline. It was Nozomi and Pauline! But Lucina noticed another figure hiding behind those two-a Nyaruko-slam poster! Nani the frick?

Nozomi activated her 「 N」 , and Pauline activated her 「 R」. But, FeRobin scolded them. "Hey, those aren't Christmas songs! I guess Nozomi's is passable since it's got Snow in its name, but Pauline, yours is just a big no-no!"

Pauline didn't care. She walked up to FeRobin, and used her stand to do a Super Star jump up, into a Ground Pound Bitch Slap. "Ouch," FeRobin spoke. But this procedure was pretty time-consuming, so Pauline left herself open. MaRobin thrusted at her with his Christmas Tree lance, making direct contact. However, as it is a Christmas tree, she was not poked open, and was only winded. (Also, that's part of Smash Bros physics but don't mention that)

But the green team wasn't out yet. Nozomi halated the nearby snow, blinding MaRobin and his glorious Christmas outfit, as the Nyaruko-slam poster chanted a verse of those sacred words of encouragement: "Slam! Jam! Slam! Jam!" Fueled by this chant, Nozomi powered up to her Smol Nozomi form. Now, she could todekete setsunasa ni wa her foes. Namae wo tsuke yo ka "Snow Halation", bitch.

But Garfield couldn't keep wasting time fighting here. He and His friends had to celebrate Christmas, so the Red Team quit. The Announcer announced the match was a " **No Contest** " as everyone clapped saltily.


	74. Part 8, Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The group walked down to the main hall, where Master Hand had just finished setting up the Christmas tree. "Looks great," Pac-Man said as he saw it.

"Why, thank you. I put my hea-wait, what're you doing here?" Master Hand angrily questioned. "I thought I fired you!"

Before Pac-Man could justify his presence, Master Hand assumed a battle position, and fired his finger lasers. However, since it was Christmas time, the lasers were all either red or green instead of white. Pac-Man was escorted out of the building.

As he was unleashing his holiday wrath upon Pac-Man, Chrom shouted, "Woo! Lookin' cool, Master Hand!" Suddenly, everyone gasped. Lookin' cool was an action reserved for Phantom Thieves! Crazy Hand burst in.

"Master Hand. Are you...are you a...a...a Phantom Thief….?"

"C-Crazy Hand, no!"

" **Don't lie to me, buster!** "

In his rage, Crazy Hand grabbed the Christmas tree and started swinging. Master Hand pointed at Chrom. "You! You caused this problem, you're fixing it!" Chrom sighed, reluctantly pulled out a candy cane, and ate it. With that, he underwent a magical girl transformation into his Christmas form. He threw a present at Crazy Hand, KO'ing him instantly. Everyone applauded, and a Chrom trophy fell out of the sky.

"Whoa. Even though I'm not a Smasher?"

With that comment, everyone suddenly stopped, and the trophy immediately vanished to the Shadow Realm. "Oh…."

Then, Shulk stopped everyone. "Listen...do you hear that?" He creeped up to a door, and slowly opened it. Sound flooded out-it was Chase! "Rohan! You know that's not Christmas music!" Rohan gasped, shocked that he'd been discovered. Without saying a word, he pressed a button, and suddenly Chase switched to Chase (Christmas Mix). Shulk gave a sloppy thumbs up and said, "Marginally better."

But before any more holiday celebration could commence, the front door slammed open, and a Nihilego wearing a Santa hat floated in. "Hey, at least it's got Christmas Spirit," commented Garfield. "But did it bring any lasagna?"

Knowing how this would probably go by now, everyone assumed a battle stance. However, Nihilego didn't summon its 「ＳＴＡＮＤ」. Instead, it procured some lasagna, much to everyone's surprise. Akira peered out from behind a door, and pondered. Was this Nihilego's Last Surprise? Then, he silently cried, grieving for his own lost Stand. "Whoa, nice," commented Garfield, as he dug in.

However, tragedy had struck. In his rampage, Crazy Hand had broken all of the Christmas tree ornaments. How could they decorate it again in time? Palutena WARP'd into the room, and saw the now-naked tree. "Oh no! How can we celebrate Christmas without a decorated tree?"

Garon blurted out, "Well, does it REALLY matter if the tree is decorated or not?" but Lucina glared at him.

"You bigot! Don't you know we decorate the tree and celebrate Christmas to honor Jesus Christ, our lord and savior? Of course it matters if the tree is decorated."

"Now, Lucina, don't fret. I have a solution," Palutena said. " 「 S」!" With the power of her Stand, the tree had become redecorated. But, in fact, not just the tree, but the entire room was decorated with Christmas Spirit! Lucina cheered, and then managed to get drunk off of a single glass of eggnog. Chrom and the Robins shook their heads.

Now, it was time for presents. FeRobin handed MaRobin a Levin Sword. "Since you can only use your tomes so many times, I thought you should carry a Levin Sword."

"Whoa, hey, I got you a Levin Sword too!"

Lucina gave Akira a box. Inside, was just a slip of paper that said "Ren Ayanami."

"Lucina, what's this?"

"I got you a canon name!"

Suddenly, everyone stopped and turned toward them. Chrom stepped forward. "Lucina, you can't just force someone to change their name."

Akira exploded. "Frick. That. That's a shitty name and I refuse to be called anything but Akira or Joker. Frick. You."

"Uh, Ren, you can't use that kind of language in this story, it's supposed to be PG-13…"

It was obvious Christmas had been ruined. Garfield spoke. "Lucina, I don't think you should get a spinoff after everything's been resolved anymore."

"Now, hold on. Would it really be a spinoff when I've been a main character for the majority of this story? I mean, aren't spinoffs for side characters? If it was mine, wouldn't it just be another part of the main story?"

Garfield stood in shock. Had He been outsmarted by a mortal? Nani?

Before this argument could escalate further, a window shattered. Everyone turned toward the now-broken glass, and there stood….nobody. In fact, there wasn't even a rock or anything to break the window. So how did it just break? They had little time to keep pondering, as just then a massive blade came swinging at Garfield, Chrom deflecting it with his own sword just in time. "The heck!?"

Then, the sword's wielder stepped out from the shadows. Everyone gasped. It was none other than Peppa Pig! Suddenly, a free-for-all Smash battle began, including everyone but Garfield, who was busy eating lasagna again, and Chrom. To be honest, the fight itself wasn't really that important to the plot. Really, it's only here so Peppa Pig gets to be introduced into the story. That's just how it is, sorry. Anyway, Garon was the victor, only beating Peppa and FeRobin (who had tied for second) by a single KO.

 _Editor's note: This was what we agreed upon since all other interpretations of the story were unreadable._

Peppa thrusted her sword into the ground, and began to emanate a dark aura. The darkness suddenly engulfed the room, and when it vanished, Peppa was gone.


	75. Part 8, Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"What...the…heck…" Chrom groaned. Suddenly, Lucina let out a gasp. "What's wrong!?" Chrom shouted, concerned about his daughter.

"F-f-father...Look!" Lucina held up a calendar. It looked normal to Chrom at first, but then he realized, and gasped. The calendar had no Wednesday-instead, there was Twosday! "I-I think this is because of Wednesday Frog's death! How can there be Wednesdays if he's not there to announce it?"

Garfield cleared His throat. "There is one way to fix this. We have to bring Wednesday Frog back. But the only problem is, even I don't know how to raise the dead. In fact, I'm pretty sure nobody knows how."

"Then...what's the point in telling us this? What does it matter if bringing him back would fix it, if nobody knows how to bring him back?"

"I'm sorry My children. I shouldn't have given you false hope."

Lucina began to wail. Were Wednesdays really going to be gone forever? She didn't want to live in this world anymore. Everyone grieved, but then another door slammed open, and the sound of Objection! 2001 flooded into the room, as Phoenix Wright stepped through the door. " **Objection!"** he shouted, as that is one of the few things he can say as an interjection. "I know a way. Maya can channel the dead, remember? We just need her to channel the Wednesday Frog, and he can restore Wednesdays."

Everyone's eyes lit up. "Will-will that really work?" they all shouted.

"I'm not sure, but it's worth a try." Phoenix pulled out his flip phone, which everyone silently judged. After all, it was now 2018. Who still has a flip phone in 2018? Anyway, Phoenix called Maya. "Hey, Maya, can you come to the Smash Mansion? We need your help with something."

However, Maya was still in bed. "Niiiiick, I'm tire-"

"There's hamburgers."

Without even hanging up, Maya was there within seconds.

Unfortunately, upon arriving in the Smash Mansion, Maya and Phoenix both realized one terrible truth: since they were in Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3, they could not be in Smash. This caused them to disappear into the void, forcing the author to come up with another way to revive Wednesdays. (Sad!) But who in Smash Bros actually had such a power? Then, it hit Garon, possibly. "What about Luigi? He had those Luigi's Mansion games, he probably knows something about ghosts."

But Lucina interrupted him before he could continue. "Yeah, except, remember that Luigi's a Sailor Scout. They're kinda my sworn enemies?"

"Shucks. But I think it's worth a try."

"Yeah….no."

"Well...okay. But do you have any other ideas?"

Master Hand, still here for some reason, whistled suspiciously.

"Master Hand, do you know something?" Shulk questioned.

"Me? Nooooo."

"Master Haaaaaaand…"

"Well...uh….okay. Pac-Man might know something, he has experience with ghosts too. I just didn't want to mention him since he was fired."

"Understandable, have a nice day."

With that, our ragtag group of protagonists left to find Pac-Man. But where could he be?


	76. Part 8, Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

It wasn't long after leaving that they were already intercepted, as the bushes began rustling. "Chrom, hold me," MaRobin whimpered. Lucina, Shulk, and Garon quickly assumed battle stances, becoming surrounded by the Red Team outline, as a horde of Nyaruko-slam posters surrounded in the Green Team outline floated out, carried by the wind.

"Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!" they chanted in unison. Garon swung with his axe and Lucina shot her bow (she had inexplicably class changed to Bride when nobody was looking), but Shulk hesitated. He had a vision, and saw figures in the Blue Team outline jump from the bushes-they were Sailor Scouts! Shulk tried to warn his allies, but he was too slow-Sailor Uranus burst out of a bush, and grabbed Lucina in a choke hold. At the same time, Sailor Jupiter shot a Nyaruko-slam poster, who merely cried out, "Here's your chance, do your dance, at the Space Jam, alright!"

Meanwhile, more Nyaruko-slam posters were somehow advancing toward the Robins, who had for some reason decided they didn't want to fight, and Chrom. But before they could possibly give a hero a papercut or something, they all spontaneously combusted. Confused, Chrom and the Robins looked around. Then, they saw a figure-a super red girl jumped out of a nearby tree, and swung an equally red sword at more of the posters, unleashing a stream of fire-it was Pyra! However, Rex wasn't here-he was busy salvaging, too busy to somehow enter the world of Smash Bros. Chrom guessed Pyra got a pass since she wasn't in UMvC3, or something. Maybe Rex just didn't exist in this canon.

Anyway, needing some level of powercreep in this story, Chrom suddenly resonated with Pyra. Guess he's a Driver now, or something. Except actually not, because Chrom actually isn't allowed powercreep unless he was wearing a Christmas outfit, but the Christmas arc is over. Pyra pointed her sword at more posters and shouted, " **think you can take me**?" Unable to freely speak, the posters continued their chant. Pyra swung her sword again as she shouted " **yer done**!" The rest of the posters burned up, and only the Sailor Scouts remained.

While Pyra was mimicking the Ardanian soldiers, Lucina had escaped Uranus' grab and thrusted with her lance. Uranus yelped, and was launched beyond the stage's blast zone. Only Jupiter remained, but Shulk BACK SLASHed her, launching her beyond the blast zone as well. The announcer shouted, "GAME!" and the Red Team all struck victory poses, as Shulk's victory fanfare played. Shulk commented, "This is a good result!"

The group continued on their way to find Pac-Man, and crossed many stages-2, in fact. And while that doesn't sound like much, the two stages in question were Melee's Big Blue, and that one moving Mario stage from Brawl. So, fairly big stages. But near the end of that Mario stage, another figure stood before them-Dr. Robotnik! "SnooPINGAS usual, I see!" Obviously, a Stand battle was impending. Crouching and jumping up over and over, Dr. Robotnik shouted, "Behold! 「 N」!"

Chrom suddenly flashed back to the beginning of his strange, Sma5hless journey. He remembered. Pointing finger guns at Robotnik, he shouted out, "Holy crap! Is that a motherfricking Garon's Royal Harem reference!?" Garon gasped, as Chrom's question had triggered his own memory too, back when he choked on some Diet Coke.

"Chrom, I…." but Garon hesitated. He knew he couldn't love a non-Smasher-it's still against his morals. With that, he stifled his questionable feelings, and he and Chrom summoned their own Stands. Because the Author was unable to create an actual power for Robotnik's Stand, the three began having a non-detailed Stand battle. But the battle did not rage long, as everyone quickly got bored and agreed to stop fighting. Lucina, not understanding what happened, whipped out her gun and sent Robotnik to the Shadow Realm, but also she stole his Stand disc. "Lol get rekt scrub" Not really caring about Lucina's actions, they proceeded on their journey.


	77. Part 8, Chapter 9

****Chapter 9****

After many more minutes, the (Fire Emblem) heroes (plus Shulk and Garfield and also Pyra) finally arrived in Onett-but Lucina was on high alert. "Remember, guys, this is Ness' hometown."

"But, uh, Lucina….we saw Ness die, remember? You're Sailor Moon now, right?" FeRobin asked.

"Huh? No not anymore, Kirby stole the Sailor Moon ability again remotely while he was offscreen."

"Ah. In that case, I think we can-"

But FeRobin couldn't finish her sentence, for it was then that a car came zooming by, hitting Chrom and launching him onto the roof of a nearby house. Lucina looked up, and saw they were in front of the drug store. This was the Onett stage! "Heck!" MaRobin shouted, angry even though nobody was actually fighting. After all, there weren't any Team outlines.

Chrom whimpered. "Guys, I'm scared. How do I get down?"

FeRobin facepalmed. "Chrom, you frickin dumbass. There's a ledge not even 3 feet below you, just jump onto and off of that. Naga dammit…."

Then, Lucina slapped FeRobin. "Naga is a false god. There is only the Lord and His holy son Jesus Christ." But then, as soon as Chrom got back on the ground, another car zoomed by and knocked him back onto the roof. "What the HECK" he shouted in pain. Done with this shit, the rest of the group walked inside the drug store. Chrom could join them when he got back down for good.

The group dispersed throughout the store, going to different isles. Garfield purchased some lasagna, even though this is a drug store and they do not sell lasagna at drug stores. But they can make an exception for Garfield, of course. Also, because He is Garfield, they gave the lasagna to Him for free. While Lucina and Pyra were busy examining cough syrup, MaRobin was getting some Mountain Dew. At the same time, FeRobin was buying Jolly Ranchers, and Garon and Shulk were buying all of the rotisserie chickens. They were planning on making some Lean Cuisine. Haha, get it? Since they're getting the ingredients for lean, but also getting some cuisine? Anyway, Chrom finally walked in, his cape torn and tattered, being chased by an angry dog. The shopkeeper, who was actually Waluigi, pulled out a tennis racket and volleyed the dog out of the store. "Wah." With that, Waluigi returned to the drug store's counter, which was also where he happened to keep his taco shop. That way, people who came into his drug store could also get tacos if they wanted.

Suddenly, Lucina shouted across the store to Chrom, "wait, why are we here? Shouldn't we be looking in Smashville?"

MaRobin responded, "no, Pac-Man was fired, remember? He was banned from Smashville, and last any of us heard, he'd moved here. And besides, how many other cities even are there in Smash Bros? Like, maybe one other?"

"Well, you know what'd be simpler? We've got a Pac-Man amiibo, let's just use that."

"Well, actually, it won't work anymore since he got fired."

"Shucks."

The heroes left the drugstore, and wandered Onett. Because they weren't actually fighting, they could now explore the whole town instead of just out front of said drugstore. So, Lucina forced them all to go to the arcade. They reluctantly entered, and Lucina quickly got onto the nearest unused arcade machine-which just so happened to be Mrs. Pac-Man. "Gee, it's too bad this isn't regular Pac-Man," she muttered.

But before she'd even cleared the first level, she felt a bony hand tap her shoulder. "If you don't get off and let me play, you're gonna have a bad time," Sans said menacingly.

Lucina turned. "Uh, okay….wait, do I know you?"

Despite being a skeleton, Sans sweated with nervousness. "Uh, probably not. Just get off."

"Eh, okay."

With that, Sans started playing. Lucina examined the skeleton, knowing she recognized him...but from where? Perhaps this'll be relevant later, but it's not for now anymore. "Hey, Sans, do you know where Pac-Man is?"

"Oh, yeah. He lives in the east, the house with the red roof."

"Gee, thanks. Wait, how'd you know that?"

"I...live here?"

"You live here? But you're a skeleton, aren't you dead?"

"Lucina, stop bothering with semantics," MaRobin complained.

"Okay."


	78. Part 8, Chapter 10

****Chapter 10****

They left the arcade, and headed to Pac-Man's house. Along the way, Chrom got attacked by that angry dog that was kicked out of Waluigi's shop. (Actually, he was still angry because he didn't get to eat any of Waluigi's tacos.) They knocked on the door, and Pac-Man waka waka'd, " Go away!" Unfortunately for him, our protagonists were desperate, so they kept knocking. Eventually, Pac-Man waka waka'd the door. "What do you want?"

"Pac-Man, we need your help. We know you've got experience with ghosts, we need your help contacting one."

"Uh...okay. But I don't work for free, ya know?"

"We know," Shulk responded. With that, he presented Pac-Man with the lean and the cuisine.

"Nice. Okay. If you wanna summon a ghost, you gotta eat some dots and some fries."

"...That's it?"

"Yes. Now go away."

They left Pac-Man's house to find some dots and fries (probably at the diner.) But on their way, an animal flew overhead, and a person jumped off-it was Sumia! She faceplanted, but stood up. "Alright, two things. Pyra, Master Hand said you're invited to join Sma5h. And…" But Garon interrupted her.

"Well, Pyra, if you're a Smasher now, wanna join my harem?"

8-bit sunglasses slid onto Pyra's face as she answered with a "heck yeah" while airhorns spontaneously appeared and wailed.

"Anyway!" Sumia slapped Chrom. "Take that!" As she walked away, she tripped.

Chrom, angry at getting slapped, summoned his Stand. " 「D O N ' W」!"

Sumia was angry, but she was prepared. "Well… 「 E」!" With that, an ace of clubs appeared on the ground, and Sumia didn't faceplant. "Nice try, but I've got a Stand too now!"

"N-nani!?" Garon and FeRobin shouted. Chrom looked pale. How...how could Sumia have that Stand? Named after Chrom's favorite band? Could he bring himself to fight it? Sumia summoned an ace of spades, and threw it at Chrom's neck. Pyra burned the card just in time, only barely saving his life. But neither Chrom, Garon, NOR the Robins could bring themselves to fight 「 E」.

This battle seemed futile, as Sumia summoned more aces. Pyra kept trying to burn them, but she was quickly running out of energy. Sumia threw another card, and our heroes were surely done for. But midair, it suddenly got soaked and fell to the ground. " 「 E」!" Heropon Riki shouted, bursting out of a nearby bush. His fan jumped out behind him, shouting "Heropon Riki bestest!" While still midair, he used 「 P」 !" as he instantly changed trajectory, crashing into Sumia's face.

"Ouch," Sumia ouched.

Maybe the heroes could win! Except then the tides turned-Celesteela appeared, and summoned 「 S」. The voice of love let it take Chrom higher, so Chrom started levitating against his will because 1999 bizarre summer. This gave Sumia an opportunity to strike, so she summoned another card-except this one wasn't an ace, it was the two of diamonds! The two! She threw the card at Chrom, hitting his arm. However, since it was just a playing card, it turned out it actually doesn't do much damage.

Lucina, who wasn't unwilling to fight 「 E」, pulled out a bow (as she was still Bride class) and fired. Despite not being on her pegasus anymore, Sumia still took effective damage, and due to her low Defense, she was instantly forced to retreat (as she was on casual mode, so she can't die). As her Stand was no longer present, the others were willing to fight again. Both Robins pulled out tomes and simultaneously cast Thoron, while Shulk had snuck behind Celesteela and was ready to BACK SLASH. Chrom, who still wasn't in Smash, had to sit back as this was now a Smash fight and not a Stand battle anymore (sad!) Because it was Smash again, Lucina reverted back to Lord and thrusted with Falchion, which was the final blow Celesteela could take-the next hit was guaranteed to KO it. So, Garon kinda just slapped it, which was still enough to score the KO. Just then, Garfield showed up, apparently having stayed at the arcade this whole time. "Good job guys. Let's go get some lasagna at the diner while we're here."

So, they went to the diner. But it turned out Sans was eating there too, even though he is a skeleton and lacks a stomach and also doesn't need to eat. Anyway, they sat down, and the chef himself immediately brought out one of the finest lasagnas anyone had ever seen, to honor Garfield's visit. But MaRobin asked, "can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh some dots and fries please"

"Small or large?" the waitress, who was also there, asked.

"Yes."

"Right away, sir."

A few minutes later, the waitress brought out both a small and large order of dots and fries. "Eat up!" So, they did. But as soon as Lucina took the final bite, storm clouds appeared and lights started flickering. Tables and chairs and cups and everything started flying around the diner, almost as if they were circling something. They drew ever closer, until there was a bang, followed by an unmistakable voice-"IT IS NOT WEDNESDAY, MY DUDES."

Everyone cheered and clapped, because this was a most joyous of occasions-Wednesday Frog was back! "Where is a calendar, my dudes?" he asked. Garon pulled out a calendar, and the Wednesday Frog examined it. "Twosday? There should not be a Twosday, my dudes."

"Yes, great Wednesday Frog, we know."

"Where is Garfield, my dudes?"

"Right here," Garfield spoke between bites of lasagna, as He was unfazed by this plot development.

"We need to fix the calendar. I shall go to Delfino Plaza, where the calendar factory is, my dudes."

"We wish you luck on your mission, o Great Wednesday Frog," Pyra spoke, still in awe at the figure in their presence.

"We need to return to Smashville, guys," Garfield declared. The Wednesday Frog waved them off, as Garfield stole, I mean summoned, a car and they drove off into the sunset.


	79. Part 8, Chapter 11

****Chapter 11****

Thus, they began their long voyage back to Smashville. However, about 30 minutes in, they saw a McDonald's sign that merely said, "WE HAVE IT" in a big, bold font.

Lucina got hungry. "Daaaaaaad, I'm hungry! Can we go to McDonald's?"

"Lucina, you're 19. Grow up," FeRobin scolded.

"Besides, we have food at home," Shulk added.

But Chrom was of a different mind. "McDonald's! McDonald's! McDonald's!" he, MaRobin, and Pyra chanted. "Garfield, can we please go to McDonald's?"

"Okay, my child." With that, Garfield pulled up to the drive-thru. "I'd like two coffees, black."

"Coming right up, sir. Will that be all?"

"Yes, yes it will."

Suddenly, everyone's moods died. Garfield got his coffee, handed the other to Garon, and parked the car across the street, sipping it slowly.

"B-b-but Garfield, why?" Lucina whimpered.

"Cmon, Garfield, that was pretty cruel," Pyra criticized.

They stared at Garfield with puppydog eyes, and Garfield relented. "Alright, we can get more food. But Chrom's paying."

"Yaaaaaaaaay!" Everyone cheered, even Chrom (as he hadn't heard the part about him having to pay.)

The car pulled back into the drive-thru. "Welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order?" asked the person working the drvie-thru.

Chrom spoke first. "I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda."

Next, Shulk. "I'd like a McRib, please."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have the McRib at this time."

"Oh….I guess I'll just have two Egg McMuffins, then."

Next, Lucina. "One happy meal pweaze!"

FeRobin groaned. "Come on….okay, I'll have an Oreo McFlurry."

"Ice cream machine [B]roke."

"Understandable, in that case I'll also have an Egg McMuffin."

Then, Garfield. "I'll have a Bacon McDouble, no pickles. Miss me with that gay shit. Also a large fry."

"Large fries?"

"No. I want a singular, large fry."

Next, Garon. "Can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhh Big Mac"

Then, Pyra. "Can I get 20 piece McNuggets, please? With some honey mustard. Also, a small Dr. Pepper."

Everyone else broke out. "Oh heck, the Dr. Pepper! We all forgot to ask for Dr. Pepper!"

Pyra spoke again. "Ok, everyone else forgot their drinks, I guess. Make that 8 Dr. Peppers."

Lastly, MaRobin. "I saw the sign. Can I have it?"

There was a long pause. Finally, the drivethru employee spoke, this time in MaRobin's voice. "Do you think you're ready?"

MaRobin broke into a sweat. "Y-yes…?"

With that, MaRobin suddenly burst into Smash Energy, as if he had gone past a blast line. When the energy dissipated, MaRobin was nowhere to be seen.

"Will that be all?" the drivethru employee asked, back in their generic, nondescript voice.

"Yes indeedy."

"Your order will be at the window."

Garfield pulled up the car to the window, grabbed the order, and took a drink. But it was….off. "Wait! This isn't Dr. Pepper, it's Mr. Pibb! What're you trying to get at!?"

"Sorry sir, we don't have Dr. Pepper at this location."

Everyone else in the car shouted, "you what!?" With that, all of them jumped out of the car and summoned their Stands (except Pyra, as she doesn't have a Stand nor does she need one). The McDonald's employee climbed out the window, and summoned their Stand too: " 「 S」!" But they were too slow, as FeRobin bitch slapped them across the face, only for Lucina to follow up with the same. But this drivethru employee's Stand was active, and suddenly, hamburgers came flying out of the drivethru window at incredibly high speeds! They crashed into Chrom's face, knocking him out. However, Garon picked up a burger and ate it, only to find this burger….had extra pickles! He began choking, as Garon was secretly allergic to burgers that have extra pickles (burgers with a normal number of pickles are fine, as are hot dogs with extra pickles). Angered by this, Lucina and Pyra swung their swords. But at the same time, Shulk had a vision of a blast of darkness striking Pyra-but it was too late. The darkness knocked Pyra down, and none other than Peppa Pig appeared! She and Lucina began a sword duel, metal clashing on metal. All the while, the McDonald's drivethru employee was throwing burgers at FeRobin. She cast a wall of Arcfire, burning the burgers up before they could hit. But then Arcfire ran out of durability, and a burger hit her in the face-comically covering both her eyes with pickles, and gave her a mustard mustache. "Naga dangit!" she shouted, as a McFlurry was lobbed at her coat, splattering it with chocolate ice cream. " **NAGA DANGIT!** "

Pyra stood back up, and joined Lucina's fight against Peppa Pig. She unleashed a stream of fire, but Peppa simply countered it with a blast of darkness. At the same time, she snorted another blast of darkness at Garfield, dragging Him into the fight. "Gosh darn it…. 「D R . R」!" Suddenly, all of the burgers faded from existence, and the ice cream machine [B]roke fo realz. At this point, the McDonald's employee simply dropped out of the fight, and everyone could concentrate their efforts on Peppa, except Chrom and Garon who were still knocked out. FeRobin whipped out her Thoron and cast it, but Peppa deflected it with her blade. She snorted, and lunged at her. Shulk jumped in and Monado Shield'ed just in time, and Peppa recoiled in shock. Seizing the opportunity, Lucina reclassed back to Bride and shot her bow, striking Peppa in the knee. Peppa staggered, but quickly recovered. She pulled the arrow out of her knee, and threw it on the ground. She began charging another burst of darkness, but at that moment, her eyes suddenly became covered in ink. A female Inkling who totally won't be relevant later or anything had exited the McDonald's and, seeing the danger, shot Peppa's eyes! Now she couldn't see, and fired her blast at a nearby tree. The tree fell to the ground, inconveniently crushing their car-but more importantly, their order.

Peppa snorted, finding it funny how in their efforts to survive, they destroyed what they most wanted to protect. "Ironic," she finally spoke. Everyone was furious. Sonic-Garfield fired a blast of light, and when it died down, Peppa Pig was gone. Garon and Chrom woke up from its brightness, only to find the damage of the fight. But they didn't have time to mourn-they had to get back to Smashville. Luckily, they wouldn't need mourning. Garfield reverted to His normal form, fixed the car, and got behind the wheel. Everyone else slowly got back in, and Garfield stole an exact copy of their order, this time with proper drinks. However, nobody else wanted to eat anymore after listening to Pyra chomp down on an entire order of 20 McNuggets.


	80. Part 8, Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Garfield and co. continued to drive back to Smashville, but he didn't take the Big Blue highway as he missed the entrance ramp. Instead, he had to take the main roads. After many minutes, he finally arrived at an intersection. But before his light turned green, the intersection changed shape and became a roundabout right before everyone's eyes! Another car pulled up next to them, and rolled down their window. It was King De-Sailor Uranus! "Whahaha! Whadda ya think about mah 「 T」?"

Garfield glared. "I think the words will make you out and out."

Pyra looked confused. "Bitch, the frick does that even mean?"

Garfield ignored her. "Fine, you Sailor Scout. I'll spend the day your way."

Sailor Uranus revved his engine, and pulled out in front of Garfield. But instead of exiting like a normal driver, he just kept doing loops around the roundabout. "Haha! As long as ah stay in dis roundabout, ya legally can't enter it!"

Garfield sighed. "Cmon. You really wanna do this? I'm Garfield. I am the law. And I say I can use this roundabout." With that, Garfield pulled out, and drove to his needed exit.

After many more minutes, their car reached another entrance to Big Blue. Garfield drove up onto the ramp, but then someone rear-ended him! "Someone, look at what happened." So, Chrom turned around and peaked out the rearview window. It was Ki-Sailor Uranus again!

"Ain't nobody escaping a Sailah Scout!" But, he was wrong. Just seconds later, they were already at the exit to Smashville. "Ah, okay. Ya got darn luckeh dis time!" he shouted, shaking his penguin fist. Garfield pulled off the highway and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, gang, we're back. Let's get something to eat," Garfield spoke.

Shulk was stunned. "Wait, but we just went to McDonalds like 20 minutes ago!" But he was ignored, as nobody rejects the will of Garfield. So, the gang went to Denny's. Shulk was still stinned. "Denny's? Seriously? The Roost is right across the street!"

But Robin stopped him. "No, look. The Villager is robbing it," she pointed out.

"Ah, I see. I….I guess we'll go to Denny's then."

"Well….yeah. We're already here, anyway."

While their conversation was going on, the rest of the gang had already entered Denny's and been seated. So, Shulk and Robin walked in and sat down with them. A few minutes later, a Mii came and took their orders: pancakes. Lots and lots of pancakes. Akechi would be jealous. After the Mii left, Lucina and Pyra excused themselves to the bathroom.

Lucina sat down in the stall, but seconds later the door opened again, and someone was listening to an iPod. But it wasn't any song-Lucina suddenly tensed up, as the song was Tokyo Daylight! "Oh crap, a Phantom Thief? Here?" She heard the Phantom Thief go into another stall, and she quickly ran out of her own….only to find out that multiple Phantom Thieves were there!

Makoto glared at Lucina. "So. Try to force our leader to change his name? You've got some nerve." Lucina backed up to the wall, but Haru stood behind her. She didn't speak, but merely glared, enough for Lucina to feel the anger.

She tried to get away, but at that moment another stall opened and Ann walked out. "Hey, what's happening out here? ….oh. Lucina."

"...Crap. Uhhh...look. I can explain."

"No you can't. And we don't take kindly to you harassing our leader like that. We're gonna change your heart!" Ann bitch slapped Lucina, and that moment her iPod started playing Last Surprise.

"Uh, nuh-uh girl!" Lucina shouted, moving her head back and forth while wagging her finger. She kicked Ann's shin, and Ann hopped backwards in pain. But then Makoto punched Lucina's back. Lucina stumbled from the impact, falling on top of Ann. "Oh my," Lucina spoke, shocked.

At that moment, Pyra walked out of her stall and saw the commotion. "Heck!" she shouted, and ran forward. Haru brought her leg back, ready to kick Lucina, but Pyra tackled her. Haru never saw it coming. But now while Ann and Haru were both grounded, so were Lucina and Pyra, and Makoto was still standing. She pulled Lucina up by the collar, pinned her against the wall, and bitch slapped her. Not taking kindly to this, Lucina headbutted Makoto, freeing herself from Makoto's grasp. The third-year stumbled backwards, but caught herself against the sink. She put some soap in her hands, and threw it at Lucina. "My eyes!" cried the Ylissean princess.

Meanwhile, Haru pushed Pyra off of her, and pulled out a wad of cash. "Here. Drop out of the fight, and you can keep it."

But...it was yen. And Smashville doesn't accept yen. "That's a funny joke," Pyra answered. She chuckled menacingly, set the cash on fire, and pulled back her fist to punch Haru. But then, Fatty Whale exited a stall, and everyone suddenly stopped fighting. Fatty Whale washed its whale flippers and left, and the fight resumed. Pyra punched Haru, knocking out the precious cinnamon roll.

Lucina, still wiping the soap out of her eyes, charged at Makoto, but Ann pulled her out of the way, causing Lucina to ram into the sink counter. Ann swiftly kicked Lucina in the back of the legs, but then Palutena walked in. "WHAT IN SMASH IS GOING ON IN HERE!?" she shouted. Everyone else whimpered and looked down, embarrassed. "Get back to your seats. Now."

Lucina and Pyra sulked back to their booth, only to notice Shulk was gone. "Uhh….where'd he go?" asked Pyra.

"Shulk realized he missed a lot of therapy sessions, and needed to resume his business. I mean, Little Mac killed himself. That's kinda bad, y'know?" Garfield answered. "Anyway, there's another reason I came to Denny's...we're here to meet someone. And it looks like they're here now."

With that, none other than….Kirby approached the table! Lucina tensed up, but Garfield told her to calm down. "He's who we're meeting."

"Poyo?" Kirby questioned.

"Yes, I'm aware," responded Garfield.

"Hi!" Kirby cheerfully shouted.

"You don't say?"

Kirby glanced around, and then trembled. He pulled on Garfield's fur and softly spoke, "p-poyo…"

Garfield tensed up. "...You're joking. Please say you're joking."

"Uwaaaaaaaa…."

Garfield pulled out a cellphone. "Smashville Police, it's Garfield. Come to Denny's ASAP. He's here."

Everyone else at the table looked confused. Garon spoke first. "Umm...what was that?"

But before he got an answer, the doors burst open.

Meta Knight flew in, followed by a squad of polar bears strutting after him. "Smashville Police! Put your hands up!"

Everyone in the restaurant suddenly threw up their hands, shocked. But this gave Meta Knight exactly what he needed-he could locate _him_. He marched over to a table somewhat near Garfield's, and the polar bears followed him. Even after stopping, they continued to strut in place. "Nermal, you're under arrest," Meta Knight angrily told Garfield's nemesis.

"Aw, but why would you want to arrest a cute little kitty like me?" Nermal responded.

"You've violated Garfield's presence for the last time."

"...Oh. Garfield. Is that how it is? Let's see about that." With that, Nermal threw off his fur to reveal he was actually Nergal! "Hahaha! Fall before my dark magic, O Garfield!" he cackled. With that, he performed a dark summoning ritual-and summoned Sans!

Everyone gasped, even Nergal for some reason. "Him again!?" Pyra angrily shouted?

Sans chuckled. "This is a message from Lord Nergal. 'Blue Team, blast off at the speed of light. Surrender now, or prepare to fight!'" With that, Nergal and Sans became surrounded by a Blue Team outline, while Garfield and co. became surrounded by the Red Team outline. "Ready to have a bad time?" Sans asked, and then threw a stream of energy at Chrom, who barely dodged in time.

But Lucina was studying Sans' motions, and then it clicked. "G-guys. Sans….is Ness!" she warned. The original Sailor Moon! How could they defeat him?

Kirby jumped up, and using that Milky Way Wishes bullshit immediately became Sailor Moon Kirby-after all, could any other Copy Ability defeat such a foe? Sailor Kirby threw his-her Moon Tiara Boomerang, but Sans swiftly sidestepped. "Fool! You think I don't know my own former techniques?" But Sans didn't see that at the same time, Robin cast Arcfire, making direct contact. "Oof ouch owie my bones," Sans complained.

Nergal gulped. They actually managed to hit his most powerful Morph!? "N-no matter. Ereshkigal!" he yelled, casting a spell from his tome. But Garon threw his axe, knocking the tome out of his hand (somehow, that's all that happened from being hit by a giant axe). Garon approached, grabbed Nergal, and threw him on the ground. Maybe they could win after all! Pyra summoned her sword, and slashed at Nergal, which somehow sent him crashing into a wall, because that's how Smash Bros physics work. But...now Nergal was at a safe distance! He cast Ereshkigal again, this time hitting Chrom. Unfortunately for Nergal, he forgot that Robin still had her tomes-so she THORON'd him in the face, which sent him crashing out the window.

Sans gulped, realizing this was a losing fight. He slowly stepped back, and placed his skeleton hands above his skeleton head. But at that moment, the weather outside began storming, and the Denny's lights flickered. They turned off entirely, and when they came back on, an obscured figure of indeterminate height and stature was standing at the main entrance.

This mysterious figure slowly extended an arm, and pointed at the soda fountain. " 「 E」!" they shouted in a garbled voice, and the fountain sprayed that vile excuse of a soda onto Meta Knight and the Polar Bear Police. Within an instant, they were under this figure's spell. "Arrest Garfield. And all of His companions. ...Sans, too. He's out'lived' his usefulness."

Garfield was stunned. Not only was He about to be arrested, the 「 E」 user was here, in person? With the shock of this sudden development , He was unable to act, and was soon swarmed by strutting polar bears, being placed into handcuffs.


	81. Part 9, Chapter 1

**Part 9: Waluigi's Not-So-Royal Adventure**

 **Chapter 1**

Waluigi sat behind the counter of his drugstore, tiredly gazing at the television, flicking through channels. With each change of the channel, he expelled a quiet "wah." He settled on the evening news, which was currently covering the arrest of the dangerous Garfield. Below, he could see an upcoming headline: "Scrappy Doo has been found dead in Miami." "Wah," he eventually commented. Garfield's arrest didn't feel right, but what did he know? He tapped his fingers on the counter, bored out of his mind. He was almost ready to just close up, when the door opened, and a bell ringed. In walked two bowmen and what appeared to be a black hedgehog. Innes slammed his fist on the counter and pointed at a row of Slim Jims. "We want all of the meat sticks. Now."

Waluigi didn't respond. He merely glared. This man wanted all the Slim Jims? Oh well, who was Waluigi to question him? Waluigi began ringing up his total: $13.72. Innes reached for a $20, but Shadow stopped him and whispered something in his ear. Innes nodded, and Shadow teleported behind Waluigi. He whispered, "nothing personnel, kid…" and punched at Waluigi's neck, only to miss and see Waluigi was now behind him. "Huh!?"

Waluigi pulled out his tennis racket, and smashed Shadow on the head, instantly knocking him out. "Nobody tries to rob me," he wah'd. Innes froze, as the plan was quickly falling apart. Before he knew it, Waluigi had slunk behind him as well, and swung his tennis racket once more. Innes ducked just in time, and pulled out his not-so-new pump action Super-Soaker. He shot Diet Coke at Waluigi, but the purple-clad legend swiftly dodged.

"H-how!?" Innes stammered. "How did he dodge such a close-range shot!? It shouldn't be possible!" Takumi exited the bathroom just in time to witness this exchange.

"Innes! It's a Stand!" Takumi shouted, much to the Frelian prince's dismay.

"Really!? He gets a Stand too!? Why!?" Innes responded.

Waluigi gloated. "As long I have my 「 R」, you'll never hit me!" he wah'd, and swung his racket again, clunking Innes in the head. He then swung his racket to the side, sending Innes flying out the door. Next, he did the same to Shadow.

Takumi looked frightened, fearing what (Fire Emblem) Fate(s) awaited him as well. "Please, wait! I'm not willingly with them!"

Waluigi squinted, examining the Hoshidan archer. He could sense that Takumi wasn't lying. "...Okay," he wah'd. Takumi hastily exited, grateful that Waluigi had spared his pitiful existence. Waluigi returned to closing up the shop, only for the doors to open once more.

"May I see a calendar, my dude?" the small frog who had entered asked. Waluigi handed the frog a calendar. "Perfect! This calendar has a Wednesday, my dude. Not Twosday." Then, Waluigi realized. He was in the presence of the great Wednesday Frog! He took a knee in honor, "Waluigi, I need your help. Garfield and His friends have been wrongfully imprisoned, and I need your help to free them. Will you assist me, my dude?" asked the Wednesday Frog. Waluigi nodded. How could he refuse the Wednesday Frog? "Let's go, my dude. Our first stop is...Inkopolis."


	82. Part 9, Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Waluigi and the Wednesday Frog stepped off the subway. They were here-Inkopolis. "Why did we need to come here, Wednesday Frog?" Waluigi wah'd.

"There's someone else here I need. Someone who can help us save Garfield, my dude." the Wednesday Frog answered. "The problem is finding her, my dude. But I think I have an idea where she might be…"

The Wednesday Frog led Waluigi to what seemed to be a shopping mall-and to be fair, it was called "Arowana Mall." Waluigi thought she must be in one of the shops-but they were all empty, much to his confusion. But soon, two….squids popped up. They turned into kids-Inklings, and they were having a battle! Wednesday Frog gestured toward one of them, the one holding 2 guns. "Her. She's the one, my dude." They watched as the two Inklings continued to fight, until the girl climbed on top of a structure that began to move.

"It's over, [WUT]Splatboy. I have the tower," this Inkling declared.

"You underestimate my Brella," responded the other, as his gun released an umbrella canopy.

The female Inkling rolled out of the way and shouted, "You were supposed to destroy the [WUT]s, not join them!"

"Woomy!" the other angrily answered, and threw a triangular bomb that exploded into pink ink. The female Inkling fired green ink from her Dualies to cover it up, and then turned to fire at the male, who raised his umbrella just in time.

"Don't you see? DJ Octavio is evil!" the female Inkling pleaded.

"From my point of view, the Squid Sisters are evil!"

"Then you are splatted!" With that, the female Inkling pulled out a pair of missile launchers and fired on the male, obliterating him. At the same time, the tower reached its goal, and the female Inkling was victorious.

Back in Inkopolis Plaza, the female Inkling exited the central tower, followed by Waluigi and the Wednesday Frog. The Wednesday Frog called out, "Sue? Sue Percool, my dude?"

The Inkling stopped and turned around. "Ah, Wednesday Frog! A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one!"

"Sue, we need your help. We're going to save Garfield and Pals, my dudes."

Before Sue could answer, a most divine melody began to play. Waluigi could recognize it from anywhere-his favorite song, Africa by Toto! "This is way better than Ace Of Base's 'The Sign'," he wah'd.

Wednesday Frog turned to him. "You're wrong, my dude. The Sign is the best song."

Sue sighed. "No, I agree with Waluigi. Africa by Toto is a far superior song."

"...My dude." The Wednesday Frog was clearly annoyed.

But Waluigi had pulled out a cellphone, turned on the flashlight, and was waving it back and forth. But at that moment, the trio heard a cackle. They turned their heads in the direction of the noise, and saw it-on top of Ammo Knights was none other than...Nyaruko-slam! And this was the real one for once, not another poster! They could tell, because she was wearing a black dress, while all the Nyaruko-slam posters wear her normal outfit. "Fwahaha! So, Wednesday Frog! Trying to save Garfield, are we? Well I know that saving Garfield means you'll also save Lucina, and I can't allow that! You're going down!"

"Hold on, what's with the dress, my dude?" asked the Wednesday Frog, suspicious.

"SHUT UP IT MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY!" With that, she jumped down and used 「 S」, summoning a shadow basketball from the void.

Nyaruko-slam dribbled her ball, taunting the group. Waluigi pulled out an assist trophy, and summoned Lyn. Lyn took one glance at that silver-haired maiden and shouted, "THE ENEMY!" She lunged at Nyaruko-slam, slicing her void basketball in two.

Sue pulled out a gun, and shot Nyaruko-slam. "AGAI-wait, I'm alive?" She touched the bullet, only to feel colorful wetness. "...ink? You shot me...with ink? Fool! My dress is ruined!" Sue merely woomy'd, amused at Nyaruko-slam's anger. But Nyaruko-slam pulled out a sword of her own, and swung at our totally rad purple-clad lad Waluigi! Using his 「 R」, he dodged just in time, and sure was glad. If he got hit, that would've been bad. Oh, wait-he needed to call his dad, who'd probably be mad! Er, nevermind, dad's dead-how sad!

In the midst of this fight, Vanessa Carlton showed up. She was making her way downtown, walking fast as faces pass-she was homebound. But suddenly, Nyaruko-slam used her 「 S」to summon another void basketball and hit Vanessa Carlton with it, sending her directly to the Shadow Realm! Unfortunately for Nyaruko-slam, Sue shot her with ink again, killing her this time. "Hold on, how the friiiiiiiiick…." Nyaruko-slam wailed as she died yet again. Waluigi, Sue, and the Wednesday Frog struck victory poses, and then abruptly T-posed and slid out of the city.


	83. Part 9, Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Arriving at a bridge, the group exited their T-poses. "We must cross the Bridge of Eldin, my dudes," informed the Wednesday Frog. "But we must be quick. Every once in a while, some green dude tries to bomb it."

"Waaaaaaah?" questioned Waluigi, shocked that this was a frequent event. But before they could discuss, a humanoid figure materialized on the other end of the bridge, as if they had teleported there, and began walking toward Waluigi. They drew their sword and shield.

"Get ready for a fight, my dudes," warned the Wednesday Frog, as Waluigi pulled out a golf club, and Sue pulled out a Clash Blaster. If she was gonna fight, she was gonna win.

Link broke into a sprint, and Waluigi ran up to meet him. The two entered an epic fight, reminiscent of a generic Star Wars duel. Steel clashed on steel, sword on golf club, as many sparks flew. Waluigi jumped back and swung at Link's legs, knocking the Hylian off his feet. Just when victory seemed assured, Link pulled out a tablet and touched the screen. A small explosion sent Waluigi flying, almost enough to fall off the bridge-he was only barely able to grasp the side, hanging from his fingers. Was his journey really about to end here? Just as Link stood over Waluigi, ready to send him plummeting to his demise, Sue fired her Clash Blaster. Link never stood a chance against such an overpowered weapon in desperate need of nerfing. Staggering sideways, Waluigi had enough time to drag himself back up. But before either side could attack the other, a….flying carpet swooped down. CD-i Link jumped off, delivering a flying kick to BotW Link, knocking the latter off the bridge entirely. "Wow! Looks like I'm the hero now!" CD-i Link turned and faced the heroes. He pointed down at the river far below them and said, "I dunno what that guy's problem was, but Diet Coke says you need to go down."

At that moment, a warhorn sounded somewhere nearby. "He's coming, my dudes," warned the Wednesday Frog.

Thinking fast, Sue pointed at a riverbank down below. "Look, a dodongo!"

CD-i Link beamed. "I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!" he cheered, and climbed back onto the floating carpet and flew to that riverbank, unaware that he was being bamboozled.

Looking behind her, Sue saw how close King Bulblin had gotten. "We need to move now!" she woomy'd. Waluigi suddenly summoned a go-kart, and everyone climbed in. They drove across the bridge just in time, for at the exact moment Waluigi's go-kart left the bridge, King Bulblin dropped the bomb. "Wednesday Frog, where are we supposed to go now?" Sue asked.

"Uhhhhhhhhh Rainbow Road, my dudes."

Waluigi sighed. He hated always falling off Rainbow Road. "Wah do we need to go there?" he asked.

"Rainbow Road can connect to the Mario Galaxy stage, my dudes."

"Mario Galaxy? Who's Mario?" everyone asked, including the Wednesday Frog for some reason.

"I'm not sure, my dudes," the Wednesday Frog answered to his own question.

With that, Waluigi drove off in search of a boost tile, one powerful enough to launch them into space.


	84. Part 9, Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Fortunately, there was a boost tile really close to the Bridge of Eldin. And even better, it was at a 45° angle. Waluigi drove onto it, and his kart propelled forward, continuing all the way into space and defying Earth's gravity, because of the power of plot convenience. Even more fortunately, the start of Rainbow Road happened to be at exactly 45° from that boost tile, so they made a perfect landing.

Unfortunately, as it was Rainbow Road, Waluigi was required to participate in a kart race. Suddenly, all of the Sailor Scouts appeared, even Sailor Moon Kirby even though he is in prison with Garfield. The Sailor Scouts also summoned some karts, and Lakitu flew in. He counted down from 3, and the race began.

Quickly, Sailor Uranus pulled in the lead. "Hahaha! Y'all ain't nevah gonna pass me, King DeDe-I mean, Sailor Uranus!" Waluigi glared, and pulled out a red shell.

"Wah!" he shouted as he threw it, and the shell homed in on Sailor Uranus, striking her.

"Sue, now, my dude!" commanded the Wednesday Frog, and Sue pulled out a Sploosh-o-matic. She sprayed the track behind them, covering it in ink.

Back in 4th place, Lui-Sailor Mars saw this. "Waita, datsa cheating!" he proclaimed. He pulled out a Super Mushroom, and sped forward, into 3rd. The Wii F-Sailor Saturn, incapable of feeling actual emotion, was not angry for being passed. However, she pulled a soccer ball out of her pocket. Unfortunately for her, as she was pulling it out, she forgot to steer and fell off the track, forcing Lakitu to pull her back up.

Meanwhile, Dark Pi-Sailor Neptune was stuck in last. Ry-Sailor Mercury, only a little bit in front of him, looked behind his shoulder at Sailor Neptune. Suddenly, his eyes widened. Sailor Neptune had pulled out his secret weapon-a blue shell. He threw it, and the destroyer of friendships flew forward, ready to obliterate first place.

Back in first place, Waluigi and co suddenly heard a frantic beeping noise-a warning of impending danger. The Wednesday Frog croaked as he saw what it was-Sailor Neptune's blue shell! "Sue, shoot it down, my dude!" Sue pulled out an E-Liter 4k. But the reckless driving needed to survive Rainbow Road was throwing her off-she couldn't aim, and...the blue shell exploded on them! Waluigi's kart came to a stop, and he was passed by Sailor Uranus, Sailor Mars, and Sailor Saturn! "FOURTH!?" Sue angrily woomy'd. "That's it." Sue pulled out her Tenta Missiles, and locked onto those who passed her. She pulled the triggers, and let her hellfire ink rain down upon her enemies. Uranus's kart had become fast enough to dodge, but Mars and Saturn weren't as lucky. They came to a stop, and now were stuck in ink! "Guys, I've got a plan to help us win. But Waluigi will be more vulnerable," Sue woomy'd with determination.

"Wah are you going to do?" asked Waluigi.

Sue reached into her pocket, and pulled out a miniature motorcycle. She threw it next to Waluigi's kart and sprayed it with ink-it instantly grew to a normal-sized motorcycle! "I'm gonna ride separately. With two racers, we've got a better chance of winning, yeah?" With that, Sue jumped onto the motorcycle, and sped off. Waluigi sped up too, and pulled ahead of Sailor Saturn.

But Wednesday Frog was still on the lookout-and coming in fast was War-Sailor Venus, on his own motorcycle! Waluigi pulled out a banana, and dropped it onto the track. Sailor Venus swerved just in time to avoid it, but in the process drove off the track. Waluigi gloated, but then Sailor Moon Kirby flew in out of nowhere, and landed right in front of him! And then, Sailor Moon Kirby threw a green shell behind him, hitting Waluigi, but not Waluigi's kart-it hit Waluigi himself. "Wait, that's cheating!" Waluigi shouted, road rage building up. But it was no use, as Sailor Moon Kirby drove away on the Dragoon. "Wait hold on, why does he get to use something other than a valid kart?"

Meanwhile, Sue was neck-and-neck with Sailor Uranus. "Whahaha! Give it up, Squid Kid! Yah ain't no match for the King!" With that, he threw a Waddle Dee, which Sue dodged.

"Nah, I don't think so," Sue answered. She pulled out her Sploosh-o-matic again, spraying the track in front of them.

"How's that not cheating, huh!?" Sailor Uranus yelled as he shook his fist.

"Simple: I have the benefit of plot convenience!" Sue drove into the ink, which, since it was her own ink, gave her a speed boost. She pulled far ahead-victory was certain now. Spotting a boost tile, she drove over to it-zooooooom! Sue crossed the finish line, and Lakitu appeared, holding a sign that had ⅔ on it. "Wait, what?"

"Ummmm...you gotta do three laps. Duh?" Sue groaned.

Waluigi finally caught up to Sailor Moon Kirby, and the Wednesday Frog stared. "Wait, weren't you in prison with Garfield, my dude?" he asked.

"Poyo!" Sailor Moon Kirby cheerfully responded, himself unsure of how this had happened. He pulled out a Triple Mushroom, and zip zoomed away again. But as he drove, Sailor Moon Kirby had a metaphilosophical thought: in Part 1, Garon ordered a Dr. Pepper and drank it, but it turned out to be Diet Coke. That means he drank Diet Coke. So how was he still alive? This train of thought distracted him, and he drove off the track, letting Waluigi retake 3rd. He still had to pass Sailor Uranus, who by now had also started the second lap. Luckily, Waluigi could see the lap line now. He crossed the line, beginning his second lap. It was relatively uneventful until the Wednesday Frog pointed something out: "hold on, where's Sailor Jupiter, my dude?"

Waluigi hit the brakes, even though that is a stupid thing to do during Mario Kart. Where was Sailor Jupiter? His question would soon be answered-Sailor Jupiter drove by on the Master Cycle, hitting Waluigi. Then Waluigi looked up….to find Sailor Jupiter had passed him a thundercloud. "Wah-ma mia!" he exclaimed, and was struck by lighting, which made him shrink for some reason. For good measure, Sailor Zero Suit Sam-Jupiter pulled out her stun gun, shooting Waluigi's kart.

Sue was halfway through lap 2, and in the clear. But a sharp corner was coming up-she drifted just in time, barely avoiding a fall. "Haha yes," she woomy'd, but it was too soon to let up-Sailor Uranus had caught up. "Ugh. You again? Don't you learn?" Sue asked, pulling out the Sploosh-o-matic yet again. But Sailor Uranus smirked. As Sue began to spray the track, Uranus began inhaling it! Sue's eyes widened. Her concern was cut short, as Sailor Moon Kirby was catching up. He locked on with his Dragoon and charged, hitting both Sue and Uranus. But somehow, Sue was sent flying so far she reached lap 3. Literally nobody, herself included, was sure of how that happened. So, she kinda just zoomed forward, and pulled out a Gold Mushroom she'd had this entire time. Zoooooooooooom, as she crossed the finish line.

Waluigi cheered, but he still wasn't sure why he needed to race. But the Wednesday Frog pointed at something-"It's the Mario Galaxy stage, my dude! Drive off to it!" Waluigi tried, but Lakitu pulled him back up. So, he drove off again, and before Lakitu could grab him, he landed on the stage. Sue Super Jumped to him.

"Look, a house!" Sue pointed out. They went over, and knocked on the door. Rosalina answered, but somehow she was still sick from way back when she tried to eat Peach's linoleum-coated turnip. "O Rosalina, we need your help."

"Umm...okay. How?"

"We need to reach Smashville, my dudette."

"Ah, okay." With that, Rosalina summoned a launch star. "Go use that."

But before they could use the launch star, Marx appeared. "Hey guys! Wanna help me conquer Pop Star? I mean, uh, rescue Garfield?"

"Heck yeah. Let's go," wah'd Waluigi.

So, they all used the launch star.


	85. Part 9, Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 _(AN: this chapter was incredibly painful to write, please direct all complaints to the editor for making me do this)_

But the launch star didn't take them to Smashville. It took them to the Pikmin world. Sue sighed. "Not even a distant land. We're stuck on a whole different planet."

Marx commented, "no peace looking at the sky."

Of course, since they were on the Pikmin planet, that meant they had to watch out for Pikmin enemies, like the bulborb that snuck up on them. Sue turned around just in time, and quickly pulled out a Clash Blaster (reeeeeeee) and shot it. She suggested, "trouble's always all around so we stay quick with the guns and cannons, standing as long as we can until we get all Dolls up." Nobody really knew what she meant by "dolls," but they didn't question it. Sue continued, "call all bets off. We'll blow through the tar, dealing with lives messed up."

The group decided to explore, to see if they could find a way home (they didn't realize they could access the Stage Menu at a certain location, which would have let them return to Smashville easily.) However, it was getting late, and everyone was tired after that race from earlier. So, they set up camp. Nobody spoke, as they all just wanted to sleep.

But as the rest went to bed, Marx suddenly began to talk with a hint of malice in his voice. "On a sea of dark matter, every minute matters. Living while other lives shatter." Everyone else was kind of concerned. Was letting the adorable good boi come with them a bad idea? "Seeing ghosts scatter as they pour out? We can handle them," Marx added.

"...What." Sue finally asked, scared of the answer.

"It's the tar taking over," Marx answered.

"That came unexpected," Waluigi said.

"Hard to accept it?" Marx asked the group.

"Huh?" everyone else asked.

"Getting marked for death; seeings friends snatched and darkly possessed."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Sue thought to herself. "Is he speaking from personal experience, or…?"

They really couldn't talk anymore, so now everyone really did go to sleep. When they woke up the next morning, they set off to find an escape the planet. But, they were also hungry-they'd need to hunt for food. So, they looked for a good thing to hunt. They spotted a Burrowing Snagret, and decided that would probably provide some sustenance.

Sue pulled out a Firefin Splatterscope, and hid in the bushes nearby. As the Burrowing Snagret surfaced, she sniped it. But it wasn't dead yet. So, it dug back underground, and the group agreed to follow it. But not for long-at that moment, at Octoling jumped out of another bush! But how did an Octoling get here? They didn't have time to question this, because the Octoling pulled out her own Clash Blaster, and shot Marx. Sue realized what ammo the Octoling had used: not ink, but tar! And when Inklings or Octolings used tar, something unique happened-it was illegal now for a reason. "The tar inside stealing the body and breath, till only a shell is left!" she shouted. Luckily, ink can counteract its effect, so Sue Splashdown'd, saving Marx. Then, she faced the Octoling. "A fight to the death?"

The Octoling screamed, "where's the relief? Maybe no more sleep…"

At that moment, a Yoshi appeared-he'd been banished to here since he'd been caught for tax fraud. But Sue suddenly had a surge of PTSD-she began to hear the Yoshi Story theme, and saw that horrid moment-when a Yoshi consumed her parents and made them eggs. She thought to herself, all swallowed in grief, images start to stalk like a beast, I hear voices but no one talking to me…

Waluigi groaned, beginning to regret going on this journey. He mumbled to himself, "It feels like I'm wah'ing away all my peaceful days"

Marx, hearing this, tried to "encourage" him: "Nothing left of that scene! If you are losing your way, you need some protection!"

Marx was right. Waluigi was losing his way. Refilled with determination, he pulled out a tennis racket and tennis ball. He threw it up and hit it, smacking it into the Octoling. The Octoling exploded, but a speck of black tar landed on Waluigi. Sue gasped. "Black tar gets you wherever you go. They could find you quickly. It's sticky."

Yoshi tried to inform them that however Waluigi tries to tough it out, he just can't beat them, but since he is a Yoshi he cannot speak English. Luckily, Yoshi could take them to the area connected to Stage Select, so he did. They decided to go to that Kirby stage from Brawl.

There, Waluigi overheard someone say Onett had been destroyed by a meteor. "Wah can't go back to where wah came from…"

Chapter 5.5

Back in the Smashville jailhouse, our original heroes were locked up. Chrom sighed. "C'mon, can I at least have my iPod?" he asked.

The Polar Bear Police said no. So Chrom pouted. "Fine, be that way. Garon, care to join me?"

Garon knew exactly what Chrom meant. So, they both began singing The Sign, but horribly off-key as Travis Willingham and Matt Mercer cannot sing except Matt Mercer actually kind of can apparently, which is kinda weird. The Polar Bear Police couldn't handle this awful perversion of such an amazing song, and spontaneously combusted. So, Robin used magic to grab the keys and unlock the cell door, letting our heroes escape. What a surprise awaited Waluigi now!


	86. Part 9, Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"The plan is to Capture the Halberd and use it to Storm The Prison, my dudes," explained the Wednesday Frog.

"And conquer Pop Sta-I mean, rescue Garfield?" asked Marx.

"Wah. Save Garfield," Waluigi answered.

Sue knew an Trick to get onboard easily-she Just had to shout That special Phrase. "Kabu! Send the Warp Star!"

Far away, Kabu opened his Mouth and exclaimed, " **WAAAAAAAAARP STAAAAAAAAR**!" as the Object flew out towards Sue. But before they could climb on, Something was already on the Warp Star-an Nyaruko-slam poster!

"Oh no! I thought we already defeated her!" Sue protested, still Unaware of the abundance of Nyaruko-slam Posters. But Waluigi merely peeled it Off and crumpled it Up. How had No one thought to Do that before?

With that, they got on the Warp Star and flew toward the Halberd, landing on the back deck. Waluigi looked around and saw none other than one of Meta Knight's Squadrons Of Polar Bear Police! How could they Sneak past? It was simple, actually. Sue inked the ground, and swam by. Pulling out a can of Dr. Pepper, she shook it up and threw it. The can exploded, and covered all of the polar bears with its ice-cold goodness! They were released from that vile Diet Coke's control, and agreed to help save Smashville...and Garfield. Of course, they didn't know about Chrom's prison break. So, the Polar Bear Police led Waluigi and co to the brig.

There, Waluigi saw something-or rather, someone. A beautiful, perfect pink-haired trap-Astolfo! But Fate/ characters aren't allowed in Smash Bros., so the group knew what they had to do. Very reluctantly, Sue pulled out an N-Zap 85. "Forgive me, Astolfo-kun…" she whimpered as she pulled the trigger. Astolfo was splatted. Everyone shed mournful tears, as this moment was almost as sad as when Dat Boi killed the Wednesday Frog. But, they marched onwards to the cockpit. Piloting the ship was a mere Waddle Dee, wearing a blue bandana.

"Wah should negotiate," suggested Waluigi. But Marx knew Bandana Waddle Dee threatened his own chances of becoming a playable Smash character. So, Marx created a black hole that tore Bandana Waddle Dee apart. "Or wah could do that…" Waluigi stammered. But what mattered was that now they had the Halberd. They could reach Smashville.


	87. Part 9, Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Garfield led the Crew through the Streets of Smashville. " 「 E」's User may have turned the Police on Us, but it looks like Everyone else is still fine," Garfielf explained. So, They marched onwards in order to reach Coconut Mall, which is also in Smashville for some reason.

At the Mall, they went to the Food Court. Chrom and Lucina ordered some Chic-Fil-A, and sat down. But it wasn't long before Chrom spotted someone strange-Sailor Neptune was here! Sailor Neptune approached. "Well, well, well, Lucina. Surprise seeing you here," spoke Sailor Neptune with venom in his voice.

"Oh no, not you. Please," Lucina responded.

"Lucina. Did you forget? Forget your agreement...with us?" asked Sailor Neptune. Lucina pondered, and then remembered who Sailor Neptune actually was-Dark Pit! From the nearby Starbucks exited the rest of the gang: Lucas, Mewtwo, Wolf, Shadow, Cia, Luigi, and MaRobin!

Lucina gasped. "Oh god."

Garon turned his head from in line to place his own order at Chic-Fil-A, and saw. He dropped his wallet and ran as fast as his old man legs could carry him. "Oh my Anankos, the Hot Topic Krew! It is an honor to meet you all in person!"

Dark Pit sighed. "Whatever, prep. We're here for Lucina," with that, he turned to her. "Your one of us? Re-mem-bee?"

"...bee?"

"...ber."

Lucas stroked Dark Pit's cheek. "Is ok bby I forgve u"

Then, FeRobin and Pyra caught up, while Garfield was off buying lasagnas. FeRobin's mouth dropped when she saw MaRobin. "B-b-but how!? You died!" she finally exclaimed after many seconds.

"Oh, I am not Robin. I am the wings of despair. I am the breath of ruin. I am the Fell Dragon, Grima! Join me, my female self! Join us goths, and become one of the Hot Topic Krew!" beckoned MaRobin.

FeRobin found the offer tempting-joining the legendary Hot Topic Krew? But Pyra tapped her shoulder, snapping her out of it. "Robin! It's an trick-goths have the gay! They're mum gey!"

Garon stepped in. "Still, they inspired this entire story to begin with. You gotta give them some credit."

Chrom added, "wait, they did?"

"Ummm….maybe?"

"what" Pyra whispered.

But while they were arguing, nobody saw Lucina walk over to them. "Sorry, preps, but its true. I'm a member of the Hot Topic Krew." With that, she shoved Wolf out of the way to stand in his spot.

Cia looked back at Lucina, while Mewtwo and Shadow made edgy poses. "So, darling, why'd you rejoin us?"

Lucina placed her hands together in front of her and plainly stated, "you know I had to do it to 'em." Cia was shocked. Trying to think of how to respond, she came up blank. "Cia, it's okay. Goths are bestest. And we will res-"

Before Lucina could finish speaking, Riki's #1 fan jumped down from the floor above. "HEROPON RIKI BESTEST!"

"Calm down, punk," Lucas scolded.

But Riki's #1 fan wasn't having it. He charged at Lucas, headbutting the small child in the stomach and sending him toppling to the ground.

"Beeeeeeeeeesssssssstttttteeeeeessssssssst!"

Pyra sighed. "Well, at least party rock is in the hou"

"se tonight," responded Garon.

"Everybody just ha," Chrom added.

"ve a good time," continued FeRobin.

"And we gon ma," persisted Riki's #1 fan.

"ke you lose your mind," sung Shulk, who was actually on speakerphone on Pyra's phone this entire time.

"We just wanna see you…" Garfield declared, just now arriving after eating many lasagnas, most of which were good, at least for a mall lasagna.

There was an awkward silence. Garon's Royal Harem (but not actually his harem, I just needed a title drop) and the Hot Topic Krew stared at each other, awaiting what would happen next. They continued to stare, even as the rest of the mall visitors continued to walk around them. Until they heard an deep, drawn-out sigh. Lucina begrudgingly stepped forward and muttered, "...shake that."

The rest of the Hot Topic Krew gasped. They were shocked. "L-L-Lucina! Did you j-just sing along? With them!?" Dark Pit angrily stammered. "And you want us to believe your still an goth!?"

"Dark Pit, I can explain!" Lucina pleaded with an indeterminate amount of gothness in her eyes. But she didn't have time to explain-just then, everyone heard an loud CRASH from outside Coconut Mall. "That sounded like it came from the parking lot!" Lucina shouted, not wanting someone else to say that which would otherwise require an line break.

Everyone rushed outside to see what the noise was, and was were with half the parking lot being obliterated. But at the end of this path of destruction was the Halberd! Walugi, Sue, Marx, and the Wednesday Frog slowly stumbled out, and Waluigi wah'd, "To save Garfield!"

But Sue pulled out an Splatterscope to, well, scope the area. "...uh, Waluigi? Garfield's, uh…..Garfield and pals are right there."

"What, my dude?" asked the Wednesday Frog, shocked that they weren't in prison anymore.

"...Yeah," Sue woomy'd.

"...Oh."

"Well, we can still conquer Pop S-I mean, help Garfield!"

"...wait, the Hot Topic Krew is there too!?" Sue suddenly shouted. Everyone rushed forward.

Garfield looked onward. "Wait, it's the Wednesday Frog!" He announced. "And he brought company!"

"Garfield, we came to help you, my dude!" the Wednesday Frog explained.

But then, everyone heard an slow clap. "Wel wel wel," spoke an voice from the shadows. "If it isn't the Wednesday Frog." With that, the figure came out from the shadows-one of Dem Bois!

Everyone took an battle stance. Not again. They couldn't let Dat Boi kill the Wednesday Frog again. Even the legendary Hot Topic Krew was with them this time. Lucina, Wolf, and Shadow pulled out some guns and fired at Dat Boi, but not before Dat Boi could activate 「 . 5」. One Boi was annihalated, but the rest pedaled onwards to exterminate the Wednesday Frog. Sue tossed an Splat Bomb, which inked the ground in front of Dem Bois and slowed them down, giving FeRobin enough time to THORON another Boi in the face. "Ha! Here's how it's done!"

Down to three Bois, one reactivated their Stand. Ess! Aych! Eye! Tee! But surely our heroes could all overwhelm them with sheer numbers? Waluigi pulled out his tennis racket and swung at a Boi, knocking him off his unicycle and killing him instantly. Pyra used her Flame Nova, while Cia enhanced it with dark magic, and it obliterated another two Bois. One tried to use their Stand, but Chrom rushed at it, preventing it from summoning more Bois. They could win after all! Lucas PK FIRE'D one, and MaRobin did nothing as he was pretending to be Grima but because he isn't actually Grima he has no powers. So, he pulled out an newspaper and simply read it right there, ignoring this cruical fight.

Garon pulled out an fishstick, and threw it at the last remaining Boi. With that, the land shark from part 1 appeared, deeply craving that delicious snack. Except actually he didn't, since Garon ate him. It was the land shark's identical twin brother. Regardless, the land shark chased after the fish stick, and ate the last Boi in the process.

It was done. Dem Bois were finally defeated once and for all. As everyone cheered (except Marx, as he had left to go conquer Pop Star), Sue suddenly shouted with sadness and shock. "Waluigi!"

Everyone turned, and saw an most sad sight-the black tar was eating away at Waluigi! Waluigi was faint, and he fell into Garfield's arms.

"Mr. Garfield, I don't feel so good…" Waluigi wah'd feebly.

"Don't you leave me, Waluigi!" cried Garfield. But it was no use-Waluigi slowly faded away, never to become playable in Smash...


	88. Part 9, Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Before the chapter could even actually begin, Sue realized something. "Wait, if Waluigi is dead, why haven't we transitioned to Part 10?" she asked.

"It's best you don't question it," answered Garon. "That is, unless you want Garfield to be careless around the fabric of reality."

Behind them, Chrom slowly moaned, " **GGGGGGGLARRRRRRMMMMMMFFFFFFG** "

"See? Look at what your question's already done."

While Garon and Sue were arguing, infighting had broken out among the Hot Topic Krew. "Lucina, you've become an poser!" Lucas accused.

"N-no I haven't!" Lucina responded between sobs, as she slowly reached for her belt.

MaRobin kept shouting about how he was the Fell Dragon and that because of that they should go destroy an entire timeline or something. "OH MY SATAN JUDAS ROBIN STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU'RE FURSONA" Dark Pit eventually shouted, unable to deal with this anymore. Fortunately, FeRobin walked up and dragged MaRobin away by his ear.

"Naga dammit, you idiot…" she muttered angrily.

But before anyone could resolve their arguments, a gunshot rang out. Everyone turned toward the source of the noise, and saw Lucina holding the gun, trembling. She'd shot Lucas!

"OH MY SATAN JUDAS WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT" Dark Pit screamed, unable to cope with losing his lover.

But then Cia shouted, "wait, look!" And then everyone saw. That figure wasn't Lucas-it was Nyaruko-slam!

"W-why do you do this to me…?" Nyaruko-slam questioned feebly, but nobody was sure who she was asking. They assumed it was Lucina, but then none other than Rohan Kishibe showed up!

Rohan tapped his forehead with an pencil. "It was simple. It had been a while since Nyaruko-slam died last, so I felt she needed to die again." Everyone nodded their heads and created a small sea of "mm-hmm"s, all in agreement with such an perfect author. But did everyone truly agree?

For at that moment, Wolf began pulling off his head. It was revealed to be a mask-and underneath was none other than The Author! The Author was furious that Rohan had tried to take his position. However, as The Author is a Mii, he was unable to convey his rage with words. Instead, he pulled out his own gun and shot Rohan. Rohan stumbled back, the life quickly draining from him. Right before he passed, he quietly whispered, "daga…kotowaru…" and finally slumped over. It was done. The Author had regained control of this plot, and could possibly even bring it to a close within a couple hundred chapters.

With that, all of the Hot Topic Krew except for Lucina and MaRobin inexplicably flew away, leaving trails of grayscale rainbows. Then, Sue asked again, "okay, so can we go on to Part 10 now?"

Garfield glared. "Every time you ask, Part 9 gets another chapter."

"Ouch..." Sue woomy'd, but at least this chapter was ready to come to a close.

 **Chapter 8.5**

Back in his office, The Author sat hunched over his computer, furiously typing away. Okay. So, like, what if Sma5h doesn't add Cappy to Mario's moveset? I mean, it's Mario. He's had the same moveset since Smash 64, how likely would it get changed now? Luckily, since this chapter had .5 in its number, it didn't count toward Sue's punishment. To celebrate, he logged on to Fire Emblem Heroes and got his Daily Orbs.

But there were no Daily Orbs, for Fire Emblem Heroes was under maintenance. Unable to use words to express his grief, The Author resigned to merely "graaaaagh"ing to himself.


	89. Part 9, Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The group decided to do some more shopping at Coconut Mall, and split up into various groups. Lucina, Pyra, and the Robins went back to the food court, while Chrom and an inconspicuous Nyaruko-slam poster went to Macy's. Garon, Sue, the Wednesday Frog, and Garfield went to a karaoke bar. Garon was gonna kill it when Single Ladies played, complete with dance.

At the food court, they got in line for Auntie Anne's Pretzels, except Lucina because she had a hankering for Hardy's for some reason. Pyra ordered 4 pretzel dogs and 10 orders of cinnamon pretzel nuggets. The cashier, who was actually a very tired and bored Mega Man, was disgusted by the size of this order. He then asked MaRobin what he wanted. "The souls of humanity!" he bellowed.

"Sir, we serve pretzels," Mega Man answered.

"The Fell Dragon Grima does not want a pretzel! He wants souls!"

FeRobin sighed and facepalmed. "Ok, get him a raisin pretzel, I don't care anymore." She turned to MaRobin and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Ok, Grima, I've ordered you a soul."

"Thank you, worm. Perhaps I shall spare you in the future."

FeRobin groaned. Why did she have to be the one to deal with this? "I'll just have an order of original pretzel nuggets."

With that, she pulled out her wallet. But before she could pay, someone tapped her on the shoulder-"wait, allow me," Kanye West spoke as he stepped in.

"Wow! Thank you Kanye, very cool!" FeRobin responded, now in a much better mood.

Before they could start eating, though, they saw Meta Knight walk past. "Oh, no….does he know we broke out?" Lucina wondered. But luckily, she saw that Meta Knight was carrying bags of groceries-and Smash law dictates that you legally cannot arrest someone while you're handling groceries, regardless of their offense. So, the group ate their orders, and then got up and went shopping. As they passed the mall's GracieGrace branch, they could hear Meta Knight shout from the parking lot, "What eez my ship doing heer?", his Spanish accent finally returning after being absent for no real reason this entire time. A loud scraping noise could be heard, and the Halberd lifted off and flew away. So, they went into GracieGrace.

"Hey, Pyra, look at this!" Lucina shouted, beaming with energy. Pyra looked at the shirt she had picked out…it wasn't pleasant.

"Er, uh, n-no thanks…it's not really my style, y'know?" Pyra stammered, not wanting to embarrass Lucina for her awful fashion sense.

But then, Gracie appeared behind Pyra, as if she could materialize at will. "Nonsense, dear! This is a GracieGrace original. It's everyone's style."

"I-I'm truly sorry, but I just don't…."

"You don't what? Think it looks good? Are you saying I, Gracie, am a bad fashion designer!?"

"N-no! That's not wh-"

"I don't need to hear it. Besides, from your attire, I can see you don't know the first thing about fashion! Security!" So, some Fighting Polygons came and threw Lucina and Pyra out of the store, the Robins reluctantly following after them.

"Fool! You cannot just kick out the Fell Dragon!" MaRobin angrily yelled at the Fighting Polygons.

"Naga dammit…" FeRobin muttered. Then, she had an idea. "Lucina, lightly tap him with Falchion."

"Huh?" Lucina asked.

"Just do it."

So, Lucina did. She pulled out Falchion and lightly tapped MaRobin with it, who just stood there, confused. FeRobin crossed her arms, her glare becoming more angry. Seconds passed. A full minute. And then MaRobin realized what just happened. "W-wait! Auuuuugggggghhhh! It hurts!" he whined, trying to imitate the pain the real Grima would've felt. But it was too late-his bluff had been called, and he failed to step up. "F-fine…." he finally conceded. So, they went shopping elsewhere.

Meanwhile at the karaoke bar, Garon and Garfield were singing Single Ladies, somehow on-key yet also horribly off-key. How was this possible? Not even Garfield Himself knew. The song ended, and they ordered some fish sticks. Sue took the stage, and started singing that other beautiful song-Africa by Toto. Garon sighed, as it wasn't The Sign by Ace of Base, but he had to admit Africa was a really good song too. Of course, as an Inkling, Sue's singing was actually garbled inklingspeak. After, she joined Garon and Garfield in the consumption of fish sticks.

Eventually, Chrom and the Nyaruko-slam poster made their ways in, joining their pals as well. Garfield looked at His watch which He just now has, and spoke. "Well, look at the time. I have to meet up with Obama, but I'll probably be back in time for Part 10, who knows?" With that, Garfield teleported out.

But perhaps Garfield had left too soon-suddenly, Garon heard that cursed opening note sequence. He turned to the stage, and his worst fears were confirmed-someone all too familiar was there, ready to sing none other than their theme. "Haiyori masu ka? Sei no unari!" Of course, even Chrom knew only two songs began this way, and which it was soon became clear. "Slam! Jam! Slam! Jam!" For the one who had taken the stage was none other than Nyaruko-slam! She threw a malicious smirk at Garon's Royal Harem (except it still isn't his actual harem, don't question it) and sang the rest of the song. Afterwards, she too walked over, and stole a fish stick.

Chrom looked almost sad. "Nyaruko-slam, what happened to you? Why are you like this?"

"Uh, doyyyyy. Your daughter shot me. Like, a bunch of times."

"Well, maybe you deserved it? Besides, how do you keep coming back anyway?"

"As long as B-Ball exists, so shall I." With that, Nyaruko-slam pulled out a Thompson submachine gun from under her skirt (don't ask how she hid it), and aimed at Chrom. "Well, at least I can get some revenge on Lucina…" she cackled.

But then, she felt the feel of a gun pressed against the back of her head. Sue had pulled out a pair of Dualies, and had aimed at the silver-haired maiden. "Sayonara, bitch," Sue woomy'd, and pulled the trigger. Nyaruko-slam was splatted, and Chrom was safe. "Okay, who wants to sing another song?" So, the group sang Jake Paul's "It's Every Day Bro".


	90. Part 9, Chapter 10

Chapter 10

When they finished with karaoke, Garon's group headed to Nordstrom. Coincidentally, Lucina's group had gone there too. So, they shopped together. While they browsed, Lucina started ranting. "Anyway, I saw this really cute choker at the Poké Mart a few stores down."

Pyra gasped, and placed her hands on her mouth. "B-but Lucina, that was an Escape Rope!"

Lucina smirked. "I know."

Pyra thought on this. _Lucina knew it was an Escape Rope, but she called it a choker anyway? A chok-Oh Architect…_ She realized what Lucina had meant.

Anyway, the group went to the register to check out. "Will that be all today?" asked the cashier, who was wearing a hood for some reason.

"Yes, I think so," answered Garfield, who had indeed arrived back by part 10.

"...are you sure, Garfield?" the cashier asked, a malicious undertone in their indeterminate voice.

But despite the voice being indeterminate, Garfield used His 「D R . R」to recognize it-the voice from Denny's, none other than…! "Everyone, get back!" Garfield suddenly shouted, and everyone dodge rolled except for Chrom, as he can't since he's not in Smash. So, Chrom got stabbed as the cashier rushed at him with a knife.

"For the love of Naga, what was that for!?" Chrom shouted, somehow not bleeding as Fire Emblem characters do not bleed when they get hit, even if it's something like getting run through with a spear. Lucina quickly reclassed to Bride and fired her Brave Bow, but the cashier easily dodged. Pyra pulled out her sword and used Flame Nova, which FeRobin enhanced with her Balognanone. The cashier tried to dodge again, but this time they were too slow-however, the sweater Garon wanted to buy got burned in the process. Enraged by this, he swung Bölverk, knocking the cashier into the counter. But the cashier now had an opening. Pointing at the ceiling, the cashier shouted out that despicable Stand-" 「 E」!" Throughout the store, the sprinkler system turned on, as they sprayed out the cursed soda.

Luckily, Obama arrived just in time. " 「 R」!" he shouted, and its protective dome shielded our protagonists. The cashier glared. "Fine. Be that way."

But before they could act further, Chrom rushed out and charged, shouting "I'm being helpful!" and he swung Falcion at the cashier. The cashier stumbled back, and their hood fell off, revealing their true identity, the face behind the leader of Diet Coke…


	91. Part 10

**Part Ten**

 _Previously, on Garon's Royal Harem…_

 _Waluigi set out to save Garfield and co. from prison, with the help of the Wednesday Frog, an inkling named Sue Percool, and Marx from Kirby. What they didn't know, however, was that Chrom and Garon had led a prison break, and went to the mall. There, they met the legendary Hot Topic Krew, and Waluigi caught up. However, Dem Bois attacked and while the Wednesday Frog was saved, Waluigi vanished. Unable to mourn, the Hot Topic Krew left and the rest of them went shopping. At Nordstrom, they went to check out, but the cashier had turned out to be the leader of Diet Coke…_

Everyone gasped. Beneath the hood was a short, pink-haired anime girl. "Wait-Madoka?" Chrom questioned.

But Sue corrected him. "Dumbass, that's not Madoka! It's...it's...it's **Natsuki**!" Even Garfield was stunned by this. Was the Literature Club really serving Diet Coke!?

"We can't win right now. Not even with my Stand. Everyone, retreat!" ordered Garfield.

Fleeing, the heroes ran. Except, they didn't even get to actually purchase what they wanted to, how sad. As they were running, Chrom pondered to himself, gee. I sure hope that if I can't get into Sma5h, at least Luigi might finally be able to, not realizing Luigi has been in every single installment in the series thus far. Eventually, they reached a grate. Sue, who was in front, stopped. "Guys, we can go in here. This is a shortcut to Smash City, where we can plan what we should do. We're not safe here anymore." Nobody really questioned Sue, so she turned into her squid form and fell through the grate. Garon shrugged, and lifted it up, climbing down after her. Everyone else followed, the grate hitting Chrom's head on his way down, prompting him to let out a small yelp. Somehow, this grate led them to a subway terminal. The group got on the subway and departed for this Smash City.

Onboard, they saw the train conductor-that cursed blue fellow, C. Q. Cumber! "To where are you travelling today?" he asked.

"Smash City. It's an emergency," Sue answered.

"I see." C. Q. Cumber headed back to the control room, but suddenly a passenger wearing a large trench coat shifted-the trench coat fell down, and revealed that underneath was Bowser!...Jr. The small turtle glared, pulled out his Koopa Clown Car, and got in. Making some Bowser Jr. noises, he fired the cannon at Pyra, who jumped out of the way just in time, so the cannonball continued and hit the passenger across the aisle. Their sunglasses fell, and suddenly everyone saw who else was onboard: Nyaruko-slam! "W-wait, hold on! I'm not ready y-"

But Nyaruko-slam was cut off by C. Q. Cumber. "You took damage-test failed." Suddenly, Nyaruko-slam exploded, dying instantly. Everyone nervously gulped. Bowser Jr. was too scared to continue fighting, so he sat back down like a good boy.

The subway eventually reached the Smash City station, and the heroes got off, only to be greeted by a monkey dressed like another train conductor. "Eek eek, welcome to Smash City! Enjoy your stay!" he eagerly spoke, but everyone ignored him.

Pyra tapped Sue on the shoulder. "So, what's Smash City?" she asked. "How's it different from Smashville?"

Before Sue could answer, FeRobin interjected, "well, Smashville only has the Smash Mansion. Ever since Ridley hacked himself into the roster, nobody's been able to counterhack him back out, so the Smash Mansion was officially too small to fit everyone. Master Hand decided to move the hub to Smash City, where the Smash Hotel is located, although not everyone has moved in yet. Anywa…" FeRobin trailed off. Wait, where's Chrom?"

As if being summoned, Chrom showed up on a horse. FeRobin glared. "Chrom, what is that?"

"Famous racehourse American Pharaoh," Chrom answered cheerfully.

"And how did you get American Pharaoh?"

"I stole it."

"Why the frick would you steal a racehorse?"

Chrom paused, thinking of an answer. After what felt like minutes, all he could come up with was "I'M BEING HELPFUL!"

FeRobin groaned. "Ugh. Pyra, what do you think about this?"

"This is so sad," Pyra almost cried as she pulled out a small cylinder. "Alexa, play Despacito."

"...well," FeRobin muttered. "So, Sue, why'd you bring us here?"

"Actually, Garfield told me to. Well, Garfield, why are we here?"

"Simple, my child. Now we know the enemy is Natsuki of the Literature Club. Only other Literature Club members know each other's weaknesses, so we're here to visit their new loremaster-Sayori."

Garon stepped in. "Wait, Sayori? What happened to Monika?"

"Who? Last I checked, DDLC's files don't have data for anyone named Monika…" Sue responded.

Garfield cleared His throat. "Anyway. Sayori should be located next door to Smash City's GracieGrace, so let's head there."

"Wait!" Lucina shouted. "Can we stop at GracieGrace first? We never actually got our stuff at Nordstrom…"

"Ehhhh….no."

"Frick…"

So, the group headed to Sayori's residence. Lucina tried to run into GracieGrace, but Garfield pulled her back before she could enter. Walking through the door into a large room, an intercom turned on. "Greetings, Garon and co. I am Sayori, and I know you come seeking knowledge. However, you must prove yourselves worthy in a test of combat and power. Have fun!"

The intercom shut off, and another door in front of them opened. A figure came out-the Duolingo owl, Duo! "Greetings! I will be administering this test. You must translate words and phrases for me, while also fighting against the Fighting Polygon team. The test will end either when I run out of questions to translate, or you defeat every Fighting Polygon. Any questions?"

Chrom raised his hand. "What happens if we answer wrong?"

"I'll use my Stand, 「 」, and you'll have to give me whatever I say to give me."

"What if we don't answer?"

Duo paused. After what felt like an eternity, he said, "let the test begin!" With that, the Fighting Polygon Team dropped down from the ceiling.

"Egads!" shouted Garon, as he swung his axe at the Samus-Polygon.

Duo spoke again. "First question! Lucina, what does 'je suis un anana' mean?"

"Umm...they sweeten the banana?" Lucina answered.

"Sorry, that's incorrect! ¡Dame tu diadema!"

Suddenly, Lucina's tiara vanished from her head. "What the frick?" she questioned, letting her guard down. The Pikachu-Polygon headbutted her, knocking her down.

"Next, Pyra! What does 'ジャガイモは終わった' mean?"

Pyra smirked, deflecting a blow from the Link-Polygon. "The potatoes are done."

"¡Muy bien!"

Meanwhile, the Robins were dueling the Fox-Polygon, but it just kept reflecting their spells. "By Naga, how do we beat this thing?" FeRobin shouted.

Suddenly, while the Fox-Polygon was occupied, Chrom lunged forward, stabbing it. "I'm being HELPFUL!" he shouted again.

Seizing its chance, Duo asked another question. "Lady Robin! What does 'qualcuno una volta mi ha detto che il mondo mi avrebbe fatto rotolare' mean?"

"Wait, seriously? Why're you asking me!?" she shouted, launching an Arcthunder at the DK-Polygon.

"Sorry, that's not correct. ¡Dame t-"

"Like hell it's incorrect! Why would you think that's my answer!?"

"...dame tus mangas."

Suddenly, FeRobin's sleeves vanished. "What the-?"

Chrom glanced over, and stared. Were those….shoulders!? How was he supposed to focus on the fight now? Clearly FeRobin's shoulders were too distracting, as Chrom got charged by a Link-Polygon and another Pikachu-Polygon, knocking him to the ground. As the Link-Polygon prepared to stab Chrom, Sue shot it with ink, and it exploded.

"Good job, Sue! What does 'Yare yare daze' mean?"

"Good grief…"

"Very good! But look behind you…"

Sue quickly turned around, and came face-to-face with two Samus-Polygons. Quickly pulling out her Dualie Squelchers (too op, pls nerf), Sue shot both of them to death.

"Chrom! What does 'нарвальные беконы в полночь' mean?"

Chrom paused, thinking. Garon and Lucina rushed to protect him, but he couldn't answer.

"...Chrom?" prodded Duo, but Chrom didn't answer. After what felt like an eternity, Duo got sad, suddenly pulled out a loaf of bread, and ate it. He dropped dead-it was a poison loaf of bread!

The intercom came back on. "Very good. You pass," Sayori spoke. The next door opened, and she stepped out. Everyone gasped, even Sayori herself. "W-wait. Garfield is here!?"

"Yes, my child. We are here to learn how to defeat-"

"I know. Natsuki."

"Yes. What is her weakness?"

"Well, to be honest...it all depends on Garon. Or rather, his Royal Harem."

Garon gasped. "O Sayori, how does my Royal Harem fit in?"

"You're going to have to add Muse to it. At the very least you'll need Honoka, Umi, and Nozomi. If we're being honest, it's probably best if you don't add Nico. Her presence won't matter for Natsuki, but do you really want Nico Yazawa in your Royal Harem?"

"Fair enough. But what next?"

"Muse will know what to do."

"Ummm...okay."

Chrom glared. Why do those anime grils get to be with Garon, but not himself? But his fuming was pointless. With that, they left in search for that ragtag group of anime idols.

As they left the building, some dumb-sounding brown-haired kid walked up. "Sorry I'm late, Pyra. You know I love the smell of salvage."

"Oh, Rex, you've been absent so long now. Can you even become relevant to this story?" Pyra informed Rex, booping his nose in the process.

"Aw, that's a load of guff. Of course I can be relevant!"

"Well gee. I guess you're relevant now then."

Before they could progress further, Pete the Pelican showed up. "Is there a Chrom here? I have a letter for a Chrom."

"Yes I am Chrom hi hello" Chrom spoke.

"Here you go," Pete said as he handed Chrom a letter, which Chrom opened.

 _Greetings,_

 _Prince Chrom of Ylisse. You have been formally invited to join the ranks of Smashers in the newest Smash Bros installment, Super Smash Bros Ultimate. I hope you will accept my offer._

 _From,_

 _Masahiro Sakurai_

Everyone turned to the camera, as if this was an episode of The Office. "Well, frick."


End file.
